PHRIDAY PHUNNY!

Submitted: Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 10:11
ThreadID: 20335 Views:1968 Replies:6 FollowUps:1
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The owner of a gasoline station in Tattnall County, Georgia was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a billboard showing "FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP!"

Soon a local young man, Jim filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him "pick a number from 1 to 10; if you pick the right number, you will get your free sex."

Jim picked the number 8, and the gas station owner said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later Jim, along with his buddy Bill, pulled into the station.

Jim filled his gas tank, and again asked for his free sex. The station owner gave him the same story again, and asked him to guess a number.
This time, Jim guessed 2. The station owner said, "Sorry, the correct number was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away from the gasoline station, Jim said to Bill,
"I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bill replied, "No it ain't rigged Jim. My wife won twice last week."

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Reply By: Truckster (Vic) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 10:21

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 10:21
Wheres the Rake?

NO ITS NOT PORN!
AnswerID: 97825

Reply By: Member - Sparkie (QLD) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 12:03

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 12:03
Bloody Bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

Sparkie(IE not Y) ;-)
AnswerID: 97836

Reply By: muzzimbidgie - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 12:51

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 12:51
A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that
the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes
off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches. "Can I get you
anything, sir?" she asks the man.

"Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minute. Thank
you."

"And for you, sir?" she asks the parrot. "A double whisky and coke, bitch, and make it quick, I'm thirsty as f***!" demands the parrot.

The stewardess returns a few minutes later with the parrot's
drink, which he snatches without a word. "Excuse me," says the man, "but
I ordered a coffee".

"Did you, sir? I'm sorry, I'll get you one straight away." By which time
the parrot has finished his drink. "Anything else for you, sir?"the
stewardess asks the parrot.

"Yeah, I want another double whisky and coke, and quick, bitch,
I can't wait all f*****g night!"

Again the stewardess returns with the parrot's drink and without
the coffee.

Naturally the man thinks the only way he is going to get any
service is to adopt the attitude of his fellow passenger.

"Listen here you stinking slapper," he says to the stewardess,
"I want my bloody coffee and I want it bloody now, you tart!"

Two minutes later the stewardess returns, but this time with two
enormous security guards, who proceed to manhandle the man and the parrot to the back of the plane, opens the door and ejects them from the plane.

As they hurtle uncontrollably towards earth from 6 miles up the
parrot turns to the man and says, "You're a bit of a lippy twat for
someone who can't fly, aren't you!"
AnswerID: 97842

Reply By: Member - Mozza (NSW) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 13:04

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 13:04
Title: GOLF

Two women were playing golf. One teed off, and watched in horror as
her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands
together, at his groin, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll
around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise.
Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist, and I know
I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
replied. He was still in pain, lying in the foetal position, still
clasping his hands together in his groin. But, she persisted, and he
finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away, and laid
them to the side.

She loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to
massage him, and then asked, How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.
AnswerID: 97844

Reply By: Member - JohnR (Vic) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 16:34

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 16:34
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I neverhave a good time when you're not there." Then she asked,"Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to my Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."
Cheers,
Who?
John

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AnswerID: 97877

Follow Up By: Truckster (Vic) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 17:24

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 17:24
No more sad jokes..

I HAVENT LEFT YET :'(

We will get dinner on the way.. gimme a call later on round 7.30 see where the )(*&@#()*$& I am will ya!
0
FollowupID: 356419

Reply By: Bonz (Vic) - Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 17:40

Friday, Feb 11, 2005 at 17:40
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
.
Time is an illusion produced by the passage of history
.

Lifetime Member
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AnswerID: 97896

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