Fridee funee

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old Aborigine. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the Word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was "TIMBUKTU".

First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

"Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels two by two,
destination - Timbuktu."

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old abbo top that they thought.

The old Aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two.
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

The old Aboriginal won.






A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep

is it Coincedence... I think not?.. Mans best friend, a Dog, cant talk!
tis a pity women can :(

Friendship Among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. Not one of them knew anything about it.

Friendship Among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Pickup lines.

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
My Love for you is like diarrohea ... I can't hold it in.
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

.................... the best for last!

Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up!

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says. " Doctor, I have this problem with gas,
but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and they're always silent".

"As a matter of fact I've farted 20 times since I've been in your office".

"You didn't know I was farting because they are silent and don't smell."

The doctor says. " I see, here's a prescription. Take these three times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor" she says, "I don't know what you gave me but, now my farts.. although still silent.. stink terribly."

The doctor says, " Good!. Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."

Little TIMMY and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.

TIMMY bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I'm asking for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well TYMMY, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, TIMMY replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr.Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."

Again, TIMMY instantly replies, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us
just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that TIMMY has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that TIMMY won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well TIMMY, it seems like you have got everything all figured out".

"I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

TIMMY just shrugs his shoulders and says "That's okay, I'll just keep shagging her up the @rse for now..."

Teachers pet Katie & little Johnny from the back of the class are asked by their teacher to come to school after the weekend with a new word & put the new word into a sentence for the rest of the class...........

Monday morning teacher ask's Katie her new word & for a sentence containing the new word........ Miss my word is "outstanding" & I feel your contribution to our education is nothing less than "outstanding".....

Now teacher reluctently ask's Johnny his word......Miss my word is "urinate" & My dad reckon's "urinate" but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten.......