1.
After last week’s terror attack’s the French President has raised Frances security level from RUN to HIDE there are only 2 levels higher than this SURENDER and COLABORATE.
This was on account of the burning down of the French WHITE FLAGE factory, which has basically made the FRENCH ARMY useless.
2.
Thing’s you would like to say at work.
1. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I can see your point, but I still think you're full ofbleep.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was
young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
16. Any connection between your reality and
mine is purely coincidental.
17. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
18. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
19. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
20. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
21. Do I look like a people person?
22. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
23. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
25. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
26. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
27. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number one?
28. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
29. Chaos, panic and disorder -- my work here is done.
30. How do I set a laser printer to stun?