tryonreef replied:

Subject: The Half Wit



Half Wit
A man owned a small potato farm in Houlton, Maine. An agent from the
Maine Wage & Hour Board dropped by on a routine check to see if he was
Paying proper wages to his hired hands. "I need a list of your
Employees and how much you pay them," said the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "There's a man who's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. Then there's
The cook. She's been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week
plus free room and board."

"Finally there's a half-wit who works 18 hours every day and does
About 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $30 a week, pays
His own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of scotch every
Saturday night."

"That's the guy I want to talk to .... the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me." replied the farmer.

Bros 1 replied:

For the Girls,

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Cheers,
Bros.

Member No 1 replied:

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom", he
asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied

.....................................
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O
..........................................................
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
..........................................................

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
..........................................................
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
..........................................................
TEACHER: Gabe, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GABE: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GABE: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
.............................................................
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

Member - johnathon W (WA) replied:

Tarzan is swinging from tree to tree as he normally does next minute he slip and starts falling. On the way down he gets his eye poked out, then smack looses his arm, whack crunch tear loose his man hood then thud lads on a bush that cushions his fall. He manages to get on his feet in a daze and staggers over to see the witch doctor.
"witch doctor help me please" Tarzan groans
Witch doctor looks at him in horror oh sh@# "you look like hell".he replies,
"Well I see what I can do" with that he disappears into his hut and returns few seconds later with a few things.
"for your eye l will put in a hawks, for your arm l will give you gorillas arm, for your man hood I will give you a baby elephants trunk" explains the witch doctor, so he patches Tarzan's up and sends him on his way

With this Tarzan test this all out everything is great except the elephant trunk and returns soon after see the witch doctor.
"listen the hawks eye you have given me is fantastic I can judge my distance correctly even better than before, the gorillas arm have not miss or slipped once, but this elephants trunk ever time swing past trees it rips of leave and shoves them up my butt

Mr Fawlty replied:

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patent's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
Instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
Jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined th at the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN, no name

AND FINALLY!!!............

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replie d, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina…."

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)