GaryInOz (Vic) replied:

"...When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right?

It costs them more than the regular 50 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes...."

Do you have any junk lying around (old bicycle frame, nonfunctioning toaster, garden rubble, etc.)??? wrap it up and send it to them with the postpaid letter taped to the outside of the package, with a letter inside that says,

"If you don't want my junk, don't send me your junk. This is my address so you can remove me from your list (but you already knew that, didn't you...). The next parcel will be much heavier."

The Bigfella replied:

If you have the time as well as asking them to hold on, you come back after a minute or so and if they are still there then say " I will just get the right person for you to speak to".
I have my own business and get quiet a lot of these calls. I have kept the idiots on the phone for up to 10 minutes giving them the run around. I've even talked back to them with disguised voices and really lead them on.
I reckon it could become a new sport in Australia "How to give telemarketers there own back".
All jokes aside the practice should be BANNED in Australia. Unfortunately most of these calls come from overseas (India, etc) so the companies that recruit these people should be fined heavily. It is invasion of privacy. I pay to have a telephone to run my business and have my customers ring me - not to have some dickwit waste my time.
Any way have some fun with them if you have the time. Maybe I should write a thesis on how to treat telemarketers.
Cheers
The Bigfella

Jo and Mark replied:

I don't get bothered much now since having a private number, but I use to say to them that it isn't convenient at this time for me to talk, do you mind giving me your home number and I will call you back early in the morning.?

Jo and Rattler

Alloy c/t replied:

Was an email doing the rounds a while back [almost as bad] with a solution to the telemarketers , crux of the principle is to answer ALL their questions with a question of your own ,,,,,, they ask to speak to Jo ? ask their name /asked do u have kids ? ask how many and names of theirs/ asked do u have this /that ,ask back do they ?? ect ect ect , tie up the phone line for as long as possible ,it costs the company they work for money but more importantly it costs the smuck on the other end TIME and no sale = NO INCOME , sooner or later no smuck so no b/s phone calls.

gonebush SA replied:

hi, we get quite a few telemarketers and usually when i hear that indian voice i ask straight away "are you trying to sell me a phone contract". which causes the phone line to go instantly quite, then i hang up. had one phone the other day and when i asked my normal question he quickly shouted " wait please, you don't understand and please tell me why wont any one listen to me" in a sad pathetic voice, i just said because you can't speak english and on one wants your phone deals then hung up. it really did sound so funny.
i really like some of the ideas listed above for the junk mail, now i know what to do with that pile of lime stone rocks in the back yard.

Dekard05 replied:

BRILLIANT!!!

Will do. Payback time!

Dekard

Baler replied:

One important thing to do (hard at office) is never answer the phone straight away. As they call maybe 20 people at once if you let the phone ring someone else will answer before you and the phone will stop ringing. The more you do this the less calls you will get. Worked for us anyway.

All the best

Member - Davoe (Widgiemooltha) replied:

I heard a different story with the no one there is that they simultaneusly dial 5 numbers and talk to whoever answers first. Then there is the absalute classic where you answer and they ask you to hold the line!!!

jackablue replied:

When I answer the phone & they ask is that mr xxxxx I know it's no one of my mates I then say he is overseas for 3 months & I am just looking after the house/ just poped in to feed the cat. They just say goodbye & hang up.

Mr Fawlty replied:

All brilliant responses, it makes me proud to be an OLDER AUSTRALIAN. I must tell you that I did have a win on one occasion. Back a while when Demtel & Tim Shaw was selling everything from used condoms to condominiums I got phoned and was offered an alluminium folding ladder. Ok yes I could do with one of those I think....I had to phone them on their toll free number and they would phone me back. At the time I was running a small PABX and had no problem arranging a fake number allocated to my phone. Naturally after a while the ladder is delivered along with the invoice. I didn't bother to pay, and of course they got nasty & I said "what ladder?" I think you have the wrong number, what number are you calling me on? What number is on the invoice? I think you have made a mistake. The coup de grace was when I asked them to show me my signature on the paperwork....
By the way the ladder was sold at a "bargain" price of only $199 = $50 P&H, but was in reality worth about $1.75 as scrap because that was all it was good for.

Member - Roachie (SA) replied:

The other option is, once you realise that it's one of these whackers calling, is to say that your name is Detective Sargent Smedley from Homicide. Say you are at this house investigating the recent murder of the householder (ie yourself!!!!) and that you want this caller to provide you with their name and address and phone number.....tell them they MUST not hang up, for that will just about PROVE that they are a suspect in the murder!!!!! etc etc hahahahaha

techie replied:

I have an answering machine which answers ALL incoming calls.
I monitor the calls and pick up if a friend.
Telemarketers automatically hang up as I am "not at home".
Works every time.

The best I did was a real estate constantly asking me if I wanted to sell my investment properties. (I NEVER sell)
I eMailed, phoned and faxed to no avail, the junk mail kept coming.
I scrawled across one 4 page junk mail "Do not ever contact me again" and "I receive any more and I will do this every week for 6 months".
I faxed this back to them at 6pm for 97 pages- cost me 18c.
That was 2yrs ago - never received anything again - guess they got the message.
Techie.

Jo and Mark replied:

What our genius brains will think of!

Hello city morgue, you kill 'em we grill 'em....

always remembered my dad saying that when I was a kid..the sad thing is it is 20 years on.. and he still says it!

Jo and Rattler

ChrisB replied:

When the caller is a woman, I always say that I will answer their question if they tell me what they are wearing first. They usually hang up on me pretty quickly.

agsmky replied:

I make it my goal in life to pi$$ off telemarketers! The best defense is attack.....remembering that most will be following a script/pattern, upset that and they are usually history!

One of the first things they ask is "Good morning/evening, how are you?" Make sure you start off by saying your mother/father/wife/son has just died and you are going to their funeral shortly....... most will not have the nerve to sell you some crappy phone plan etc now.

Other tactics include, as mentioned, to ask them questions. When they ask you "how are you", ask them. When they say they are from xzy company, ask them their name, then go on to get them to repeat the companys name (including spelling it), ask where they are based, then ask where THEY are based (not the company, the operator), ask them what the weather is like there..........don't stop asking questions, remember you are in charge of the conversation, not them!

Oh, how i love telemarketers. Please ring me!!

Andrew

Member -Dodger replied:

Guys,
I am now fully enlightened and will give these buggers hell.
got an old engine block to get rid of hmmmmmm.

GaryInOz (Vic) replied:

http://coldcallcomedy.com/

The best revenge of all..............

revhead307 replied:

I tried the creative approach.

After a drawn out episode trying to get a replacement for a lost card I was sent a customer feedback form in a reply paid envelope. (we live in remote location, no bank branch for 220kms and cant get in during the week.) took 2 months of them sending me the wrong forms to get a card.

So i devised a poem for their feedback:

Roses are red
Voilets are yuck
Im changing banks
cos (insert bank name here) is F*&#$D

Rev