Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 06:04
ThreadID: 137134 Views:2617 Replies:10 FollowUps:3
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Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.

Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline.

The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!!
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Reply By: Malcom M - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 06:08

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 06:08
Back and forth . . . . back and forth . . . .

In and out . . . . in and out . . . .

A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . .. . .

She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .between her breasts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back . . . .

She was getting near to the end . . . . !!

He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . .forwards then backwards . . .. .

Forward then backward . . . .

Again . . . and, again . . . . !!

Her heart was pounding now . . . .

Her face was flushed . . . .

She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .

Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .

She could stand no more. At last she shouted . . . . :






"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park . . . .
You do it . . . . !!"
AnswerID: 620724

Reply By: Member - torro - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 08:33

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 08:33
No Sex since 19.55

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the colonel for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"

"No," the colonel said, "just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The colonel's short reply was, "Yes, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself."

The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The colonel looked at her and replied, "19.55."

She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?"

The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know. It's only 21.30 now!"
AnswerID: 620727

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 09:13

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 09:13
How does the Pope pay for the stuff he gets on eBay?

With Papal.

Come on laugh, because God has just had a snigger.

*******************************************************************************************
Jack Nicholson's Guide to Living

Three Rules for ageing men:
1. Never pass a toilet.
2. Don't waste a woody.
3. Never, ever trust a fart.

******************************************************************************************
Be careful what you tell them!!!

A heart-warming story.

My small grandson got lost at the mall, he approached a uniformed security
guard and said, I've lost my grandpa!"

"The guard asked, "What's he like?"

The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Jack Daniels and
women with big tits."

bill
AnswerID: 620728

Reply By: Gerard S - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 09:20

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 09:20
AnswerID: 620729

Reply By: Banjo (WA) - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 09:23

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 09:23
AnswerID: 620730

Reply By: Gerard S - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 11:46

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 11:46
AnswerID: 620732

Reply By: Life Member - Duncan W (WA) - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 15:02

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 15:02
I called an old classmate and asked what he was doing. He replied he was working on, "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, plastic, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed.

Upon further inquiry I learned he was, washing the dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
Dunc
Make sure you give back more than you take

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AnswerID: 620741

Reply By: Life Member - Duncan W (WA) - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 15:05

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 15:05
Good and bad news...

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary in bed."
Dunc
Make sure you give back more than you take

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AnswerID: 620742

Reply By: Life Member - Duncan W (WA) - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 15:12

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 15:12
Dunc
Make sure you give back more than you take

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AnswerID: 620743

Reply By: OutBack Wanderers - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 23:08

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 23:08
The bowl of corn, I don't get it?

I'm getting to old for this page, I prefer my own

A bloke walks into a cafe and asks for a bowl of chilli, the waitress says the bloke over on table 4 got the last bowl. The bloke really wanted a bowl of chilli so he sits at table 5. As the customer was looking at his bowl and not moving, the other bloke who wanted the chilli asks the bloke, Are you going to eat that?

No, he says, you can have it, so the bloke picks up the bowl and goes back to his table. As he is gulping down the warm chilli, he spies a dead rat at the bottom of the bowl where-as he spews up his chilli all over the table.

The customer at table 4 says, Thats about as far as I got too

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AnswerID: 620751

Follow Up By: Member - Tony H (touring oz) - Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 23:53

Friday, Aug 17, 2018 at 23:53
Sorry.....but, who hasn’t eaten corn and seen it again the next morning after a session on the throne?
Insanity doesnt run in my family.... it gallops!

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Follow Up By: RMD - Saturday, Aug 18, 2018 at 09:17

Saturday, Aug 18, 2018 at 09:17
Outback Wanderers
"Should have gone to spec savers" perhaps, or replace globe in the light fitting.
0
FollowupID: 893192

Follow Up By: Bob Y. - Qld - Saturday, Aug 18, 2018 at 09:47

Saturday, Aug 18, 2018 at 09:47
As told to me by a long term mate:

Many years ago, on Roxborough Station out on the Georgina River, a bloke was cleaning out one of the septic tanks, when all of a sudden he starts yelling. Thinking something is up, everyone races across to see what's wrong.

"What's up they ask?"

He replies: "Peas, and not a tooth mark on 'em!"
Seen it all, Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.

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