Sunday, Dec 01, 2013 at 20:59
This was written in response to Allan - while composing it the other responses have come in. Please note gentlmen, I am writing as a mature woman, one of the 15% of female users of this site. If this was a men only
forum maybe(?) none of this would matter - but its a general
forum and surprise! female users may have a different point of view.
Hi Allan,
You really do lead me into the depths of off-topicism, but at the risk of being hounded by the moderators or by those who can offer no better castigation, I will risk a reply. But first I had to lighten up, so I went and gave Troopy a thorough cut and polish LOL.
I think I should thank you for your response, and take it as a positive sign. However, I would not wish to jeopardise your standing with your “male fellow Forumites”, so for your sake I’ll just make it a qualified thanks! I also am decidedly of the opinion that any pose you tried as a “red necked misogynist” would be seen through pretty quickly, so maybe you should not attempt such a masquerade.
I have seen the affection between you and Roz, but the point is that on this
forum I have only ever seen you refer to her as Roz, which is as respectful as you can be. Likewise
John and I in public use each other’s names. In private we have our own jokey names – but the joke would be lost on anybody else so we only use them privately.
I guess my main point (from which I do not resile) is that there is a big difference between what can be said on a public
forum without risk of misunderstanding, and what is said privately face to face. As another poster pointed out in a recent thread the bulk of communication is non-verbal (body language). That non verbal component is missing on-line, so it’s easy to misinterpret things written in cyberspace.
On this
forum I have seen women (mostly wives/partners I guess) referred to by all sorts of epithets: The Child Bride, the Old Woman, the Missus, the ball and chain, ‘Er Upstairs, She who must be obeyed, the wife, the handbrake, the navigator, the minister for war and finances and so on. All intended as a joke no doubt, no disrespect intended – but how do we know? Do the subjects of these epithets even know they are being so described? To a stranger such references aren’t flattering, and jokes cease to be funny when repeated add nauseum. What’s wrong with calling someone Sue or Mary or Sally?
I have lived and worked in predominantly male environments all my life, and can usually see when “jokes” get out of hand, often due to peer pressure. I do know that most men – including your good self,
John and my 3 wonderful sons – are good, kind and thoughtful people. But there are a few who find it amusing to be disrespectful. Like Roz, I will not tolerate being treated in a disparaging manner, and have reached a point in life where I reckon that, for the sake of my grand-daughters at least I am prepared to call disrespect when I see it.
Respectfully,
Cheers,
Val.
| J and V
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