The times, they are a changing

Submitted: Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 17:29
ThreadID: 65377 Views:2451 Replies:10 FollowUps:9
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Well, it was only a year and a half ago when I got married and travelled the kimberley for 2 months for the honeymoon.

Now it looks like it's all gone pear shaped and it may end! I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that, but more looking at my options should the pin be pulled.

I think if there is no possibility of reconciliation, and it's all too hard for her and we do go our seperate ways, we'll be selling the house and I'm thinking I might do some travelling around Australia.

I'll be taking the dog with me because she's shown she can't act responsibly, but I realise this might be a problem with travelling.

My aim would be to quit work or take an absence of leave and travel, following the harvest trail for work and doing other bits and pieces that I can do afford to do these travels.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation, or are there any people travelling around Australia, with little money, just enjoying what the land has to offer?

Cheers,

Jason.
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Reply By: Geoff (Newcastle, NSW) - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:13

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:13
"Now it looks like it's all gone pear shaped and it may end"

Advice?

Absolutely!

There'd have been a point leading up to the wedding were you'd have said "up yours" I remember mine, every person I know who's divorced remember theirs.

Follow your dream.

BUT, talk, be with what's said. AND I really mean be with it!

You are going to say stuff your partner isn't going to want to hear, your partner is going to say stuff you don't want to hear!

Stuff, work through it, this country has far too many failed marriages!!

Remember there are three sides to every relationship, YES, three sides to every relationship. What you said, what your partner said and what really happened.

Convert them to reallity and you are on your way to communication!

Geoff
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Follow Up By: uneekwahn - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:26

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:26
mate, I've spent the last week trying to talk to her and got no where. I've just temporarily moved back with my folks to give her some space but she's changed and become an ice queen and doesn't seem to care!

oh well, I'll stick it out here as long as I can before my parents drive me batty, go back to her and see what she wants to do.

any advice on the travel if it can't be resolved?

cheers,

Jason
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Reply By: Willem - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:31

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:31
Compromise my friend

Coming up for 40 years this June. Same girl. Got married a month after meeting

Lotsa trial and error.

Lotsa arguments

Lotsa laughs though

Plenty of good times

And she still comes camping with me.....lol


Cheers
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Follow Up By: uneekwahn - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:45

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:45
oh willem, how I wish you had the body of my 25 year old wife ;) we'd be happily married !

I've tried compromise, I've tried. Unfortunatley I think she longs for being independant like before we met, but at the same time wanting the comfort of a relationship.

I'll give her space for a few days and keep my fingers crossed for the best and then start to rebuild from the ground up, making sure we add plenty of communication in the foundations :)
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Follow Up By: Member - DAZA (QLD) - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:32

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:32
Yes what Willem said is right, my Cook and I have been married for
39 years, most times it's a lot of give and take and respect for each
others needs, and trusting and shareing, this might sound soapy, but
I never let a day go by without telling the Cook that I love her,
and I even let her wash the 4x4 lol lol.
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Follow Up By: Michael ( Moss Vale NSW) - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:47

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:47
Daza, Yeah!! I found the same with my Ex Wife, Give and take is the key, I always gave and she always took!! :) Michael
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Follow Up By: Member - Mike DID - Monday, Jan 26, 2009 at 07:35

Monday, Jan 26, 2009 at 07:35
Any human relationship involves compromise - there has to be give and take.

If one partner can only cope with having things their way all the time, it won't work for long.
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Follow Up By: Pete Jackman (SA) - Tuesday, Jan 27, 2009 at 09:41

Tuesday, Jan 27, 2009 at 09:41
Good advice Willem, 26 years married and still enjoying it.

Pete
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Reply By: Member - William H (WA) - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:48

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:48
Hi Jason.

If you cant work it out, "make sure you both leave on good terms"' and then go out and get a good "Toyota" and carravan, set them up and, work your way around australia, and keep your head up, (been their done that) Oh by the way Take your mate, (the dog),Plenty of work in this big wide country of ours, on farms and seasonal work, with camping on the properties, work the seasons so you dont have a winter, and their is a web site for seasonal workers Google it. (And never look back)

Cheers for now.......William h....Bunbury...WA.

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Follow Up By: uneekwahn - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:54

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 18:54
William, I've got a good "Nissan" and a roof top tent, they'll do me fine I reckon ;)

I'll take a look at that website, thanks for the info !

Cheers,

Jason.
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Reply By: Member - Malcolm (Townsville) - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:08

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:08
Jason

I've read the replies. IMHO, some very wise opinions are offered. I've also read YOUR replies and I get the feeling that YOU really don't give a damn if there is a reconciliation or not. You are making plans to move on regardless. Mate, sit down and take hold of yourself. Ask your self "Do I REALLY want this relationship to work?". If you answer is YES, then stop this idea of going off alone and cencentrate on winning your loved one back. On the otherhand, if your answer is NO, then the best advice I can offer is to talk to each other like grown up adults, keep your friendship and move on to whatever YOU want to do.

My wife and I met each other at Olive Downs Station (near Camerons Corner) in 1964. We married in December 1965 and have been through the full gambit of "problems" that beset every marriage, BUT WE ARE STILL TOGETHER!!

It takes two to make an argument.....

Only YOU can make whatever YOU want, happen ......
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Follow Up By: uneekwahn - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:31

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:31
Hi Malcolm, thanks for the reply.

I'm sorry if it does seem like I'm over it, but I've spent the last week pouring my heart out to her only to have her tell me she's numb, doesn't think she loves me anymore and isn't attracted to me anymore.

On top of this, I find she's been flirting on line to some guy on the eastern seaboard.

So, yeah, whilst I'm not over it and I'm not definately making plans to move on regardless, I've spent a week sobbing like a baby, hardly eating, not being able to work properly, so I just wanted to get a bit of advice on travelling around australia as a single bloke working, so I could know what options are available to me should things go wrong!

I'm absolutely, positively, nowhere near ready to end this relationship. I married her because she is the woman of my dreams and I made a promise to her on our wedding day that I would stick with her through thick and thin (but it sounded better in the words that I used!) and I'm certainly not one to go back on my promises (unless you offer me beer or a 6.5ltr chevy conversion for my patrol).

But, I digress. I really am just after information on travelling alone and working around Australia, but thought I needed to give a bit of background :)

I'll end my rant now.

Cheers,

Jason.
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Reply By: Rolly - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:52

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:52
Mate, if you want some advice from a three times married, three times divorced, borne-again bachelor; you've come to the right place.
The advice? Get real, de-emotionalise your take on the situation and view it as would a total stranger.
Most successful marriages are based on sound friendships, pragmatic approaches to the ups and downs of living in close proximity to each other, and one heck of a lot of mutually agreed compromises.
I've seen a lot of them, and they are a joy to behold.
I have also seen a lot of the other type too where the only kind and sensible thing to do would be for the partners to separate on the best of terms possible.
Unfortunately we are, in the main, emotional and irrational creatures with unrealistic and romantic expectations of what "ought to be".
If you cannot discuss matters amicably between yourselves and reach an arrangement acceptable to both of you, then a cooling off trial separation might be appropriate.
If, after a period of separation, either one or both of you feel that you have no longing to return to the relationship, then that, as they say, is it. Kaput.
Traveling is a great way of moving on if that becomes necessary. New places, fresh faces and different activities are a great way of softening the pain of lost love.
But beware of the rebound factor. It's all too easy to fall into a new love affair when the wounds are still exposed and painful. These relationships are usually very ephemeral and often add to the pain and confusion when they, too, break down.
You must take time to find yourself again.
Unless *you* know who you are, how can you expect someone else to understand you.
I sincerely hope that, in any event, it all works out for the best.
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Follow Up By: Michael ( Moss Vale NSW) - Sunday, Jan 25, 2009 at 19:34

Sunday, Jan 25, 2009 at 19:34
Rolly, Thats very good and sound advice!! Michael
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Reply By: Member - Matt & Caz H (QLD) - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:58

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 19:58
Hi Jason,

Really sorry to hear of your situation....... separation is not an easy thing. If its not going to work and you have tried everything then perhaps a trip is a good thing - try and be friends, Matt is my 2nd husband and is totally different to my 1st. As for traveling Oz we are doing it with 2 kids in tow................... Matt and I have been together 10yrs this weekend (married 9) we are doing in on very little $$$$$ with two hungry kids in tow and our relationship has been tested a few times (we have only been on the road three months - the A/C died in Longreach 45 in the shade, the fridge has died, the gas bottles where full of oil, the fridge pooped itself and the toilet has now decided not to flush...........)

As for travels with a dog - not that hard - we have been heaps of places and 95% have allowed the furry friends!!!!! With regards to the harvest trail it can be tricky - we have found that there have been more pickers than fruit - we are currently on the way to Sheparton in VIC we hope to get some work there.

I guess in a nut shell - you have to do what is right for you and your dog.

Take Care
Caz
AnswerID: 345773

Reply By: Kim and Damn Dog - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 20:49

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 20:49
Jason

Bit sad to hear this and you’re lucky you don’t have kids (assumption). The missus and I broke up after 23 of marriage and it knocked me around a bit. Luckily I was transferred to Gundagai, and later on Gippsland.

My advice to you (if it can’t be patched up) is get on the road into a new environment and stay off the grog. Everything will be right after a while (from an old fart).

Regards

Kim
AnswerID: 345780

Reply By: nickb - Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 22:20

Saturday, Jan 24, 2009 at 22:20
No probs taking your dog with you when travelling, the only problem with taking the dog is where to leave him/her while you are working.

Oh yeah, since everyone else is giving relationship advice, 1 week is not enough time to decide on the future of your marriage. In that week(and more) you both will go through 1000 different emotions; anger, hatred, pity, sorrow, anger again and so on. This may just be a phase you're going through so don't may any big decisions for a while, until things cool down and you have an idea of what just happened in your life.

Good luck!
AnswerID: 345792

Reply By: Member - Warfer (VIC) - Sunday, Jan 25, 2009 at 22:39

Sunday, Jan 25, 2009 at 22:39
I wouldn't be married for quids,everyone's knocking off each other left right and centre and bloody selfish too ...


Girlfriends are another option,well they suit me !


Cheers
AnswerID: 345920

Reply By: uneekwahn - Friday, Jan 30, 2009 at 22:02

Friday, Jan 30, 2009 at 22:02
just as an update for those that are interested in my dirty laundry, i came home this afternoon and curiousity got the better of me, so I delved into the deepest darkest corners of her laptop and found the smoking gun.

photos of her, semi nude, that she had taken last night and sent to this bloke she's been chatting with.

after a 2 and a half hour chat with her grandfather, I've come to realise that whilst I may have cause some problems, she has a history of leaving broken hearts behind her that I never knew about and this isn't the first time she's strayed so to speak.

who knows now what the future will bring to me, but I do know this, I'm sure that many of you will see me out there in the not too distant future :)

cheers,

Jason.
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