its phriday again

Submitted: Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 08:48
ThreadID: 20331 Views:1570 Replies:2 FollowUps:1
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The Pond

An old farmer in Northern Queensland had owned a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back, which he had fixed up with picnic
tables, a BBQ and some apple and peach trees.

The pond was properly shaped and wonderful for swimming. One evening the old
farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while,
and look it over. He grabbed a big bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As
he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his
pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The
old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or
make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the crocodile!".

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every
time.
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Reply By: Member- Starky - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 09:34

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 09:34
A young man called Peter invited his mother for dinner. During the course
of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Peter's
flatmate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between
the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flatmate
than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates.

About a week later, Simon came to Peter saying, Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan. You don't
suppose she took it do you?

Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure, said Peter, so he
sat down and wrote:

Dear mother, I'm not saying that you did take the
frying pan from my house. I'm not saying that you did not take the frying
pan. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love
peter

Several days later, Peter received an e-mail from his mother which
read:

Dear son. I'm not saying that you do sleep with Simon, and I'm not
saying that you do not sleep with Simon, but the fact remains that if he
was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the frying pan by
now.
Love mum

How do these people survive?
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could order 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
We don't have half dozen nuggets, said the teenager at the counter.
You don't? I asked.
We only have six, nine or twelve, was the reply.
So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?
That's right.
I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
---------------------------------------------------------
I was checking out at the local Woolies with a few items, and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine I picked up one of the
dividers they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things
so they wouldn't get mixed After the checkout girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she
could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, Do you know how much this is I said to her, I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that
today.
She said OK
I paid her for my things and left. She had no clue as to what had just
happened.
---------------------------------------------------------
A lady at work put a credit card into her PC's floppy drive and pulled it
out very quickly, repeating the action a few times. When I inquired as to
what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they
kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
thingy.
---------------------------------------------------------
I recently saw a distraught young lady standing beside her car in a
parking lot.
Do you need some help? I asked.
She replied, I knew I should have replaced the battery to this
remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a convenience store 50m away) would have a battery to fit this?
Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too? I asked
No, just this remote, she answered, handing it AND the car
keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.
---------------------------------------------------------
Several years ago, we had an intern in the office who was none too swift.
One day as she was typing, she turned to a secretary and said, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?
Just use copier machine paper, the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
---------------------------------------------------------
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister.
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
---------------------------------------------------------
My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One day he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this to say: I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?
---------------------------------------------------------
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
A piece of paper with the message He's Lying, was placed in the
copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the lie detector was working, the
suspect confessed.

AnswerID: 97819

Reply By: Member - Sparkie (QLD) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 11:44

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 11:44
Caught Red Handed
The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own tattoo. The woman cocked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.
The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.
"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.
"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile.
"Great," he said, "I'll just nip into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes."
Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.
"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.
"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.
"But..but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.
The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, "The little bastards!"

Sparkie(IE not Y) ;-)
AnswerID: 97834

Follow Up By: Member - Sparkie (QLD) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 12:13

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 12:13
Here is another funny one ;-)

Cough Medicine
John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing. He asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup.Remembering his boss' warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired. He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the dang cough syrup. So, I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once, John explained.
Ex-Lax? That won't cure a cough, Bob shouted angrily.
Sure it will, John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.Just look at him. He's afraid to cough

Sparkie(IE not Y) ;-)
0
FollowupID: 356383

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