Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 09:02
ThreadID: 138522 Views:2769 Replies:11 FollowUps:3
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Some different points of view ..

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Reply By: Member - David M (SA) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:13

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:13
Short Job Interview.

Interviewer. What would you consider your greatest weakness.
Applicant. My honesty.
Interviewer. Honesty?. I don't think honesty is a weakness.
Applicant. I don't give a f--k what you think.
AnswerID: 626192

Reply By: Member - Tony H (touring oz) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:36

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:36
Good morning, it’s Friday Funny time again.
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
Insanity doesnt run in my family.... it gallops!

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AnswerID: 626193

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:50

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:50
Two OAPs were visiting an art gallery for their day out. They come upon
this large painting of what seems to be 3 black men sitting on a park
bench, but the one in the middle has a white penis.
The 2 oldie goldies study this artwork for some time but still cannot fathom the meaning of
the picture. Finally they spot the gallery curator and ask him to
explain what the picture really signifies. The curator rather pompously
explains at length that it's the latest artwork of a Scottish artist and
the white penis signifies the emasculation of the black race through
it's history of oppression from European colonialists etc. etc. etc.

After a long and patronising lecture the curator leaves them, but the 2
pensioners are still staring at the painting with a bewildered
expression when they are approached by a man who has overheard the
explanation by the curator.

"Do ye want to know what it really means"
"And how would you know what this means?" they ask.
"I'm the man who created this piece of art" he says with a pronounced Scottish accent.

"You see," he continued " it's really quite simple, all it shows is 3
Scottish coal miners sitting on a bench for a break and the one in the
middle popped home for his lunch."



bill
AnswerID: 626194

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:51

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:51
A tall tale and true from the legendary past :

Researchers studying human s*xuality and practices throughout the ages have
discovered the following fact:

In 1272, the Arab Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower
intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the
goat first.


bill
AnswerID: 626195

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:52

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:52
The Agony of Aging.......

On the morning that Daylight Saving Time ended I stopped in to visit my
ageing friend.

He was busy covering his Willie with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You dumb old bugger! - You're supposed to turn your clock
back".

bill
AnswerID: 626196

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:54

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 10:54











Living like a millionaire on the pension

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AnswerID: 626197

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 11:23

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 11:23
Air Show Disaster - AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS

This is tough to see. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.


Amazing photo below shows great detail.

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.

It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.

One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.
















No one was killed, but it probably scared the shite out of them.
Living like a millionaire on the pension

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AnswerID: 626198

Reply By: Ron N - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 11:39

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 11:39
So I asked my mechanic for a cheap safety upgrade, to bring my car up to 21st century safety levels ......

AnswerID: 626201

Reply By: Member - torro - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 12:27

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 12:27
A Bargain.

The best and cheapest meat is deer balls

You can get them from under a buck.
AnswerID: 626202

Reply By: Colcam42 - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 15:02

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 15:02
How was your day?


Husband: “I changed a light bulb today. ”

Wife: “ That's it? I did the laundry, vacuumed the house, washed windows, cooked three meals, and the list goes on and on ... And you changed a single light bulb?”

Husband: “Yep, that’s what I did today. Watch this; I filmed me doing it.”

Click here to watch:Day job

(Definitely worth it)

AnswerID: 626204

Follow Up By: Glenn C5 - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 15:19

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 15:19
My head spun and my arse tightened just watching.
7
FollowupID: 899893

Follow Up By: OutBack Wanderer - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 23:38

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 23:38
Did you notice his car down below? I bet he wouldn't be so cocky watching a car thief steal it, lol. arrrr, what the heck, RAFLMAO

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Follow Up By: Bob Y. - Qld - Saturday, Jun 15, 2019 at 08:30

Saturday, Jun 15, 2019 at 08:30
Watching this again reminded me of the riggers erecting a phone transmission tower down the Diamantina, in late '91 or early '92.

The tower was around 105M tall, and to watch these blokes scampering around near the top was quite impressive. Naively asked the foreman: " Do you climb up & down the inside of the tower?" (A 50' windmill being the limit of my climbing ability!). "Nah, be like a cheese grater if you fell!" Appears if you fall from that height, you must have an unblemished corpse when you hit the ground?

Bob



Seen it all, Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.

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Reply By: Gerard S - Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 18:16

Friday, Jun 14, 2019 at 18:16
AnswerID: 626207

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