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Anger Management

Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 14:59

Member - Roachie SA


When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered saying,
"Hello." I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and
hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it
in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're
familiar with the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the
phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the
spot.

The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car
window...so, I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the
first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call
the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the
car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" .
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it
used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. "Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me!," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my
black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
rightnow."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my
gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West
34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw
two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

NOW, I feel better.
Anger management at it's very best

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There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is NOT learning from experience!
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ThreadID: 14283 Replies: 11
Views: 349 FollowUps: 19
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AnswerID: 65964   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 15:38

Nudenut replied:

so your the one!

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Reply 1 of 11
AnswerID: 65966   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 15:41

Member - Dragan T (VIC) replied:

Mate with all do respect, I find it a bit hard to believe. If it is true however, you deserve some kinda medal for that!
Reply 2 of 11
FollowupID: 326831   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:04

Bonz (Vic) posted:

hahaha not even slightly true, read it before and admired it too. goodun Roachie

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FollowUp 1 of 1
AnswerID: 65969   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 15:48

Member - JohnR (Vic) replied:

Love your humour Roachie and it's not Friday.
On the way to Gemtree
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Cheers,
Who?
John
Multi famam, conscientiam pauci verentur
Reply 3 of 11
FollowupID: 326810   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 16:11

Des Lexic posted:

That's not his humor John, Roachie is always like that. When he really wants to show us his sense of humour, he takes his Nissan out for a drive. ROFLMAO
It's not the years of your life that matters, it's the life in your years that count.
FollowUp 1 of 2
FollowupID: 326819   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:27

Member - Jeff M (WA) posted:

LMAO!!!!

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FollowUp 2 of 2
AnswerID: 65973   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 16:45

Big Kidz (Andrew & Jen) replied:

......yeh....... I remember Robin.....well sometimes I do make mistakes!
Yes - Luke's got a bigger one than me
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2001 Landcruiser 100S Turbo Diesel
"We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing"
Reply 4 of 11
FollowupID: 326892   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 21:14

Allan Mac (VIC) posted:

so thats the cake .hmmmmmm lots of candles. no doubt you have survived the day.
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AnswerID: 65977   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:20

Member - Luxoluk replied:

Hi Roachie
What a sick bastard you are!! Having said this however it's the best laugh the family has had in weeks....we were all in stiches. A good read.

Cheers
Half way across the Anne Beadell
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Reply 5 of 11
FollowupID: 326828   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:45

Member - Roachie SA posted:

No worries mate,

I'm trying....................... (some would say VERY trying!!!)

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There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is NOT learning from experience!
FollowUp 1 of 1
AnswerID: 65978   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:26

Willem replied:

Sometimes I wonder about you, Roachie. I am going to have to lump you in the same category as Lone Wolf. What is it with you fellas bombarding this forum with this crap? HUH? If it was something original one could understand but it is something someone else in the US of A thought up and then someone else has sent it to you or you have in your 'spare time', gone in search of it. It has some humour in it but has done the rounds before. Maybe David should write some more software so that IDIOT POSTS like this one automatically go in to a separate folder where all you idiots can wind each other up !!!!!!!!!!
Karoo Jackal
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Willem

There is more than one way to get a rabbit

Reply 6 of 11
FollowupID: 326827   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:44

Member - Roachie SA posted:

Now now Willie,

Who's been a naughty boy and hasn't taken his "Chill Pill" today?? LOL

Look mate, if it wasn't for all this CRAP, you'd have to waste your time reading other boring stuff on here anyway. However, I do take your point and will endeavour to curtail my frivolous posts in future.

I'll save 'em all up for when you're away on the track somewhere and then bombard everybody else.

Cheers mate.

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There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is NOT learning from experience!
FollowUp 1 of 13
FollowupID: 326830   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:58

Willem posted:

I love reading the boring stuff. I will be away from the forum from 8 July. Then you can go for it. BUT this is a 4x4 and travellers forum not a place for lonely fellas to impose their sense of humour on everyone else. And please don't tell me I don't have to read it!

CYA

Karoo Jackal
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Willem

There is more than one way to get a rabbit

FollowUp 2 of 13
FollowupID: 326832   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:07

Bonz (Vic) posted:

Willie, you dont have to read it. hahahahah

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Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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FollowUp 3 of 13
FollowupID: 326837   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:25

Member - Jack posted:

Anybody got Willen's phone number - I have an idea : )

Jack
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
FollowUp 4 of 13
FollowupID: 326839   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:38

CUM800 posted:

I'm like Willem, I'm just so happy that i didn't have to read this crap which is not relevant to the theme of the forum. If I had of read this crap I probably would have laughed and that is not the point of this forum.

Also If I had read it I probably would have had to ask you (Roachie) to cease and desist and curtail your frivolous posts and just let the angry men such as .......,....... and .......... give their wordly, timely and knowledgable advice.

Keep on keeping on mate. Life is too short. (One year old today, after
h/a 1.06.03. Changes your outlook on life and priorities.)
Regards
Cumbo
FollowUp 5 of 13
FollowupID: 326841   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:51

Willem posted:

Hey Jack...my phone number is in the phone book but as I am on line right now you will only get the anwering service............If you ring me I might come and harm one of your trees :-)
Karoo Jackal
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Willem

There is more than one way to get a rabbit

FollowUp 6 of 13
FollowupID: 326851   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 19:52

Rosco - Bris. posted:

So you thought up .."Raining Datsuns Cogs" all by yourself....???
Don't be a grumpy old prick.
FollowUp 7 of 13
FollowupID: 326855   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 20:08

Willem posted:

Rosco...why can't I be a grumpy old prick? After all you are a Landrover owner.

I have thought up lots of things all by myself.

I have been telling the Datsun Cogs joke since the 1970's ...so long ago I figured I must have invented it myself. Please enlighten me if I am wrong. Old memory plays tricks sometimes.

I remember though, having a beer in the Halls Creek Pub in the early '80's when I struck up a conversation with a local. After a while he began to tell me a tale about a happening in the Northern Territory some years before. It was all about one of my exploits. I didn't let on and let him embellish the story to his own liking.

Coming back to my comment....Asshole is American...bleepis Australian and hence the comment.

Now you take it easy Rosco and don't overdo it.
Karoo Jackal
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Willem

There is more than one way to get a rabbit

FollowUp 8 of 13
FollowupID: 326860   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 20:18

Willem posted:

Hmmmm thats interesting...haven't been bleeped for a while...might try this ........a r s e h o l e...... is Australian. It is in the Australian Pocket Oxford Dictionary.............
Karoo Jackal
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Willem

There is more than one way to get a rabbit

FollowUp 9 of 13
FollowupID: 326862   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 20:20

Rosco - Bris. posted:

hahahahahahah Willie

Have to hand it to you ... but ya gotta admit. It was a gotcha.

Cheers cobber
FollowUp 10 of 13
FollowupID: 326872   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 20:43

Member - Jack posted:

Oh no Willem !!! Not the trees!!!!!!
Cheers
jack
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
FollowUp 11 of 13
FollowupID: 327039   Submitted: Friday, Jul 02, 2004 at 21:24

Big Kidz (Andrew & Jen) posted:

Hey Willem - I wanna be lumped in that group of Crap artists with Roachie and Lone Wolf - Jeez - I put in two weeks hard work and you forget about me! Wasn't I one of the original Crap artists???
Yes - Luke's got a bigger one than me
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2001 Landcruiser 100S Turbo Diesel
"We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing"
FollowUp 12 of 13
FollowupID: 327116   Submitted: Saturday, Jul 03, 2004 at 17:15

Willem posted:

Done, Andrew....I have put you on the list. You are in third spot however so you will have to lift your performance with CRAP POSTS. Roachie only comes second to Lone Wolf who must have the biggest.................
Karoo Jackal
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Willem

There is more than one way to get a rabbit

FollowUp 13 of 13
AnswerID: 65979   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 17:31

uppy replied:

Hi Roache,what a great sense of humour,Just what i needed after a long day in class
regards uppy
Reply 7 of 11
AnswerID: 66001   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:52

Member - Dragan T (VIC) replied:

Where's Truckster now!!!!????
Reply 8 of 11
AnswerID: 66003   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 18:57

Puddin & Gumnut (Sydney) replied:

I had a crap day Roachie & now I feel a bit better, thanks
Regards Bob
Where to next
Reply 9 of 11
AnswerID: 66031   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 20:20

Mrs Diamond replied:

roachie.
YOUR AN ASS HOLE .
lol
Reply 10 of 11
FollowupID: 326874   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 20:47

Member - Pesty (SA) posted:

Closer to the mark than you think, Mrs D, I have several photos of Roachie with his backside being the main feature, but am waiting for the uncovered version to compete my collection, then I will need to learn how to post them on my web site. ( One of them is PUSHING a trol) LOL

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Pic 2 Camped on beach at Tiddy Widdy

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FollowUp 1 of 1
AnswerID: 66087   Submitted: Thursday, Jul 01, 2004 at 23:14

Bros replied:

Roachie,
What's the go. One week you're late and the next you're early.
Need input.
Cheers
Bros

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Work is the curse of the down and out bludger.
Reply 11 of 11