AnswerID: 219200 Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 12:22
My apologies to: Truckster, Bilbo, Willem, Crazydog & Roachie. You guys were the test subjects - well after I completed it with my name in there the first time :-P
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Truckster is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Bilbo. So everyone, please put your hands together for Truckster!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Truckster you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Roachie, is actually here tonight ..
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Truckster, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Willem!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a Nissan Patrol. Willem reaches for the Chair. Out of the shadows Crazydog appears]
Crazydog: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Willem.
Willem: Because I saw Truckster and Crazydog making out at ARB
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Crazydog: That's a lie! I was home watching CSI - SVU!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Willem?
Willem: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Bilbo who has recently become engaged to Crazydog.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Bilbo out here because Truckster had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Roachie that's right!
Bilbo: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Roachie! You know how I feel about Roachie!
Crazydog: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Roachie!
Bilbo: Because I knew that I could never have Roachie. But Truckster promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Crazydog: What about respect for my feelings!
[Willem walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Bilbo]
Willem: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Crazydog: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Crazydog runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Crazydog: Truckster take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ..
[The crowd does its bit]
Crazydog: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Roachie.
Bilbo: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Roachie: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 62 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Truckster is married to Roachie who Bilbo has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Bilbo has recently become engaged to Crazydog who was recently spotted kissing Truckster in ARB
. Now on top of this, Willem has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Bilbo.
Roachie: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
cheesy background music and fade to black]
Reply 5 of 10
FollowupID: 480207 Submitted:
Sunday, Feb 04, 2007 at 12:52
Member - Crazy Dog (QLD) posted:
I have never been so humiliated in all my life....
Below looks like the only sensible way to go now!!!
A Kiwi buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none
of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only
asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing
around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination
means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Nissan Patrol, drives them out into the woods, has you know what with them all, brings
them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he
deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Nissan Patrol again. He drives them out to
the woods, and does you know what with each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive the out to the woods He spends
all day you know what-ing the sheep and upon returning home, falls exhausted into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife
to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "but they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."
And they are faithful not like you lot.....
FollowUp 6 of 6