Sorry but the night is in need of a pick me up.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
20 kg.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$9.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get the remote.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy, but wearable."
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Do you know why women fake orgasm?
Because men fake foreplay.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law!