Phyrdai Phunnies

Submitted: Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 03:34
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Looking for adventure.
In whatever comes our way.

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Reply By: Member - Tony H (touring oz) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 08:33

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 08:33
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'

'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.

'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...

No more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook... you're gone.'

Insanity doesnt run in my family.... it gallops!

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AnswerID: 507783

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 11:03

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 11:03

"I don't care WHO you are. You're not walking on the water while I'm fishing."

Bill B

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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 11:04

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 11:04

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Some men take mistresses just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well read.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen the mall.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Bill B

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AnswerID: 507793

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 11:07

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 11:07

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going
through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands
on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can
stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to
do with her worth as a human being?

It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and
in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.

Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not
only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bleep on your knee."

Bill B

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AnswerID: 507794

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 14:31

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 14:31
When an innocent picture goes horribly wrong

AnswerID: 507801

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 14:34

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 14:34
Why God Sends Rain To Mexico & Not The Middle East....


Middle East

AnswerID: 507802

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 14:41

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 14:41
Mystery solved

AnswerID: 507804

Reply By: Member - DickyBeach - Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 15:04

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 at 15:04
Now that we have a new Pope, it can be revealed that a particularly qualified and distinguished man just missed out on being chosen.

Bishop Hans Grapje was raised by Dutch immigrant parents, both pharmacists. He attended a Catholic school in Boston. As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the army during WWII. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot until, in 1943, his aircraft was shot down and he lost his left arm.

While a POW, Hans spent the remainder of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual advice and last rites to dying soldiers, allied and enemy. He was renowned for his ecumenical tenderness and compassion. After the war, Grapje became a priest and served as a missionary throughout Africa. In spite of his handicap, he was noted for piloting his own bush plane into the deepest, most primitive villages to spread the church's message and charity to the impoverished.

In 1997, then Archbishop Grapje was serving at an outpost in Zimbabwe when an explosion in one of the country's vast silver mines caused a catastrophic cave-in.

The archbishop, in spite of his age and infirmity, went down into several of the shafts to administer last rites to those who would never escape.

He was in one of these shafts when it partially caved in, trapping him and several rescuers.

Although he was rescued three days later, he suffered several painful injuries, including one that cost him his right eye.

Additionally, the silver content in the shaft's air supply had poisoned him, causing his skin to take an indigo hue - a condition known as purpura - that persists to this day.

Although the Cardinal has devoted, and indeed risked, his life in the service of God for nearly 70 years, as a scholar, a mentor, and the epitome of a holy man, church politics precluded his ascension to the Papacy.

Church leaders have made it clear they did NOT want a one-eyed, one armed, flying, purple, Papal leader.
AnswerID: 507805

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