Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, May 03, 2019 at 07:13
ThreadID: 138264 Views:2587 Replies:12 FollowUps:1
This Thread has been Archived
Back Expand Un-Read 9 Moderator

Reply By: RMD - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 08:20

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 08:20
That rings a bell!
AnswerID: 625317

Reply By: Glenn C5 - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 08:26

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 08:26
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two lady teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men’s toilet one of the boys came out and told her he couldn’t reach the urinal. Having no choice she went inside and began hoisting up the little boys by their armpits.

As she lifted one she couldn’t help but notice that he was rather well endowed, especially for a little kid.

“I guess you must be in the fifth,” she said.

“No ma’am,” he replied, “I’m in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. But thanks for the lift anyhow.”
AnswerID: 625318

Reply By: Member - DickyBeach - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 09:34

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 09:34
AnswerID: 625319

Reply By: Member - DickyBeach - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 09:35

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 09:35
AnswerID: 625320

Reply By: Member - DickyBeach - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 09:36

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 09:36
AnswerID: 625321

Reply By: Life Member - Duncan W (WA) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:10

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:10



Cheers

Dunc
Dunc
Make sure you give back more than you take

Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Blog  Send Message

AnswerID: 625324

Reply By: Frank P (NSW) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:12

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:12
Family camping horse race

Link
AnswerID: 625325

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:36

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:36
A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her mum that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the local pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test kit. The test confirms that her daughter is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the selfish bastard that did this to you? I demand to know!"

Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Bentley stops in front of their house. A middle-aged and very distinguished man steps out of the car and enter the house.

He sits in the lounge with the father and mother, and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life"

He continues, "Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a chateau in France and a $1m bank account."

He continues, "If a boy is born my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25m bank account."

"However, if there is a miscarriage I'm not sure what to do. What would you suggest?"

All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and told him, "You'll try again."
Living like a millionaire on the pension

Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 625327

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:47

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:47
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice picture

that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million... and I think she could be right"

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day.

Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary..."

Living like a millionaire on the pension

Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 625328

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:55

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 10:55













Living like a millionaire on the pension

Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 625329

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 11:00

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 11:00
Living like a millionaire on the pension

Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 625331

Reply By: Member - Geoff M (VIC) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 12:52

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 12:52
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured
them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars
and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy,
the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small
fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued.. and WON!

(Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer
held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars
were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,
without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was
obligated to pay the claim!

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW, FOR THE BEST PART

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest!
AnswerID: 625335

Follow Up By: Member - Kiwi_In_Aussie(Wagga) - Friday, May 03, 2019 at 20:43

Friday, May 03, 2019 at 20:43
Funny story but an urban myth
Follow me via SPOT:

https://spotwalla.com/tripViewer.php?id=2d464de362759825a

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

1
FollowupID: 898968

Popular Content

Popular Products (13)