Friday funnies

Submitted: Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 06:59
ThreadID: 138149 Views:2733 Replies:8 FollowUps:6
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A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, in their language, when he realizes that the one thing, ... he never really taught them a lot was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree." The Priest is pleased with the response.

They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." The chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly says, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

And the chief replied, ” My bike."

.........,,,,,,,,,,........



Insanity doesnt run in my family.... it gallops!

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Reply By: Member - Tony H (touring oz) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 10:42

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 10:42
https://www.youtube.com/embed/Zh3Yz3PiXZw

........,,,,,,,,,,,,............
Insanity doesnt run in my family.... it gallops!

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Reply By: Member - Tony H (touring oz) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 14:26

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 14:26
Easy as.....
https://www.youtube.com/embed/UEIn8GJIg0E?rel=0
Insanity doesnt run in my family.... it gallops!

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Follow Up By: OutBack Wanderer - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 22:01

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 22:01
There's only one word to describe that, but if I say it, I'll get banned, raflmao

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Follow Up By: Boobook - Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 12:07

Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 12:07
We should introduce that traffic management system in Melbourne.

Our Numbnut public servants have introduced traffic lights that have ever increasing cycle times, ever increasing numbers of turn and options such that you often wait up to 5 or even 10 minutes to get through a set of lights.

I was in St Kilda and it took 20 mins and about 4 light cyles to get 300m just because of idiotic design.

Traffic at that intersection was busier than most in Melbourne, cars got through in under a minute ( real time) and no accidents.

What more can you ask for?


The only part that is a joke is poorly thought out Australian infrastructure.
Tony
200 with 2012 Tvan Canning.
Happiness >= your perception of the events in your life minus your expectation of how life should be.

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Follow Up By: Kazza055 - Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 16:36

Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 16:36
Just back from a trip to UK, they love roundabouts including this one
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Follow Up By: Member - johnat - Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 20:58

Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 20:58
@Boobook,
Easy answer is to move out of the city. No traffic lights on my 30 minute drive to work any day of the week.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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Follow Up By: Ron N - Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 21:10

Saturday, Apr 13, 2019 at 21:10
Basingstoke, between Reading and Southampton is nick-named "Doughnut City", because of the sheer overwhelming number of roundabouts in its road network.

But nothing throws you more than driving on Greek roundabouts, where the vehicle ON the roundabout, has to give way to vehicles ENTERING the roundabout - the exact opposite of Australian traffic rules.

Add in tourists from 103 different countries, all using the road rules from their own country, and you can rapidly understand why the Greeks have a terrible road toll level.

Cheers, Ron.
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Follow Up By: Boobook - Sunday, Apr 14, 2019 at 10:38

Sunday, Apr 14, 2019 at 10:38
LOL I regularly go to Basingstoke Ron, I know what you mean. They have round and oval roundabouts and the ringway which is like a massive roundabout freeway around the city. Then they have roundabout over ramps and under ramps to get on to that.
Tony
200 with 2012 Tvan Canning.
Happiness >= your perception of the events in your life minus your expectation of how life should be.

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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 15:25

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 15:25
Subject: No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
difference between these two words...

In a recently held linguistic competition held in London and attended by
supposedly the best in the world,
Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing
ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was:.. How do you explain the difference between
COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer....

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED,
and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY
FINISHED!!

He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old rum.

bill
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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 15:26

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 15:26
Subject: WALKING ON THE GRASS

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and
will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface
like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go
walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly
raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag
while we walk?"
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

bill
AnswerID: 624911

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 15:27

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 15:27
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to
do was eat, drink and be
Mary.


After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women
happy.
Nothing.

bill
AnswerID: 624912

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 18:47

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 18:47
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex

When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
Living like a millionaire on the pension

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Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 18:58

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 18:58








Living like a millionaire on the pension

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Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 19:08

Friday, Apr 12, 2019 at 19:08
Very funny Gentleman

https://youtu.be/6QDtdT87SWk


Living like a millionaire on the pension

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