for the females

Submitted: Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:04
ThreadID: 23832 Views:2396 Replies:12 FollowUps:3
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good thing nobody knows me,anyway,our 3 year old grandaughter, whom we have full time was until about 4weeks ago toilet trained,now for the last two weeks has done a complete u turn,does it in her pants all the time ,no 1s and no 2s,we cant figure out what has gone wrong,in 13 days we are heading of for 2 and a half months ,our main destination the cape,we need a bit of help here,we have tried the going crook bit but next minute it on again,tried from scratch again ,but nothing wife and i are in our late 50s but still very active,maybe we have forgotten something,from our earlier child raising experiences,probabley get a bit a flak over this, but its abit of a worry. hope somebody has some clues.paul
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Reply By: Member - Jimbo (VIC) - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:26

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:26
We had the same thing happen with our son when he was young.

My wife still reckons I was mean for doing it, but I put him him in one of his little brother's nappies and kept it on him for a few hours.

He never bleep in his pants again.

Call it humiliation, call me a bastard, but it worked.

Sometimes the hard decisions work. I didn't like doing it, but some of the theories of the modern pseudo psycho analysts simply do not work.

Don't be afraid because you are the grandparents. You are obviously fine people who have taken on the burden of a child out of love. I commend you and admire you. As parents you need to do what is in the best interests of the child.

Good Luck, I'm sure she'll end up well in your care.

Hope this helps,

AnswerID: 115601

Follow Up By: kev.h - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:37

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:37
i agree this softly softly garbage is the same stuff you are finding in the kids pants
my daughter started this after our son was born in sheer frustration one day i hosed out her pants and her backside out in the yard with the ganden hose then put her wet pants back on .She has never done it again .Now as a mother herself has tried the same thing 2 out of 2's not bad if all else fails
FollowupID: 371235

Follow Up By: Member - Jimbo (VIC) - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:51

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:51
Yes Kev,

Sometimes the hard decisions are hard to make. They hurt, but often they work.

"Cruel to be kind".


FollowupID: 371237

Reply By: Nudenut - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:27

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:27
nah, the nly thing you and your wife have forgotten is that kids will do it whenever,wherever, and who careless!

our twoo boys pooped there paints till 8

our girl has not ever....our daughter while being "toilet trained" wouldnt go er do no 2 unless she had a nappy put back on...she could sleep all night without one

Good luck!
AnswerID: 115603

Reply By: porlsprado - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:29

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:29
Hi Paul, got my main expenditure to read this and she suggests you post your question on the "Natural Parenting Forum".

There are heaps of nice people there who might be able to give you good practical solutions cause only parents go there and all they discuss is babies and kids issues. Go easy on your little granddaughter, stuff we've read say it can take kids up to 5 years+ to learn to control their bodily functions, it may just be a stress related thing.
AnswerID: 115605

Reply By: Bob Y. - Qld - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:32

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:32
Well Paul, I'm not female, at least last time I looked. Do have 3 daughters, who are well past this stage.

On reading your post, I feel your grandaughter may have some problems about the trip to the Cape. Whether she feels she'll be left behind, or talk of travelling, croc stories or just the upheavel of leaving her comfort zone, even with Pop & Nan. Don't think some of us adults give kids enough credit for what they pick up from adult conversations.

Don't think going crook at her will help either, just exacerbates the problem. I employ about 6 18 year olds, and the only time it's wise to yell at them, is when they have demonstrated fully, that they have the commonsense of a nit.

Maybe look at finding out if she has any fears or concerns, and go from there. What about a bit of pyschology with wearing nappies again, only babies wear nappies etc, and also a reward scheme. If you and Nan can turn here around, she definitely needs to be rewarded.

Good luck, and enjoy the Cape.

Seen it all, Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.

Lifetime Member
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AnswerID: 115608

Reply By: Steve - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:54

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 21:54 you got the right site..???
AnswerID: 115614

Reply By: Member - Smocky (NSW) - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 23:08

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 23:08
Hi Paul, I agree with Steve. Also, why not post it here. I've NEVER seen a question not get good answers here.

Our daughter did this a bit and it was stress related. Not adult stress obviously, but worried about what was going on around her. Talked to her (4 year old) and did the same "only babies wear nappies and you're a big girl" and problem solved.

We've been pretty lucky, both kids pretty much TT'd themselves. One day I just said to my son, that's it no more nappies, you're passed that and he never wet his pants. Took a lot longer to teach him to wipe his ar$e though !! :-)

Good luck and I reckon the trip's definately got something to do with it.


AnswerID: 115623

Reply By: D-Jack - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 23:37

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 23:37

I've found TJM very helpful with my Jackaroo - maybe give them a try. Whatever you do stay away from OL in Adelaide.

AnswerID: 115626

Reply By: Truckster (Vic) - Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 23:58

Monday, Jun 13, 2005 at 23:58
I think the kids probably sh itting herself about the trip...

usually takes some change/worry for them to change so much..
AnswerID: 115629

Reply By: ev700 - Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 00:30

Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 00:30
Sounds like the little girl was an early learner. It is not unusual for early learners to revert for a while. I don't think anyone is sure why this happens.

Above all, no punitive stuff, frowns or reference to 'smelly' pants.

Instead be calm (yeah I know it is frustrating but don't show it).

Give rewards for the slightest compliance with potty.

Settle on some regular blocks of time where she sits on the potty (or toilet). Read a book or tell story at the time if that helps. But try not to give heavy encouragement, just be matter of fact about it being 'potty time now'. Don't ask if she feels like potty time, just instal the routine.

Be patient, it is worth it. You can have an extra drink last thing in the day for your good work ;-)

Bye the way, I'm a father.

AnswerID: 115630

Follow Up By: ev700 - Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 00:50

Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 00:50
I should have added that 3 yrs is young to be competent and confident on the toilet. Most haven't got it right by then.

As I said, it is most likely a case of erly learner reversion (very common) as outlined above. It too will go away if there is no big fuss, just kindness, help and rewards.
FollowupID: 371251

Reply By: Al & Mrs Al (Vic) - Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 08:41

Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 08:41
Hi Paul,

if you've been talking to her about the trip, perhaps she's a bit nervous about it, my girl was 3 when she was trained, just decided herself she was a big girl and that was it, no looking back. I have to agree kids don't like being in soiled clothes, though I've never actually used the method described by Jimbo, not sure I'd advocate but it worked for him, and I guess that's the main thing, not sure I'd agree with the hose method too, but again it worked for them. I'd go gently for a few days, reinforce about her being a big girl, etc. I used a bribery method with my son [ much for positive parenting], he was eager "jocks" which was the big selling point there, especially the character ones, [I'm talking spiderman etc], and he couldn't wear them til he was trained, took about 3 days once he realised that he'd get the jocks if went to the toilet... ;)

I know you'll want her back to being fully trained by the time you go away, but perhaps some pullup pants as a back up just in case.

cheers and good luck, and remember, if she does go to the toilet, praise her and make her feel so clever - which of course she is :)

AnswerID: 115651

Reply By: KOR - Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 12:17

Tuesday, Jun 14, 2005 at 12:17
You should be taking her to a doctor. They can provide professional advice, particularly on matters of health. The child could even have a urinary infection!
AnswerID: 115684

Reply By: gone bush - Wednesday, Jun 15, 2005 at 19:43

Wednesday, Jun 15, 2005 at 19:43
A friend had the same problem with her grandaughter of about the same age, the girl's parents were at their wits end with how to stop it, so grandma offered to have the girl for a week and using the praising method had her using the loo all the time. What happened was going down to the shops and letting the little one choose some lovely stickers and a sheet of card, they went home and decorated the card with glitter ect. to make it all very special, every time the loo was used a special sticker was stuck on the card and one given to the little one to show it off to mum and dad. It only took about 2 days and now it's 7 years later and still clean and dry. Hope all goes well and you all have a great trip.
AnswerID: 115918

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