Member - Blue (VIC) replied:

LOL... It's a thin line though, isn't it...???

Mr Fawlty replied:

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving
at him.
She says hello.

He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her
from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies,
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Des Lexic replied:

Shane Warne's team mates were perplexed one morning to see Shane walk into the change rooms with a pair of women's panties on his upper-arm.

Somewhat used to Shane's tendencies, they let it go and went about getting ready.

The day wore on; Shane bowled a few overs and the batsman came and went with a puzzled expression on their faces but no one dared ask about the panties.

Finally, Ricky Ponting walked up to Shane between overs and gently whispered to him. "Er Shane," he said, "We've come to expect many unusual things from you, but we're a bit worried that you seem to be wearing a pair of women's panties on your arm. Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."

"Oh no," Shane grinned. "It's The Patch. I'm trying to quit."

Member - Doug T (W.A) replied:

Two Tourist Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake in
Canberra.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same
size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Crock, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'Crock.

"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliament
House."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the schit out of
them and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the schit
out of a
Politician, there's nothing left but an arrsehole and a briefcase."

Member - Troll 81 (QLD) replied:

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no
reaction.She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest,Carlos.
Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and coming to rest in some nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest and bent over to pick it up.

Eleven bells began to ring.

Member - Ross H (QLD) replied:

This biker has always dreamed of owning a brand new Harley Davidson.
>>>> One day he has finally saved up enough money, so he goes down to the
>>>> dealer to Trade in his old rusty Harley on a brand new model. After
>>>> he
>>>
>>>> picks out the perfect
>>>> bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick to keep the
>>>> chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all
>>>> he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the
>>>> chrome before it rains, and
>>> everything
>>>> will be fine.
>>>>
>>>> He happily pays for the bike and leaves. A few months later, the
>>>> young
>>>
>>>> man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and
>>>> meet her
>>> parents
>>>> over dinner.
>>>> He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time, he
>>> picks
>>>> her up on
>>>> this Harley and they ride to her parents house.
>>>>
>>>> Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition
>>> that
>>>> whoever
>>>> speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After a delicious
>>> dinner,
>>>> everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the
>>>> silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes,
>>
>>>> the young man decides to speed things
>>> up,
>>>> so he reaches
>>>> over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word.
>>>> Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her
>>> breasts.
>>>> Still no one says
>>>> a word.
>>>> Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of
>>>> everyone. No one says a word.
>>>> Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on
>>
>>>> the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks.
>>>> By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the
>>>> distance.
>>>> His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets
>>> his
>>>> jacket, reaches
>>>> in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
>>>> The father jumps up and says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!"