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"Legal" Friday Funny's

Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 09:29

fester3






THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY IN COURT


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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lay there.



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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year.

WITNESS: Every year.



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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

forgot?



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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.



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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, Where am I, Cathy?

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.



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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.



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ATTORNEY: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about it until the next morning

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.



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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?



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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception, of the baby, was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Umm!



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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?



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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?



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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female.



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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice which I sent to your Attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



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ATTORNEY; All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.



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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy on him



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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?



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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising

law.

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AnswerID: 219203   Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 11:27

porl replied:

i've read that so many times over the years, still crackes me up ...
Reply 1 of 2
FollowupID: 479751   Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 12:43

Member No 1 posted:

hahahah..mmmmmme toohahahahahahahahah

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Make love, not war....Hell, do both...GET MARRIED!
FollowUp 1 of 5
FollowupID: 479752   Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 12:44

Member No 1 posted:

especially this one
ATTORNEY: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about it until the next morning

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

roflmao

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Make love, not war....Hell, do both...GET MARRIED!
FollowUp 2 of 5
FollowupID: 479758   Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 12:58

MikeyS posted:

Yeah, but that question isn't actually in the bar exam. LOL
FollowUp 3 of 5
FollowupID: 479764   Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 13:12

Member No 1 posted:

you a qc?

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Make love, not war....Hell, do both...GET MARRIED!
FollowUp 4 of 5
FollowupID: 479784   Submitted: Friday, Feb 02, 2007 at 14:22

Taz & Milka-Queanbeyan posted:

Did you know that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name ?

New Trailer and kit fitted
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"24 hours in a day, 24 Bundy cans in a case. Coincidence? .......I think not."
FollowUp 5 of 5
AnswerID: 219543   Submitted: Saturday, Feb 03, 2007 at 20:57

Red One replied:

LOL
Reply 2 of 2