Sunday Sermon. ( for those who are bored ).

Submitted: Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 10:30
ThreadID: 14554 Views:1730 Replies:8 FollowUps:7
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helo Everbody it is me agane yoar old freand 14 againe and hear is a letter
i hafe had from sombody who -lick maney of us - is verey worried about
somthink lots of us worry about and that is of Corrs blowing off in Chuch
....

In a message to the14thdisciple fartymeldman@yahoo.com wrote: "Dear 14, can
you help me with my flatulence? I'm afraid to visit church in case I rip
off a fart during the sermon. Will I be forgiven for causing an offensive
smell in the pews? Farty Meldman

whell Falty, maney Peaple will tell you that braking wind is an unholey
thing to do but this Is a big Misconseptsian. It is OK becasue the God in
his infidel Wishdom has GIVVEN peaple the ability to noisily break wind and
he doth not mindeth hat all if you fart ! (no i Am NOT ashamed of saying the
word 'fart' becasue it is only a term of reference witch, in itself, does
not smell).

rioutousness Shelt dwell within the intestines of thoase thus blessed, Tarty
and He Shelt glory in our Divine Aromas, but god Is selective in who he
gives this ability to so it is Surely a sin to deny this atribbute if you
find it within yourself.

thear are Maney, maney ways of discribing this Holey Bodiley Action (or HBA)
some of witch are quite amuzing. god Does not Mindeth this and somtimes
chuckles away at the thease names hisself ! why, who would Not find mirth
in 'botty couff', 'flap-splatter' and 'thrape'?

REmemberer, a Fart is like a litle prayer thanking god For your dinner and
the digestive capabilerteas witch make eating it worth while and maney races
Place specsial significants on thoase who pass gas in the Name of god .

but it has Not alwaize been that way. the Frensh for istance have Saint
June of Arc who was ordered to be burnt at the staike for her herracey. in
A dareing atempt at excape and using Her god-given power of fart she caused
the inflammable materials her atackers intended to use to SPONTANIUSLY
COMBUST thereby thwarting there plan to destroy her. Sadley she was kiled
in the proces of saving herselve as the flames traveled unnpredictabuly
back on the path of her anal expulsion causing her bottom to ignite.

since that Day women all Over franse celebrait St. Junes day by drinking
some petrol and standing near men who smoke.

it Is a emotive subjet, bound to create strong fealings whenever it arises,
but moddern christineanity has slowley begun to embraice those who are
aromaticaly blessed and you should Not miss the oportunity to gain
popularity amongst your felow congregationalists. take Every chance you can
to praise the Loard in your own, special way and do Not be afraide to curl
one off half way throu the Littany. demonstrait your apreciashian of Salm
23 by adding anal punctuatian to the 'amens' or show The priest you are
Still awaike by making a loud proclamaishian in the confesional. to Make
sure the Holey Trickentry knows it is YOU thats done it make Sure to shout
out 'Jeasus will you smell THAT !' or 'O God is that a rietious stinker !'
wheneaver you do one.

but I am sorry i Can NOT talk to Hugh no moar as i Have to Puncture some
colostomy bags so as Thoase Who no longer hafe bottom hoales can blow off
too.

loaf Form 14
Little Boxes Nursing Home
"Caring for the wants and needs of the needy and the wanty"
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Reply By: Michael - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 10:45

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 10:45
Jesus Christ!!!! I think your hard drive is in melt down!!!!
AnswerID: 67301

Follow Up By: Michael - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 10:48

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 10:48
If you are not on any medication.,,,, You could certainly do with some!!!

P.S. also your grammer and writing skills need polishing,,, to say the least!!!
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FollowupID: 328014

Reply By: Savvas - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:04

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:04
Were you experimenting with something last night?

LOL
AnswerID: 67303

Reply By: mr diamond - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:12

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:12
mr lone gopher.
can i please have some of what your on.
please lol
AnswerID: 67304

Follow Up By: Michael - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:27

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:27
i'd find out what he is on and stay away from it LOL!!! In the morning he will think its only Sunday!!
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FollowupID: 328015

Follow Up By: mr diamond - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:39

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 11:39
that wouldnt be to bad waking up in the morning thinking its sunday.
that way today would be saturday and i wouldnt drink as much tonight.
then in the morning i would be well lolol
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FollowupID: 328017

Reply By: Allan Mac (VIC) - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 14:37

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 14:37
Thank God Willem is away as that would go down as the CRAPiest load of CRAP ever posted on this sight...Have you hit something down in one of those wholes that has scrambled your brain or is it the constant shuddering of the jackhammer that has created a scambled brain ?? Dont answer this as gord knows what sort of reply it would evoke!!
AnswerID: 67319

Reply By: Mad Dog (Victoria) - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 14:47

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 14:47
What is that crap Wolfie. For Gods sake man get out a bit more often.
AnswerID: 67320

Reply By: GOB & denny vic member - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 15:14

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 15:14
please wolfie go back to your digging we would all appreciate that i know boredom strikes us all at times but you could score brownie points by digging
steve
AnswerID: 67322

Reply By: Big Kidz (Andrew & Jen) - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:30

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:30
Thanks for the advice - at least I wont have to try and do silent ones in church anymore - or wait until the singing is pretty loud to let one rip - my other favourite strategy.

I would love to copy this and send it to Willem offline just in case he misses it.... Has someone already done it??

Andrew
AnswerID: 67367

Follow Up By: Nudenut - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:35

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:35
burning those candles for so long ??
still trying to gain some extra brownie points Andrew?
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FollowupID: 328084

Follow Up By: Big Kidz (Andrew & Jen) - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:42

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:42
Yeh Nudie
Only 355 days to go until the next Birthday - leave the candles burning
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FollowupID: 328087

Follow Up By: Allan Mac (VIC) - Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:55

Sunday, Jul 11, 2004 at 20:55
Struth, Andrew. I wouldn't be game to send that to willem. Reckon he would do a u turn just to get back here to give Wolfe a serve!!!
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FollowupID: 328090

Reply By: Member - Ruth D (QLD) - Monday, Jul 12, 2004 at 08:01

Monday, Jul 12, 2004 at 08:01
Hey Wolfie - I have received 350 views on my Post 14566 or 68 - seems to be the most for yesterday - can I win a sticker please Oh Great Sticker God?
AnswerID: 67404

Follow Up By: Member - Ruth D (QLD) - Monday, Jul 12, 2004 at 15:17

Monday, Jul 12, 2004 at 15:17
Hey Wolfie man - now I'm up to 550 hits - send the sticker!!
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FollowupID: 328155

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