Mid week funnies

Submitted: Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 11:30
ThreadID: 32985 Views:1591 Replies:3 FollowUps:0
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Ok so it's not Friday but we were all away last Friday and I'm away next Friday so here goes.
A young Native American woman went to a doctor for the first physical exam
of her life.

After checking all her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said,
"Well, Running Doe, you're in fine health.

I could find no problems with your health, but did notice one abnormality."

"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"

"Well, you have no nip'ples."

"None of the people in my tribe have nipp,les," she replied.

"That's amazing!" said the doctor.

"I'd like to write this up for The American Journal of Medicine, if you
don't mind"

She said, "I guess, if you'd like to do that, it's fine with me."

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"

She answered, "Approximately 500."

"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.

Running Doe smiled and replied, "We're called...The Indiannippleless Five
Hundred."

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A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed
around the offering plates.

When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "don't pay for me daddy.
I'm under five"

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"Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on
his mother's side. "Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising
us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.

"I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit"
the little boy answered.

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A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.

He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds,
then it comes crashing back down to earth.

He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to
herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window
and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind.
Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.

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WORDS THAT REALLY SHOULD EXIST (part 2)

Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.

Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists.

Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.

Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.

Mandals: sandals for men.

Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving directions in an
overly-critical manner.

Obliment: an obligatory compliment.

Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty person.

Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.

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Reply By: Wisey (NSW) - Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 14:46

Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 14:46
I'm out on the limb with ya Des Lexic,

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it
in on a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is
getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out
of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and
bump into things even in the best weather.

I don't start as easily when its cold, either. Battery isn't cranking as
strong. Tend to overheat more easily when its hot. Radiator pump not pumping
as strong.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it - - almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,
either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!!
AnswerID: 167573

Reply By: Mr Fawlty - Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 17:38

Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 17:38
I'm only prepared to post jokes on Wednesday if no one has a gybe....
Getting Screwed


Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office...but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said
I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you...but the girl said NO.
Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down,
I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thoughtfor a moment
and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...

so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very
fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...

She said "The bastard used coins"



Management lesson :

Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety

before agreeing to it......................... and getting screwed
AnswerID: 167606

Reply By: Jimbo - Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 19:49

Tuesday, Apr 18, 2006 at 19:49
KS of TI,

Deal with these miscreants immediately.
AnswerID: 167647

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