Stella Awards

Submitted: Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 09:58
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Subject: Annual Stella Awards

Once again, it's time to review the winners of the Annual Stella Awards. The litigious Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonalds and the teens that allege that eating at McDonalds has made them fat was filed after the 2003 award voting was closed. This suit will, undoubtedly, top the 2004 awards list.

5th Place (3-Way-Tie)
A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, $780,000 after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms Robertson's son.

5th Place (3-Way-Tie)
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles, California, won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.

5th Place (3-Way-Tie)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food he found in the garage. He sued the house owners insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time, as Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500, after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx tailbone. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to crawl through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor Home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. "OMG!!! " Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and then overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him, by instructing him in the owner's manual, that he actually could NOT do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. FOOTNOTE: The Company ACTUALLY changed their owner's manuals on the basis of this suit... just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
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Reply By: Utemad - Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 10:10

Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 10:10
Only in America.

I wish I was an American.

AnswerID: 67722

Reply By: Truckster (Vic) - Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 12:51

Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 12:51 reveals all..
AnswerID: 67737

Reply By: Member - John (Vic) - Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 14:03

Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 14:03
Funny how this is the same group of Stella awards listed for 2001, 2002, 2003 and now 2004.
I would think that someone would change the list for the sake of the new year or just call them the top 5 of all time.
VKS737 - Mobile 6352 (Selcall 6352)

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AnswerID: 67748

Reply By: Peter O - Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 16:39

Wednesday, Jul 14, 2004 at 16:39
You may have heard this one from the Darwin Awards

Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank
on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in
the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of
the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles
are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other
testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke
a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery,
and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.
But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity,
we have allowed it.
AnswerID: 67759

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