Monday, Dec 18, 2006 at 00:31
The English Team for the
Perth Test,,,,,,
"Freddie Flintoff" - lovely lad, has a reputation that's not seen much over here.
Seems to have trouble setting field that's not two overs behind the game.
Has problems setting a field to English strike bowlers - everybody does
don't they? Been set up as the fall guy for losing The Ashes as Michael
Vaughan is a gentleman,Freddie is just a nice lad (read "mug") from
Lancashire.
Strauss - "Seth Effrican" - always dodgy. Flails the bat around off stump a
lot. Never really intends to hit the ball, just frighten it a bit. Umpires
hate him,,,,,,,,even "Seth Effrikaan" umpires it seems. Maybe he has no
friends at all? Loves the new ball so much he leaves 'em that way - new!
Cook - after todays effort (Sunday over here) I like the lad. He's shown
that he has the stamina to do it, but has he got the strokes. Time will
tell.
Bell - Ding, Dong, what can I say? Warney has him completely baffled. Looks
like he has brain damage when facing leg spinners. Can't believe a cricket
ball can actually move THAT FAR!
Collingwood - they named a Royal Navy battleship, "Collingwood". It could
have been named after this guy. A gritty, determined batsmen that is not
overly endowed with striking talent but he's a tryer. Would bat at number 10
if he were in the Australian line up he impresses me that much.
Pietersen - well here he is eh!! The Wunderkinden, the Great White Hope, The
Ubertonkenmeister - another "Seth Effricaan". My opinion Ian? CRAP. And I'm
not taking the piss either. This guy is that far up himself his digestive
system is a loop. KP is only interested in KP. The future of English Cricket
means nothing to KP. He hasn't got a clue how to measure a game for 5 days.
He's McDonalds, he's popcorn, he's instant gratification for people that
don't realllyyy understand cricket, But he can hit a ball hard and that's
what gets bums on seats these days. When he hooks he looks like he's about
to dislocate both arms or he's having a fit of some kind. We haven't seen
him do two consecutive cover drives or two drives of any kind within two
overs. Let the side down badly when he attempted to shepherd the tail
enders in the 1st innings. Looked all at sea when asked to think. A
"chancer" with a good set of eyes is the best I can say.
"Freddie" - hasn't been a hit with the bat or ball - see above as a Captain.
Shame really as I like him as a bloke. He would make a good Australian.
Jones - Wicket keeper? I think he is anyway. Batsman? Dunno. Haven't seen
him bat yet! He's on the pitch all padded up one minute and gone the next?
Apparently there's DNA tests being done over here - Duncan Fletcher and
Geraint Jones - to see if they are in fact blood related. If these tests
come back positive then Duncan Fletcher is to be arrested for incest.
Personally I wouldn't bother with the DNA test - the results aren't in
doubt.
Giles - is not an ECB salaried player. Came to "Oz" on a freelance contract,
so I've read. Closely related to Duncan Fletcher who arranged for Ashley to
visit relatives over here as long as Ashley promised to roll his arm over
for the lads. Ashley fulfilled his end of the bargain, We saw it with our
own eyes, on TV, live.
Hoggard - now this lad I really like. An honest to God workhorse that can
actually bowl. Love the guy. Has been offered an Australian Passport, his
own Australian goldmine, a cattle station, his choice of women on Cottesloe
beach, free beer for life, university
places for his kids and a dishwasher
for his missus. Hoggy - yer fantastic!
Harmison - Came to "Oz" as England's strike bowler. Since being in "Oz, has
seen an optician and these rumours have since been dispelled. He's legally
blind and now runs in with a guide dog. Geraint Jones then shouts "Here!!"
just as Harmy passes the wicket and he lets the ball go where he thinks
Jonesy's voice is coming from. Should go far- as long as he doesn't lose the
dog when he lets the lead go. Freddie Flintoff has had trouble setting a
field for the dog.
Mahmooud - unknown quantity. Rumoured to
cook a good vindaloo. Cooks for the
Barmy Harmy every night as it's costing 'em a fortune phoning Bristol for
takeaway.
Finally, the little boy that nobody loved, the lad caught in the storm -
Monty!! Lets hear a good Australian ROAR for Monty. He can bowl, he can bat,
he can field ( a bit). We Aussies will take him any day. He's a cricket
enthusiast, he's keen, he wants to be on the field, he wants to be on the
team, he wants to take wickets Ashley Giles is taking lessons from him. We
love him. It's just a pity that Duncan Fletcher doesn't. Top stuff Monty.
Bilbo
AnswerID:
210893
Follow Up By: Bilbo - Monday, Dec 18, 2006 at 00:39
Monday, Dec 18, 2006 at 00:39
I wrote the above for a good English mate of mine in the UK. Known him fer 30 odd years.
Might be the end of a beautiful friendshio eh!
Hope you like it.
Bilbo
FollowupID:
470956
Follow Up By: 4wdNewbie - Monday, Dec 18, 2006 at 13:14
Monday, Dec 18, 2006 at 13:14
Haha great little read. Specially if it was to get up ya mate. I rate Pieterson as a cricketer. He has settled down a long way since entering the scene (his hair now has less colours than the
rainbow), and probably still has a way to go, but he has talent. So does flintoff. For mine he was like Gilly before that hundred he made... having an absolutely shocking run, but the feeling is that its only a matter of time before he scores runs with the bat and you expect him too everytime he comes to the crease, bad form or no bad form. And I rate Strauss and
Cook... but i always have a softspot for openers being one myself :P
FollowupID:
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Follow Up By: Mad Dog - Vic - Thursday, Dec 21, 2006 at 20:42
Thursday, Dec 21, 2006 at 20:42
HAHAHA, great reading Bilbo, best thing I've read here all year.
Thanks mucho
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