ynnuf yadirf

Thats good Bruce

They say the two most happiest day's in life are,the day you buy a boat & the day you sell it.Joe & John are identical twins.
Joe owned a delapitated old boat & kept pretty much to himself.One day he rented out his boat to a group of outer-stater's who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as possible & was out of touch all that day &most of the evening.Unbeknownst to him,his brother John's wife had died suddenly.When he got back onto shore he whent into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.A kind old neighbor woman mistook for John & said,"I am sorry for you're loss.You must feel terrible."
Joe thinking she was talking about his boat said,"Hell no!fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.She was a rotten old thing from the beginning.Her bottom was all shriveled up & smelt like old dead fish.She was alway's holding water.She had a bad crack in the back & a pretty big hole in the front too.Every time i used her,her hole got bigger & she leaked like you would not beleive.I gues what finally finished her off was when i rented to those four guy's looking for a good time.I warned them that she wasn't real good & stunk pretty bad but they wanted her anyway.
The darned fool's tried to get in her all at the same time & she split right up the middle!"
Then the old woman fainted.

' What's My Age.'
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.She spends $15000 & feels pretty good about the results.On her way home,she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.Before leaving,she says to the clerk,"I hope you don't mind me asking ,but how old do you think i am?"
"About 32." is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50,"the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's & ask's the counter girl the same question.
The girl replies,"i'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile:) "nope, i'm 50."
Now she is feeling really good about herself.She stops in to a drug store.She goes up to the counter to get some mints & asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds "Oh i'd say about 30."
Again she responds."I'm 50,but thankyou."
While waiting for the bus to go home,she asks an old man waiting next to herthe same question.
He replies,"Lady I'm 78yr's & my eyesight is going.Although,when i was young,there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.It sounds pretty forward,but it requires me to put my hands under you're bra.
Then, & only then can i tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until the curiosity gets the better of her.She finally blurts out, "O what the hell go ahead."
He slips both his hands under her bra & begins to feel around very slowly & carefully.He bounces & weighs each breast & he gently pinches each nipple.He pushes her breasts together & rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this,she says".Okay, okay how old am i?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts,removes his hands,& says," Madam you,are 50."
Stunned & amazed, the woman says,"That was incredible,how could you tell?"
The old man said "promise you won't get mad."
"Ipromise i won't." she says.
"I was behind you in McDonald's."

A Little Explaining To Do

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a "prosthetic plaything" (edit for kids...). She gets completely upset.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the "plaything" ... if you can explain our three kids."

Truckster,

I don't appeciate the publication of my life being posted on this site. You owe me an apology.

Regards

Kim

Here’s one about three married couples and a can of paint, hope u guys
enjoy.....

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and young newly
wed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special
requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for
two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain
from s e x for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to
abstain from s e x for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,
"Well, were you able to abstain from s e x for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without s e x for the two weeks," the young man
replied sadly.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she
bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of
her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"We know," said the young man,
"We're not welcome at Bunnings anymore either."