The demise of an Aussie Bloke

Wednesday, Nov 12, 2014 at 23:00

Baz - The Landy



Story: Baz - The Landy

XPLORE: thelandy.com

(Original Nov 2014, edit Jan 2016)

Now let me just put it out there, news of my recent passing is greatly exaggerated, I’m still alive, loving life and getting Out and About in this great country of ours.

But you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

An on-line content area at SBS, our government sponsored television station, recently produced an article titled...

Man Dehydrates after Discovering Water is Halal Certified”.

It was intended to be a comical look at the demise of Keith Sheen succumbing to dehydration in the Outback after he refused to drink a bottle of water labelled Halal Certified…

The problem had its genesis in the fact they had used my picture, the one heading this story, in their article and implying I was Keith Sheen...

I saw a comment on social media that the picture was of a “Redneck, Bogan, Zionist, and Racist”.

Which goes to show that someone did recognise me (hell – just joking).

Seriously (seriously) joking okay, no hate mail please!

Crikey, there was no end to the tributes that were flowing into the family home.

It was distressing, especially for me.

Mrs Landy was rummaging around in the study looking for my last will and testament, the poor thing had tears streaming down her face. I was consoling and hugging her, giving my assurance that I was truly alive, and she wailed long and hard…

It wasn’t long after that I overheard her on the phone to our travel agent cancelling the shopping excursion she had just organised for herself and besties to Paris for the very next week,.

Seemingly, it was going to be a short period of mourning...

Women were weeping;

Okay, just one, my mother-in-law who coincidently was cutting onions at the time...

And my own mother rang to say…

“I told him to leave the beer alone and to drink more water, I just hope he got to confession last week, he was always a bit of a naughty boy in a nice kind of way”.

What on earth was this professional media outlet thinking inserting a photo, my photo, into a story about someone dying in the Outback?

To his or her credit, someone in the organisation recognised the error of using an image of an "Average Aussie Bloke" who in fact is still alive in its story and removed it.

But the genie was out of the bottle and the article was picked up by a number of social media sites and my photo, linked to the story, was out there on display like a "wanted" poster...

A close family member, despite being in a distressed state, managed to bring this misdemeanour to my attention and I shot an email off to the Managing Editor of SBS Online, expressing my concerns and highlighting the distress the article had caused.

Admittedly, my family member's distress was due to him falling off a bar stool because he was in stitches from laughing so much.

He knew far too well that I would never die from thirst in the Outback given there is always a slab of beer in "The Landy" – for medicinal purposes only, after all beer is full of germ killing alcohol, right?

Supposedly water just makes you sick, kosher or not.

I do have a memory of a bloke dressed in a frock once splashing some holy water on my head before taking a swig of wine from a silver cup. Let there be little doubt it was alcohol all the way for the man of the cloth and there wasn't a bottle of water in sight...

The frock thing had such a deep and lasting effect on me that I've never been able to put wine to my lips, ever – and the rumours of me having a little tutu hanging in the wardrobe is just that, a rumour!

Anyway, the upshot is SBS offered an apology that was full of legal speak, which I graciously accepted!

After all, life is far too short to be taken too seriously.

And having got that all that off my chest, can I just say it comes as no surprise that they selected my photo from the thousands available of an “Aussie Bloke” on the web.

Let’s face it Paul Hogan, Crocodile Dundee, wasn't going to cut it with SBS's women viewers given he is 75 going on 100 years...

Steve Irwin would have been a good pick except everyone knows he was tragically taken by a small stingray despite secretly hoping that he could extoll loudly at the pearly gates...

“Crikey, a big bloody croc got me"

And Alby Mangle…

Hey, whatever happened to Alby?

Compliments have a knack of coming to you in the most unusual of ways and maybe this was a compliment of sorts.

Perhaps spilling golden syrup all down the front of one of your best navvy singlets whilst devouring a slice of Mrs Landy's damper is a compliment to an exceptional baker!

But can I just ask the boffins down at SBS to let me know well before washing day next time they want to use one of my photos.

At least it will give me a chance to make sure I’ve got a clean navvy singlet on...

You wouldn't be dead for quids, hey?



And in case you were wondering… “Baz – The Landy” came about as a consequence of owning three Land Rover Defenders, but as you can see this has now changed and yes, thank you, I've recovered fully!

And whilst I'm reluctant to refer to the new vehicle as “Baz – The Landy” that’s for sure; the owners’ of either brand would never forgive me!

But “Baz – The Landy” reference has stuck, so “Baz – The Landy” it is...!

“Those who don’t think
it can be done shouldn’t
bother the person doing it…”
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