I did a trip (on my own) up to the Mid North Coast from
Canberra and back again last weekend. Plenty of time to ponder useless thoughts, and I came up with my list of the ten things I hate most about being on the road.
10. Fuel prices. Nuff said.
9. Sometimes being the ONLY perfect driver on the road is a heavy burden for me. But I am holding up OK. Anyone else with this problem?
8. Why is it that some people are happy to hold up traffic for 5 minutes while they wait for a car park right outside the front door of McDonalds?
Heaven forbid that you should have to walk 20 paces from the 15 parks that ARE currently available.
7. While on the subject of McDonalds, why do I keep going back? What is my fascination? No, if I had wanted a drink with that I would have bloody asked for it. Yes, I do want to eat it here. Do you think I would be caught eating this bleep e in public?
6. Why do older men in 5.0 litre Fairlanes feel that they have to accelerate from 85 to 120 when they hit an overtaking lane? Sure, some overtaking lanes might look a bit like a drag strip, but there the resemblance ends. News Flash Granddad! There is no glory in blowing away a 12 year old Landcruiser!
5. How come the car that has been coming up from behind on the freeway for the last 20 minutes always manages to catch up just in time to box you in behind the caravan in front. And always going up a steep
hill!
4. Picture a deserted highway in the early hours of the morning. You think it would be OK to pull over for a leak on the side of the road, right? Wrong! This is exactly when the bus carrying the touring Swedish National Netball Team will come round the corner. Many of you might not know, but these girls constantly tour this country waiting to pounce on such opportunities. Many people will tell you that, if you break down in the outback, you should boil the billy first. Wrong! Take a leak and these girls will be along in a jiffy. Sure, they won’t be able to fix your car. But if you keep a couple of cans of that spray whipped cream and a kiddies wading pool handy, then you can pass the time admirably until someone comes along who can.
3. How come the iPod shuffle will ALWAYS crank up a Wiggles tune right when you pull up next to a car of pretty
young things at the lights? Mark my words guys, there is nothing ‘random’ about the way this thing works; it is a conspiracy. Rumour has it that the software was written by a group of bitter, married, middle aged women. I have now painted “MARRIED WITH CHILDREN” down the side of my truck. Should fix the problem.
2. UHF Channel 40. As a source of information about road conditions, radar traps, etc it is invaluable. But, even after 22 years in the Navy, I learn new words every time I tune in. These guys should really be careful about their language, there might be mechanics listening in.
and the number one thing I hate about traveling:
1. The new RTA flashing signs that very politely ask you if you are yawning.
Well no, at least not until I read your sign, now I can’t fu@$%*g stop! Thanks a lot.
Any I have missed?
Matt.