Bonz (Vic) replied:

Subject: That is how it is done!

One day, Farmer Bob is in town picking up supplies for his farm.

He stops by the hardware store and picks up a bucket and an anvil, then stops by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.

Farmer Bob, realizing he must find a way to carry all of his purchases home, asks the livestock clerk for advice.

The livestock clerk says, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" says Farmer Bob, and off he goes.

While walking he meets a young woman. She tells him she is lost, and asks, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"

Farmer Bob says, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there."

The girl says, "How do I know that when we get into the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and ravish me?"

Farmer Bob says, "I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The girl replies, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Bonz (Vic) replied:

A tourist walked into a Brighton antique shop.

After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze
statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to
have it anyway. So he took it to the owner and said: "How much is this
bronze rat?"

The owner replied: "It is £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story."

Well, the tourist gave the man his £12 and said: "I'll just take the
rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had
crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little
disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster.
But within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds,
and they were all squealing & screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he
looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their millions , and they
were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran to the end of
Brighton Pier and threw the bronze rat far out into the water.

Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and
were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said:

"Ah, you've come back for the story then!"

"No," said the tourist - "I came back to see if you've got a bronze
Muslim fundamentalist cleric, and anything French".

T-Ribby replied:

An attractive city girl in between boyfriends goes out into the country and stays with her sister on the farm for a few days. Early one morning she's woken by the sound of a tractor plowing a paddock near to the house. She gets up and looks out the window and sees this hunk of a man stop the tractor, unhook the plow and throw it over the fence, followed by the tractor - wow!. Horny as hell she goes outside, approaches the guy and says "Man I need $%#&^". He replied "And so do I lady, so do I - I've just plowed the wrong $%#&^ paddock!"

t.r.