A
young newly wed couple wanted to join a church.
The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."
The couple agreed, but after only two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.
When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon ... Is there a problem?" the Reverend inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the
young man replied sadly. The Reverend asked him what happened.
"
Well, the first week was difficult .... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible .... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.
"One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there", admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the Reverend.
"We know." said the
young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Mitre 10 either."
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A game man!!!
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's going to start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You ignorant creep! You waltz in here, flop your fat bum down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realise that I
cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Damn, it's started."