One for the pain in the a#se telemarketers

Submitted: Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 09:29
ThreadID: 31364 Views:2676 Replies:18 FollowUps:14
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Revenge on the Telemarketer
Three Little Words That Work!!
(1) The three little words: "Hold On, Please..." Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the Telstra's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!!!

3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right?

It costs them more than the regular 50 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Westpac.

If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them $1.00

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them.

Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it... Twice!

Let's help keep Australia Post busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- maybe you'll get very little junk mail anymore.

regards ross
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Reply By: GaryInOz (Vic) - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:08

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:08
"...When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right?

It costs them more than the regular 50 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes...."

Do you have any junk lying around (old bicycle frame, nonfunctioning toaster, garden rubble, etc.)??? wrap it up and send it to them with the postpaid letter taped to the outside of the package, with a letter inside that says,

"If you don't want my junk, don't send me your junk. This is my address so you can remove me from your list (but you already knew that, didn't you...). The next parcel will be much heavier."
AnswerID: 158307

Follow Up By: Mad Dog (Australia) - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:16

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:16
Yes, Yes, do it, up to 20 kilograms I think
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Follow Up By: Michael B - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:22

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:22
I've been wondering where to put those little bags I use when walking the dog.....lol

Michael B (SA)
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Follow Up By: Mad Dog (Australia) - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:29

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 10:29
hehe, I'm pleased to read you use those bags. I walk every day for an hour, I see so much dog poop that it makes me wonder if the owners do the same thing.
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Follow Up By: Laura B - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 12:15

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 12:15
nice Garyinoz.....very nice....i love friday frenzy's!!!!

Laura B......
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Follow Up By: Mr Fawlty - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 11:29

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 11:29
I have actually sent a neatlywrapped housebrick back to a firm wanting to give me investment advice. I included a brief note inside saying that here was a brick all they neede was some mortar whick I would include should they or anyone else send me nay more unsolicited mail re " bricks & mortar" investments. I got a nice letter in response telling me I owed them $13.75 in postage as I HAD SENT THEM UNSOLICITED MAIL.... I wrote back & included a copy of the original letter they sent me, along with a remark about how expensive it would be to invest in a property on the Gold Coast & ship it brick by brick via post to Canberra, all in their reply paid envelope. I get a perverse pleasure out of screwing these marketing gurus....
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Follow Up By: Bonz (Vic) - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 13:02

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 13:02
Ray, I am almost certain the owners do the same thing, only just not on the footpath!
.
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FollowupID: 412987

Follow Up By: Mad Dog (Australia) - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 13:14

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 13:14
I don't know about that Geoff. If they allow their dogs to do it on the footpath I wouldn't be surprised if they have their own personal issues.
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Follow Up By: Michael B - Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 20:29

Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 20:29
Hey Mad Dog,

I have no 'personal issues' but when my 70+ kg German Shepherd decides it is time, I am not about to tell him "wait"

Tell me, how would you aproach this situation so that I will know for future reference??? Be only to pleased to get it right.......

Regards
Michael B (SA)
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Follow Up By: Mad Dog (Australia) - Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 20:34

Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 20:34
When out walking doggy carry bag and shovel. After doggy does business scoop up into bag. Is that reasonable ?
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Follow Up By: Michael B - Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 21:28

Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 21:28
'those little bags I use when walking the dog'

Exactly what I said in my original post

Michael B (SA)
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Follow Up By: Mad Dog (Australia) - Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 23:22

Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 23:22
eh! what's the problem Michael, you are doing the right thing and I stated such in my first post when I wrote "I'm pleased to read you use those bags"

It's the people that don't use bags that.........
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Reply By: The Bigfella - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 13:20

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 13:20
If you have the time as well as asking them to hold on, you come back after a minute or so and if they are still there then say " I will just get the right person for you to speak to".
I have my own business and get quiet a lot of these calls. I have kept the idiots on the phone for up to 10 minutes giving them the run around. I've even talked back to them with disguised voices and really lead them on.
I reckon it could become a new sport in Australia "How to give telemarketers there own back".
All jokes aside the practice should be BANNED in Australia. Unfortunately most of these calls come from overseas (India, etc) so the companies that recruit these people should be fined heavily. It is invasion of privacy. I pay to have a telephone to run my business and have my customers ring me - not to have some dickwit waste my time.
Any way have some fun with them if you have the time. Maybe I should write a thesis on how to treat telemarketers.
Cheers
The Bigfella
AnswerID: 158338

Follow Up By: crfan - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 19:20

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 19:20
Hi Bigfella,
I blocked all international calls to my work phone went from getting ,somtimes up to ten calls a day to the odd local charity.
No good if you deal with over seas a lot though.
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Reply By: Jo and Mark - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 17:45

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 17:45
I don't get bothered much now since having a private number, but I use to say to them that it isn't convenient at this time for me to talk, do you mind giving me your home number and I will call you back early in the morning.?

Jo and Rattler
AnswerID: 158376

Reply By: Alloy c/t - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 19:46

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 19:46
Was an email doing the rounds a while back [almost as bad] with a solution to the telemarketers , crux of the principle is to answer ALL their questions with a question of your own ,,,,,, they ask to speak to Jo ? ask their name /asked do u have kids ? ask how many and names of theirs/ asked do u have this /that ,ask back do they ?? ect ect ect , tie up the phone line for as long as possible ,it costs the company they work for money but more importantly it costs the smuck on the other end TIME and no sale = NO INCOME , sooner or later no smuck so no b/s phone calls.
AnswerID: 158391

Reply By: gonebush SA - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 20:40

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 20:40
hi, we get quite a few telemarketers and usually when i hear that indian voice i ask straight away "are you trying to sell me a phone contract". which causes the phone line to go instantly quite, then i hang up. had one phone the other day and when i asked my normal question he quickly shouted " wait please, you don't understand and please tell me why wont any one listen to me" in a sad pathetic voice, i just said because you can't speak english and on one wants your phone deals then hung up. it really did sound so funny.
i really like some of the ideas listed above for the junk mail, now i know what to do with that pile of lime stone rocks in the back yard.
AnswerID: 158396

Reply By: Dekard05 - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 21:43

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 21:43
BRILLIANT!!!

Will do. Payback time!

Dekard
AnswerID: 158407

Reply By: Baler - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 22:09

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 22:09
One important thing to do (hard at office) is never answer the phone straight away. As they call maybe 20 people at once if you let the phone ring someone else will answer before you and the phone will stop ringing. The more you do this the less calls you will get. Worked for us anyway.

All the best
AnswerID: 158414

Reply By: Member - Davoe (Widgiemooltha) - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 22:59

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 22:59
I heard a different story with the no one there is that they simultaneusly dial 5 numbers and talk to whoever answers first. Then there is the absalute classic where you answer and they ask you to hold the line!!!
AnswerID: 158430

Follow Up By: Mad Dog (Australia) - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 13:18

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 13:18
Couldn't beleive it the first time it happened to me..hold the line
hahaha yeah sure
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FollowupID: 412993

Reply By: jackablue - Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 23:20

Friday, Mar 03, 2006 at 23:20
When I answer the phone & they ask is that mr xxxxx I know it's no one of my mates I then say he is overseas for 3 months & I am just looking after the house/ just poped in to feed the cat. They just say goodbye & hang up.
AnswerID: 158437

Follow Up By: Member - Davoe (Widgiemooltha) - Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 23:39

Sunday, Mar 05, 2006 at 23:39
when they ask for mr Evans I tell em my dad doesnt live here - Well i used to but it doesnt put them off and they just ask for the house owner now as soon as i hear that papadum accent i just hang straight up - no conversation. I accidently hung up on my housematesd Swedish daughter coz of the accent and the time she called
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FollowupID: 413328

Reply By: Mr Fawlty - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 11:47

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 11:47
All brilliant responses, it makes me proud to be an OLDER AUSTRALIAN. I must tell you that I did have a win on one occasion. Back a while when Demtel & Tim Shaw was selling everything from used condoms to condominiums I got phoned and was offered an alluminium folding ladder. Ok yes I could do with one of those I think....I had to phone them on their toll free number and they would phone me back. At the time I was running a small PABX and had no problem arranging a fake number allocated to my phone. Naturally after a while the ladder is delivered along with the invoice. I didn't bother to pay, and of course they got nasty & I said "what ladder?" I think you have the wrong number, what number are you calling me on? What number is on the invoice? I think you have made a mistake. The coup de grace was when I asked them to show me my signature on the paperwork....
By the way the ladder was sold at a "bargain" price of only $199 = $50 P&H, but was in reality worth about $1.75 as scrap because that was all it was good for.
AnswerID: 158523

Reply By: Member - Roachie (SA) - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 14:20

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 14:20
The other option is, once you realise that it's one of these whackers calling, is to say that your name is Detective Sargent Smedley from Homicide. Say you are at this house investigating the recent murder of the householder (ie yourself!!!!) and that you want this caller to provide you with their name and address and phone number.....tell them they MUST not hang up, for that will just about PROVE that they are a suspect in the murder!!!!! etc etc hahahahaha
AnswerID: 158547

Reply By: techie - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 16:38

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 16:38
I have an answering machine which answers ALL incoming calls.
I monitor the calls and pick up if a friend.
Telemarketers automatically hang up as I am "not at home".
Works every time.

The best I did was a real estate constantly asking me if I wanted to sell my investment properties. (I NEVER sell)
I eMailed, phoned and faxed to no avail, the junk mail kept coming.
I scrawled across one 4 page junk mail "Do not ever contact me again" and "I receive any more and I will do this every week for 6 months".
I faxed this back to them at 6pm for 97 pages- cost me 18c.
That was 2yrs ago - never received anything again - guess they got the message.
Techie.
AnswerID: 158570

Reply By: Jo and Mark - Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 19:22

Saturday, Mar 04, 2006 at 19:22
What our genius brains will think of!

Hello city morgue, you kill 'em we grill 'em....

always remembered my dad saying that when I was a kid..the sad thing is it is 20 years on.. and he still says it!

Jo and Rattler
AnswerID: 158605

Reply By: ChrisB - Monday, Mar 06, 2006 at 13:42

Monday, Mar 06, 2006 at 13:42
When the caller is a woman, I always say that I will answer their question if they tell me what they are wearing first. They usually hang up on me pretty quickly.

AnswerID: 158878

Reply By: agsmky - Monday, Mar 06, 2006 at 16:11

Monday, Mar 06, 2006 at 16:11
I make it my goal in life to pi$$ off telemarketers! The best defense is attack.....remembering that most will be following a script/pattern, upset that and they are usually history!

One of the first things they ask is "Good morning/evening, how are you?" Make sure you start off by saying your mother/father/wife/son has just died and you are going to their funeral shortly....... most will not have the nerve to sell you some crappy phone plan etc now.

Other tactics include, as mentioned, to ask them questions. When they ask you "how are you", ask them. When they say they are from xzy company, ask them their name, then go on to get them to repeat the companys name (including spelling it), ask where they are based, then ask where THEY are based (not the company, the operator), ask them what the weather is like there..........don't stop asking questions, remember you are in charge of the conversation, not them!

Oh, how i love telemarketers. Please ring me!!

Andrew
AnswerID: 158900

Reply By: Member -Dodger - Monday, Mar 06, 2006 at 17:22

Monday, Mar 06, 2006 at 17:22
Guys,
I am now fully enlightened and will give these buggers hell.
got an old engine block to get rid of hmmmmmm.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Cheers Dodg.

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AnswerID: 158919

Reply By: GaryInOz (Vic) - Wednesday, Mar 08, 2006 at 09:10

Wednesday, Mar 08, 2006 at 09:10
http://coldcallcomedy.com/

The best revenge of all..............
AnswerID: 159276

Reply By: revhead307 - Wednesday, Mar 08, 2006 at 12:01

Wednesday, Mar 08, 2006 at 12:01
I tried the creative approach.

After a drawn out episode trying to get a replacement for a lost card I was sent a customer feedback form in a reply paid envelope. (we live in remote location, no bank branch for 220kms and cant get in during the week.) took 2 months of them sending me the wrong forms to get a card.

So i devised a poem for their feedback:

Roses are red
Voilets are yuck
Im changing banks
cos (insert bank name here) is F*&#$D

Rev

AnswerID: 159301

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