Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 09:02
ThreadID: 139006 Views:2901 Replies:9 FollowUps:8
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Mensa Question

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is
unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in
front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

See answer below:
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Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round


bill
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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 09:04

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 09:04
Subject: Paki Pile driver

The recent, horrible and tragic building collapses in South Asia have
already resulted in the adoption of new building construction standards
and practices ... in a regulatory effort to ensure this type of disaster
never again occurs.

Only a month after more than 1,100 Bangladeshi garment workers lost
their lives in the collapse of a badly-built and poorly-maintained
eight-storey building, the new building code has - thankfully - gone
into force ... and its rigid practices are already being applied by
highly-skilled and properly-trained construction teams labouring on
job-sites all across the sub-continent .......
I'd say the foreman is the guy on the tamborine.

Pile Drivers

bill
AnswerID: 627479

Follow Up By: Rangiephil - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 12:07

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 12:07
Unless I am mistaken, that is a sample of highly skilled Thai workforce.
Probably in Bangkok, where there is sand down up to 50metres, and water extraction means you can look under buildings as the land has receded.
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Follow Up By: Member BarryG - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 12:39

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 12:39
Also Bill, you posted this two weeks ago, didn't you?
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Follow Up By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 13:12

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 13:12
Probably Barry!

My files got scrambled and I didn't know where I was up to.

I figured someone would tell me!!!!!!!!!!!

bilkl
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FollowupID: 901506

Follow Up By: Ron A - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 16:36

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 16:36
Yes definitely Thai. The writing in the background and on the shirts is a giveaway. I have actually witnessed similar being done.
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FollowupID: 901511

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 10:39

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 10:39
Crappy Kitchen fails










Found small kettle


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AnswerID: 627480

Reply By: RMD - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 11:32

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 11:32
Increase in Crime in NSW

NSW police are baffled as to why there has been a sudden high increase in muggings against only Chinese males carrying groceries home in plastic Aldi shopping bags. Police have taken special note of each assault and investigations continue into the origin of the contents of each bag in an effort to uncover the cause. Investigating Police said there could be 100,000 reasons for the crimes.
AnswerID: 627483

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 12:43

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 12:43
Nice hotel guests

Found a great tip. Staying in a hotel, that time of the month comes out of the blue. Forgot to pack knickers so came up with a good way to quickly wash them. The hotel kettle! Quick, fast and hygienic. Just call me Mcgyver.

David Lee Roth's Hotel Room During The 1982 Van Halen Tour

My Friend's Wife Had Found This Massive Toy While Cleaning A hotel room

My Friend's Wife Had Found This Massive Toy While Cleaning A hotel room

These Fine People Were Loading The Mini Fridge From A Hotel Room Watched From The Balcony

Bed left by guest



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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 13:14

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 13:14
This one should make up for the duplicate above.....

Definitely thinking outside the box:

Those of you who have even a slight mechanic’s mind will love this.
You don’t have to be an engineer to appreciate this story...

A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes
without the tube of toothpaste inside. This challenged their perceived
quality with the buyers and distributors.
Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the
company assembled all of his top people. They decided to hire an external
engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project
followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated,
RFP, and third-parties selected.

Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution - on time,
on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would
sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than
it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the
defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a
result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being
shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well
spent. At the end of the first month, he reviewed the line statistics
report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in
the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three
weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes
a day. He had the engineers check the equipment and they verified the
report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO travelled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line
where the precision scale was installed, and observed that just ahead of
the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty
boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that
was about.

"Oh, that," the supervisor replied,"Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it
there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and
re-starting the line every time the bloody bell rang.”

bil
AnswerID: 627488

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 13:50

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 13:50
Big Sheila

https://youtu.be/4XDTJLHkJWE
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Follow Up By: Member - Charlie M (SA) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 15:06

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 15:06
Will not play video, says video private
Cheers
Charlie
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FollowupID: 901510

Follow Up By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 17:23

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 17:23
All fixed changed from private to public
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Reply By: Member - PhilD_NT - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 16:41

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 16:41
I picked up a hitch-hiker.

He seemed like a nice guy.
After a few kilometers, he asked me if I wasn't afraid he might be a serial killer?

I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car was extremely unlikely.

I think he wet his pants.
AnswerID: 627491

Follow Up By: Ron A - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 19:08

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 19:08
I picked up a blind lady.

She told me I had the largest penis she had ever felt.

I said "really....your pulling my leg!"
3
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Follow Up By: Alloy c/t - Monday, Sep 02, 2019 at 10:07

Monday, Sep 02, 2019 at 10:07
I asked my blind mate to get me some things from Bunnings while he was there , he picked up a hammer and saw....
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Reply By: Member - Outback Gazz - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 19:01

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 19:01
My mate and I were having a beer after work today and we were having a bit of a whinge about our wives !

I told him that my missus just goes from pub to pub, pub to bar, bar to pub and back to a bar !

My mate asked " why does she do that ? "
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I said "she's looking for me "
AnswerID: 627492

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 21:02

Friday, Aug 30, 2019 at 21:02
Blackberry problem

https://youtu.be/kAG39jKi0lI
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