Careful, this might be us one day.
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very
well dressed, hair
well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
good after shave, presenting a
well looked after image, walks into an
upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady,
(mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders
a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here
often?"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just
sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
>>
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says . . "Slim, I'm 83
years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about
my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think
I just wet my pants. "
>>
Dinner
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man
thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower
you give to someone you love? You know ... the one that's red and has
thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of
that restaurant we went to last night?"
>>
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat
about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I
don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown."
____________________________________________________________________
"A lady from the Blue Mountains, NSW, who was a tree hugger and an
anti-hunter, purchased a piece of rural land to enjoy nature. There was a
large gum tree in the top paddock. She wanted a good view of the natural
splendour around her so she started to climb the old tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a tawny frogmouth which flew at her.
In her haste to escape the lady slid down the tree and got many splinters in
her private parts. In serious pain she hurried to the nearest doctor. She
told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and explained how
she came to get the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to
go into the waiting room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and
waited for 3 hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry lady demanded
"What took so long?"
He smiled and then explained, "
Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Authority, Land Care and the Conservation
Department; before I could remove old growth timber from a recreational
area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down".