The ten things I hate most about being on the road.

Submitted: Monday, May 15, 2006 at 09:35
ThreadID: 33904 Views:2761 Replies:13 FollowUps:25
This Thread has been Archived
I did a trip (on my own) up to the Mid North Coast from Canberra and back again last weekend. Plenty of time to ponder useless thoughts, and I came up with my list of the ten things I hate most about being on the road.

10. Fuel prices. Nuff said.

9. Sometimes being the ONLY perfect driver on the road is a heavy burden for me. But I am holding up OK. Anyone else with this problem?

8. Why is it that some people are happy to hold up traffic for 5 minutes while they wait for a car park right outside the front door of McDonalds? Heaven forbid that you should have to walk 20 paces from the 15 parks that ARE currently available.

7. While on the subject of McDonalds, why do I keep going back? What is my fascination? No, if I had wanted a drink with that I would have bloody asked for it. Yes, I do want to eat it here. Do you think I would be caught eating this bleep e in public?

6. Why do older men in 5.0 litre Fairlanes feel that they have to accelerate from 85 to 120 when they hit an overtaking lane? Sure, some overtaking lanes might look a bit like a drag strip, but there the resemblance ends. News Flash Granddad! There is no glory in blowing away a 12 year old Landcruiser!

5. How come the car that has been coming up from behind on the freeway for the last 20 minutes always manages to catch up just in time to box you in behind the caravan in front. And always going up a steep hill!

4. Picture a deserted highway in the early hours of the morning. You think it would be OK to pull over for a leak on the side of the road, right? Wrong! This is exactly when the bus carrying the touring Swedish National Netball Team will come round the corner. Many of you might not know, but these girls constantly tour this country waiting to pounce on such opportunities. Many people will tell you that, if you break down in the outback, you should boil the billy first. Wrong! Take a leak and these girls will be along in a jiffy. Sure, they won’t be able to fix your car. But if you keep a couple of cans of that spray whipped cream and a kiddies wading pool handy, then you can pass the time admirably until someone comes along who can.

3. How come the iPod shuffle will ALWAYS crank up a Wiggles tune right when you pull up next to a car of pretty young things at the lights? Mark my words guys, there is nothing ‘random’ about the way this thing works; it is a conspiracy. Rumour has it that the software was written by a group of bitter, married, middle aged women. I have now painted “MARRIED WITH CHILDREN” down the side of my truck. Should fix the problem.

2. UHF Channel 40. As a source of information about road conditions, radar traps, etc it is invaluable. But, even after 22 years in the Navy, I learn new words every time I tune in. These guys should really be careful about their language, there might be mechanics listening in.

and the number one thing I hate about traveling:

1. The new RTA flashing signs that very politely ask you if you are yawning. Well no, at least not until I read your sign, now I can’t fu@$%*g stop! Thanks a lot.

Any I have missed?

Matt.
Back Expand Un-Read 0 Moderator

Reply By: Scoey (QLD) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:04

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:04
Hey Matt,

Entertaining read! And I think you are a lot like me and not so much angry, as just misunderstood! haha!!

Cheers
Scoey!
AnswerID: 172745

Reply By: GUPatrol - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:17

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:17
Matt,

Since you are from Canberra, yes you have missed one.

Why is it that Canberrans don't keep to the left and leave the right line for faster cars? even worst!! They drive side by side and nobody gets through then....!!!

AnswerID: 172750

Follow Up By: Member - Matt M (ACT) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:20

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:20
Simple answer to that one. Canberra is a political town and nobody wants to be seen heading too far to the left in the current political climate.

Matt.
0
FollowupID: 428385

Follow Up By: Member No 1- Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:54

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:54
sounds like we crow eaters taught em
0
FollowupID: 428392

Follow Up By: Pajman Pete (SA) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 13:15

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 13:15
And then there is the fun of sitting next to the Capital and State Circles watching tourists get lost going round and round trying to get off in the right direction!

Cheers

Pete
Any mug can be uncomfortable out bush

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 428424

Reply By: ch00k555 - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:31

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:31
Matt,
What about when the overtaking lane is about to end and the sign indicates Left Hand Lane ends 500M, why do people leave it until the very last metre before merging?

Chook
AnswerID: 172752

Follow Up By: Nick R - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:27

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:27
Also why is it that others merge as soon as they see it causing you to brake and lose the momentum you gained to overtake. usually I would then undertake but the diesel patrol doesn't have the poke to do it.
NickR
Carpe Cerevisi

Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Position  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 428439

Reply By: Wayne (NSW) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:57

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:57
Matt,

You have to get out more.

My problem is when I am doing the long haul between trips I start to think of how I can improve the set up in the Troopie. This will cost me time and money and is never ending.

Where do you find the SSNT. I will have to stop more often for a scratch in the sand box.

What you have said can apply to any stretch of road in the country and that is why it is never boring, so much to see and do.

Wayne
AnswerID: 172759

Follow Up By: Scoey (QLD) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 11:28

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 11:28
Haha, methinks Matt getting out at all might be the problem Wayne! haha!
0
FollowupID: 428398

Follow Up By: Member - Matt M (ACT) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:13

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:13
You're right Wayne, I DO need to get out more. Wouldn't we all love to? Second half of this year I am taking long service leave and we are off. The day can't get here fast enough.

You are spot on about driving and traveling in this country. There is always something different to see and sometimes just how much of 'nothing' there is in some places is what makes it fascinating. Being away from home and work gives you a great opportunity to think things through and even indulge in fanciful thoughts. A very refreshing activity.

The Aborigines were spot on, I do believe there is something very spiritual about our land. It means different things to different people, but should never fail to inspire and promote thought (even ones as silly as mine).

Cheers,

Matt.
0
FollowupID: 428434

Follow Up By: Member - Roachie (SA) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:23

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:23
I think all of us on this site should band together to "buy" a doctor. We pool our financial resources to pay his salary and get him to write out a "DOCTORS ORDER" whenever we want him to. The wording on the order will invariably be " Mr **** is suffering from stress and needs to get away from civilisation for 6 months; with FULL PAY".

I'll be his first patient!!!!!!!!!!! ;-))))
0
FollowupID: 428436

Follow Up By: Member - Matt M (ACT) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:36

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:36
I hope he bulk bills.
0
FollowupID: 428443

Follow Up By: Old Scalyback & denny - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 19:17

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 19:17
good idea roachie but who pays me i am self employed ?? maybe he could put me on a pension

steve
0
FollowupID: 428499

Follow Up By: boo boo - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 16:15

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 16:15
gentlemen, gentlemen we are showing our sexist behavour. There are several female Doctors out there that can write "a sickie certificate with full pay",just as well as a male doctor unfortunately my wife is one of those Doctors that won't write one for me unless she gets one too! Bob
0
FollowupID: 428651

Reply By: Member - Beatit (QLD) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 11:36

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 11:36
I like your clear and thorough analysis of road users and I can relate to most of it. Firstly the bride would argue that my agreement to your comments just confirms that I'm a cranky old man. This is her way of explaining my dislike for all those things you have mentioned - some get up my nose more than others and I like to verbalise them whilst driving. That brings me to point 6, I like my 5 litre commodore (no not some bluddy ford) and I do my best to blow away the slow traffic before the 5K to next overtaking lane sign - don't like anyone sitting on my @rse as some signal to all and sundry that I am happy to hold up traffic. For this my bride labels me some petrol head hoon, but I'm generally happier with this label (better than COM). Now I just passed 50 - age not KPH - and wonder when is it OK to call someone old? - I was think that I'm OK for at least another 20 years what do ya reckon?

Kind regards
AnswerID: 172764

Follow Up By: Old Scalyback & denny - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 19:21

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 19:21
goodday beatit
over 50 mate youve had it
i am 56 and the blokes i work with often want to know what it was like when queen vic was crowned or what did i do in the boer war etc etc cheeky buggers my boss is only 2 yrs younger

steve
0
FollowupID: 428502

Follow Up By: Member - Beatit (QLD) - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 07:43

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 07:43
G'day Steve,

I know what you mean but fortunately my boss is 60 so no problem there. I note that you're self employed and hope you are able to retire soon. Mate I'm a pen pusher but if I had a trade I'd be on the road sooner because there is just heaps of work out there while travelling the remote areas. In fact I was planning on retiring when 55 but Pete may have delayed that with his attractive offer for tax free super income at 60. Was thinking of doing an apprenticeship between 55 to 60 just to give me a trade for travelling. Probably some sub conscious desire to stay young but it seems like a reasonable plan.

Kind regards

Theo
0
FollowupID: 428588

Follow Up By: Old Scalyback & denny - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 20:20

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 20:20
goodday beatit
1 thing i have done recently is to get my fork lift license valid all over australia
and i am a sparkie as well the plan is to sell up in 2 years and go where ever doesnt matter but just go

steve
0
FollowupID: 428726

Follow Up By: Member - Beatit (QLD) - Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 08:05

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 08:05
Sounds like a plan. I was reading the QLD fishing monthly yesterday and someone was looking for a sparkie on the gulf with the blurb "if you like fishing then this is the job for you" I think they were offering 3 or 6 months work. Thought it somewhat unusual to advertise a position in a fishing mag but then again it shows how much work is out there if you can travel.

Kind regards

Theo
0
FollowupID: 428893

Reply By: Footloose - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 12:36

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 12:36
I have always been told that I was rather strange and perhaps unique. No longer. I laughed out aloud while agreeing with every single point. (and that MUST worry you:)
I have written before about the SNT and ablutions.
Why is it that we need to go just when there's no vegetation for miles ? I only got passed by 2 4wds on the Plenty last year, and guess what I was doing at the time ?
Is there some sort of sign I can buy that says "don't look, your daughter isn't around here ?"
As for being married with children, just wait a few years. Grey hair, wrinkles and the harried frown says it all !
AnswerID: 172770

Reply By: Pajman Pete (SA) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 13:10

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 13:10
Loved it.

22 years in the grey funnel line eh. That's 2 years past the ejection point! I only managed 21.

Cheers

Pete
Any mug can be uncomfortable out bush

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

AnswerID: 172772

Follow Up By: Member - Tony G (ACT) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 13:14

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 13:14
I was another that done 21. Started in 63.
0
FollowupID: 428423

Follow Up By: Pajman Pete (SA) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:23

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 14:23
I started in 77.
Any mug can be uncomfortable out bush

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 428437

Follow Up By: Member - Craig D (SA) - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 11:32

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 11:32
Well I managed 20 in sludgmarines....started in 80.
0
FollowupID: 428605

Follow Up By: Pajman Pete (SA) - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 22:46

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 22:46
I gained my ticket in the big Melbourne (not the plastic one) then worked my way down to patrol boats via DDGs (last of the war canoes!).

Looks like there are a few ex matelots on here. Trying to get as far away from the sea as possible??

Cheers

Pete
Any mug can be uncomfortable out bush

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 428829

Follow Up By: Member - Craig D (SA) - Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 07:43

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 07:43
Tried to...but now I work not 10metres off the Port River...and I still go to sea on the bloody pigs!

2 years general service
13 in Oberons
5 in Collins Class

Oh, and I did spend some time on Vampire, too, about six hours before I saw the light LOL. Spent me whole time in the heads crook-as!

Cheers.

ps: started as an RO but changed over to C-rate greenie.
0
FollowupID: 428890

Follow Up By: Member - Tony G (ACT) - Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 10:20

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 10:20
My last ship as Buffer was Vamps. Two stints on PB's in Darwin and Cairns, the rest of the time on DE's.
0
FollowupID: 428927

Follow Up By: Pajman Pete (SA) - Friday, Jun 02, 2006 at 09:35

Friday, Jun 02, 2006 at 09:35
I was in Darwin in Ipswich 84/85 and Wollongong 94/96 plus 2 years in NORCOM for my sins.
Any mug can be uncomfortable out bush

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 432299

Follow Up By: Member - Craig D (SA) - Friday, Jun 02, 2006 at 09:46

Friday, Jun 02, 2006 at 09:46
I did a stint at Coonawarra in 81/82...Darwin was a blast back then, but I was probably a bit young to really appreciate it all (no car!).

Can't remember volunteering for boats, but that's where I ended up. Trained in Canada on their boats and from there pretty much did lots north of the equator.

As per my previous post, started as an RO, changed over to C-rate greenie and then got posted to Collins Class so had to be re-trained again as an S-rate. Was the WEEO / OOW (as a CPO...so much for being a day-hand!) on Waller, then paid off after 20 big ones.

How about you Pete?
0
FollowupID: 432302

Follow Up By: Pajman Pete (SA) - Monday, Jun 05, 2006 at 07:40

Monday, Jun 05, 2006 at 07:40
I joined up in 1977 through the Naval college and qualified a a Seaman Officer in 1981 in the Melbourne.

I also served in the Supply, Hobart, Perth, Tobruk, Ipswich and commanded Wollongong 94-96. I did shore stints at Cerberus, NORCOM, Defence Central, DIO, ADFWC in Newcastle and the Army Staff College. I left the Navy after 21 years and switched to the RAAF as the Senior Intello at the Airlift Group in Richmond.

Pulled the pin in 2000 and have done all sorts of different things since then to maintain the 2 yearly job change I am familiar with! After 17 houses in 17 years of marriage we decided that we would stay put, but we now have itchy feet and are looking for another change. Roll on retirement when we can become grey nomads!

Cheers

Peter

Hmmm the spell checker wanted to change Tobruk to "Truck" seems appropriate ...
Any mug can be uncomfortable out bush

Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 432796

Reply By: Member - Ian W (NSW) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 19:22

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 19:22
Matt,
Thank God rour out there somewhere. I now know I'm not alone.

Ian
AnswerID: 172825

Reply By: Member - John Q (QLD) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 20:26

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 20:26
Hi Matt,

Heading your way this week for an Army reunion & hope I don't encounter too many of your pet hates however I feel the odds will be against me.

John
just crusin & smelling the flowers

1. At Halls Creek (Is he really lost?)
2. East of Cameron Cnr


Member
My Profile  My Blog  Send Message

AnswerID: 172842

Reply By: Bob Y. - Qld - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 20:50

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 20:50
Top research, Matt. Can agree with them all, even to the age thing, and still going to Maccas. Driving and doing "mental research" at same time is akin to unconscious competence. Probably a state of remote control?

As I was leaving one station, on leave, this female cook, who I'd upset, told me I wouldn't get home, without a major problem. Really put the mocker?? on me.
She was right, got bogged in the only blacksoil patch between Wyandra, and Cunnamulla. During the night, a bus slowed to a halt nearby.
At daylight got up, lit a fire and put billy on. Soon the occupants, of bus, both blokes and girls, wandered over, and shared the fire.
So much for the bitchy cook, only took about 6 of these blokes to put the ute back on the road, and was in the Blue Mountains that night.

Long distance travel is a pain, once you get older, don't seem to have the same endurance. Like a few other things....

Hooroo...
Seen it all, Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.

Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Blog  My Position  Send Message

AnswerID: 172847

Reply By: Muzzgit (WA) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 21:57

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 21:57
Channel 40 gets turned off whenever we are near a major city. My missus is none too happy about a particular word that gets used every 10 seconds.

On Sunday morning, on the repeater channel here in perth, I had to put up with nearly 30 minutes of someone playing really bad electric guitar over the airwaves. The only reason I was on that channel was to get a radio check, and yes, as someone so politely told me ......"yes mate, it's a radio"

Macca's, I avoid it whenever possible. Same as KFC and Hungry's
My waistline and arteries are thanking me for it.

Overtaking lanes....put in to ease stress, road rage, dangerous situations etc.
And yes they probably do, but never when I'm around!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for ones you have missed. Well, yeah

17 year olds who think you should be at home on a rocking chair because your not under 20. Even though I havn't lost a demerit point for years, havn't had a crash (touch wood) in 24 years, but I love getting the patrol sideways on wet bitumen at the main lights near work.

But my biggest complaint would have to be arsewholes who will not, cannot, refuse to, couldn't give a crap about the 4 spotlights on the roof of the ute......you know what I'm gonna say......people who don't dip the high beam at night

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH
AnswerID: 172866

Reply By: Scooter13 - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 22:54

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 22:54
9. Sometimes being the ONLY perfect driver on the road is a heavy burden for me. But I am holding up OK. Anyone else with this problem?

You're kidding right ???!!!

7. While on the subject of McDonalds, why do I keep going back? What is my fascination? No, if I had wanted a drink with that I would have bloody asked for it. Yes, I do want to eat it here. Do you think I would be caught eating this bleep e in public?

Genetics, and the Bacon & Egg McMuffins
AnswerID: 172870

Follow Up By: Member - Roachie (SA) - Monday, May 15, 2006 at 23:01

Monday, May 15, 2006 at 23:01
No. He's not the only perfect driver in this country.................

I am the other one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahaha
0
FollowupID: 428562

Follow Up By: Member - Beatit (QLD) - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 11:53

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 11:53
Whoa there Roachie, last time I checked my pulse I was perfect as well. I guess that makes 3 of us - if only we can those other ratbags to conform we'll be right.

Kind regards
0
FollowupID: 428611

Reply By: madCrow - Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 02:15

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 02:15
Hi Matt
The one I'll add to your list of things I hate on the road, I'll call 5a.
You know your ploding along at the speed limit, you come up behind a slow poke, you wait patiently till there's a clear run to overtake & what do they do when you attempt to overtake them?
They bloody speed up, they don't like being over taken, they speed up till they are doing the speed limit, many times creep beyond it, so you end up stuck behind them again, then they start to slow again, you try to over take again & the story repeats itself. Arghhhhh!

Love your list

madCrow
AnswerID: 172883

Sponsored Links

Popular Products (13)