Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 06:16
ThreadID: 137483 Views:3274 Replies:12 FollowUps:9
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big breasts

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big breasts, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big breasts
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Reply By: Malcom M - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 06:19

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 06:19
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'.

'What is Irish Viagra?' she asked.

It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Freakin' hell, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years!
But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks coffee shop again !
AnswerID: 622250

Reply By: OBJ - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 07:09

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 07:09


AnswerID: 622251

Reply By: MUZBRY- Life member(Vic) - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 07:27

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 07:27
The brain is a most amazing organ. It works 24 hs per day and 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love ........
Muzbry
Great place to be Mt Blue Rag 27/12/2012

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AnswerID: 622252

Reply By: Member - Geoff M (VIC) - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 07:33

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 07:33









AnswerID: 622253

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 09:54

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 09:54
In the time of Roman Britain, a Celt threw a haggis over Hadrian's Wall as a peace offering. At first the centurions thought it was a poop bag for Aberdeen Angus Bulls, and decided it couldn't possibly be something anyone would eat, so threw it back.

The Celt then hurled it back, saying "Ta'e this!"

The Romans misheard this as 'Tennis' and the Scottish national sport was born.

bill
AnswerID: 622255

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 09:56

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 09:56
Not funny but very interesting...

Japanese Ingenuity -- Save your plastic
This is one of the most amazing break-throughs in technology I have ever seen!!!
Why aren't we doing this now?
A case of Japanese ingenuity and perseverance. What is more important would be the marketing and very low cost to make it mandatory to have one of
these in every home.
The sound is all in Japanese. Just turn off the sound, read the subtitles and watch. What a great discovery!

Recycling

bill
AnswerID: 622256

Follow Up By: ExplorOz Team - Michelle - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 12:58

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 12:58
I notice that a lot of the plastic he put into his machine was actually the soft plastics that are usually not collected by our suburban recycling system so that is even further good news if it can be used!

I was a bit interested, so I did a bit of quick Googling and found this process has been marketed since around 2015 with various video clips and stories online about it.

Maybe it is being used? I don't know. Anyone?
Michelle Martin
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Follow Up By: ExplorOz Team - Michelle - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 13:03

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 13:03
here I found an article dated 5th June 2018 by Monash University in Australia explaining where this technology is up to - Recycling Plastics back to oil in Australia
Michelle Martin
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Follow Up By: Kenell - Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 08:10

Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 08:10
Thank you Bill and Michelle for bringing this to the attention of the EO readers. As you rightly say Bill it isn't exactly on topic in the funnies but that is probably where it gets the greatest attention. It is incumbent upon groups such as this forum readership who I am confident are conservationists at heart to not only develop this discussion further but to bring it to the attention of people who can actually do more to support the research and development. There are few greater challenges to our environment both nationally and internationally than plastic waste and with an election looming and an incumbent party that needs a big "it" if it is going to have any chance of maintaining government it probably wouldn't take much to spark some imagination.
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Follow Up By: noggins - Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 11:52

Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 11:52
This is the company in Japan that makes it all possible
From what I read from translation it became a company in 2014

http://www.microsofttranslator.com/bv.aspx?ref=SERP&br=ro&mkt=en-AU&dl=en&lp=JA_EN&a=http%3a%2f%2fwww.blest.co.jp%2f



..
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Follow Up By: Member - ACD 1 - Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 12:25

Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 12:25
I saw a machine like that actually in use on the back of a car...

It was in a documentary called Back to the Future - I think the car was a De Lorean from memory.



You can see it up on the rear

Cheers

Anthony
VKS 3539
Work - a 40 hour interuption to my weekend!
Too many places - too little time

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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 09:59

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 09:59


bill
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Reply By: Member Kerry W (WA) - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 11:24

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 11:24
Little Johnny tells his kindy teacher he found a dead cat.

"How did you know it was dead? asks the teacher.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move" replies Little Johnny.

You did What!? shrieks the teacher.

"You know" explains Little Johnny, "I leant over to its ear and went Psssst and it didn't move..."
Kerry W (WA)
Security is mostly a superstition. It doesnt exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
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Reply By: Greenant - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 17:29

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 17:29
Here's one for the sporty types
http://www.liveleak.com/ll_embed?f=24113d89dfd8

greenant





AnswerID: 622262

Follow Up By: OutBack Wanderer - Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 00:51

Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 00:51
And now you know kiddies why the NSW Govt. banned them

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Follow Up By: Alloy c/t - Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 11:37

Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 11:37
Zis iz vy ve lost ze war , nah yar ....
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Follow Up By: Member - silkwood - Tuesday, Nov 27, 2018 at 20:39

Tuesday, Nov 27, 2018 at 20:39
Joerg is fine, it was a fake video to promote his channel to his fans.

If you did not know this, I am lost as to why you would post this on a jokes page (and dismayed regarding the ISIS comment).
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Reply By: Member - MIKE.G - Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 20:41

Friday, Nov 23, 2018 at 20:41
Greenant. Hopefully the Friday Funnies do not deteriorate to this low standard where no humor is involved!!

Mike
AnswerID: 622263

Follow Up By: Malcom M - Monday, Nov 26, 2018 at 07:02

Monday, Nov 26, 2018 at 07:02
What if he had a beard and carried an isis flag?
Pretty funny then.
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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 09:44

Saturday, Nov 24, 2018 at 09:44
Just to get the topic back on track (as requested), here is some humour.
********************************

Once upon a time there was a very handsome male camel named Alfred with two huge camel humps.

He fell in love and married a beautiful female camel named Marie, who had one perfect camel hump.

As time progressed, they became the proud parents of a wonderful baby boy camel, born with no humps.

They contemplated long and hard on what to call their beautiful little boy They finally decided on

Are you ready for this
''
'
'
'
''
'
'
'

'
Humpfree

Oh, please stop your whining
It's a little nice story and a lot better than a lot of the other rubbish I post.


bill
AnswerID: 622264

Reply By: Ron N - Sunday, Nov 25, 2018 at 00:42

Sunday, Nov 25, 2018 at 00:42
Luigi is just back from America. His friends ask him, what America is like.

He tells them, "Well, I got to Detroit, to a beeg hotel. I go to my room inna da hotel, and there is no sheet onna my bed.
I go downstairs to see da manager, and tella him I wanna sheet."

"He tella me; 'Da toilet is over dat a-way!'."
"I say to heem; 'You no unnastand, I wanna sheet onna da bed!'."

He say to me: 'You betta not sheet onna da bed, you filthy Italian sonavabitch!!"
"So I starta yelling at heem, and he throw me outta da hotel!!"

"So I go down da street to finda some breakfast. I finda da leetle Cafe."
"I tella da waitress, I wanna da ham and eggs and tost."

"She bringa me da ham an eggs, but only one pissa tost. I tella her I wanna two piss."
"She tella me; 'Da toilet is over dat a-way!'."

"I say; 'You no unnastand, I wanna two piss onna my plate!'."
"She say; 'You betta not piss onna da plate, you sick pervert sonavabitch!!'."
"And she calla da manager, and he throw me outta da Cafe!"

"It'sa getting later and later, and I'ma getting hungry, so I go to get a lunch at some Restaurant."

"The waitress bringa me a knife, a spoon, da bread an butta - but no fock."

"I call her over an' tell her, I wanna fock."
"She tella me; 'Everybody wanna fock with me. You got no chance!'."

"I tella her; 'You no unnastand!! - I wanna fock ona da table!!'."
"She tella me; 'You betta not fock ona da table, you disgusting pervert sonavabitch!!'."
"And she calla da manager, and he throw me outta da Restaurant!"

"So I got sick of all this misunderstandings - I go back to da airport, to catch an airplane back to Italy!"
"And there's a Nun there, collecting da money for da orphans. I geev her 50c, and she say; 'Peace on You!'."

"And I say to her; 'Piss on you, too!! - I'ma going back to Italy, no-one unnerstands me here!!'."

AnswerID: 622268

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