Member - Jack replied:

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports
commentators during the Summer Olympics that they
would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm
up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse
and I speak from personal experience since I once
mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents,
especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and
even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really
that serious.

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should
think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition
doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice,
the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the
British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's
like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is
playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife
takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what
have I just said?"

crfan replied:

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Rosco - Bris. replied:

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction

site.





The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.



He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."



To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."



And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."



He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you

men to make a dent in that pile of sand."



So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours,

the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you

sweep any of it?"



The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea

fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared

and I no coulda finda him nowhere."



Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I

told you to shovel this pile."



The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get

meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies,

boot ah couldna fin' him neither."



The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of

sand to look for the Chinese gent.



Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and

yells,



.



..



"SUPPLIES!!!!"

tonysmc replied:

So who saw the movie rainman? Although most people don't realise this Qantas has had some fatalities from crashing. I must admit it was along time ago, but it did happen. I think currently they are ranked number 20 in the world as being the safest to fly with. I know this is meant to the funny page and this isn't funny, but I thought it might be of interest.

Bonz (Vic) replied:

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit so he asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use the family car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it." After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father for the use of the family car. The father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently but you didn't get your hair cut." The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair His father said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked."

Troopy Travellers (NSW) replied:

As there seems to be a "few" chauvinistic males in this forum I thought you might think this one funny. Carolyn

Recycling bin