Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 09:37
ThreadID: 139114 Views:2009 Replies:4 FollowUps:0
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A major arrives at a remote post. "Where's your lieutenant?" he asks a private.

"Sir, there isn't a lieutenant assigned to this post."

"I was told there was."

"No, sir, no lieutenant here."

"I'm pretty sure there is."

The private thinks about it for a moment. "Well, Major, if I may ask you a question, imagine you took the word 'rifle' and removed the letter 'f', what would remain?"

"Well, 'rile' I suppose."

"That's what I thought. And sir, if you took the word 'draft' and removed the letter 'f', what would remain?"

Amused, the major answers, "'Drat' I guess."

"And sir, if you took the word 'lieutenant' and removed the letter 'f', what would remain?"

The major says, "There is no 'f' in lieutenant."

"That's what I have been trying to tell you, sir. There is no effin' lieutenant."

bill
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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 09:41

Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 09:41





bill
AnswerID: 627887

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 09:59

Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 09:59
Happy Marriage


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Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 10:05

Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 10:05
A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a
Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a
note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is
offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he
Receives another parcel and note

Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part. The man
is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small
parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald
head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your ass
and go as a toffee apple.

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Reply By: Ron N - Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 10:10

Friday, Sep 27, 2019 at 10:10




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