Now there’s been some talk about the appointment of a new Governor General, and the Govt seems to want to employ a non-politician without a VC.
To this end, I hereby submit my qualifications for the job.
Ta Rah !
Footy for GG!!
Extinguished appearance
Non-illegal drugs history (I never inhaled, honest )
Honest person (unless you're the tax man or ...or...or...)
Non - drinker (
well maybe one a year)
Kind to little old ladies (especially if they're rich)
No
police record (no puters in my day)
No scandals lurking (what woman? I did NOT have coffee with that woman)
Widely traveled (some parts of me wider than others)
Well edumacated (far too
well, what a know it all!)
Vast store of wide experiences (and skinny ones too)
So straight I’m boring. (ain’t that the truth!)
Can sack Govts without blinking.... easily
Impervious to bribes (and who would want to bribe a GG anyway?)
Long history of public service (worked for them for years)
Convenient memory (that has to be a plus around pollies)
Can even cut the lawns at Govt house....cost cutting par excellence.
Can be dressed in a bag of fruit and still look like a sack of potatoes (Irish background somewhere in there)
Will refuse to wear a hankie in his top pocket (more cost cutting)
Will never attend the
Melbourne Cup (now that will save money). I mean who wants to go to
Melbourne anyway?
Can sit around drinking Coca Cola with dignitaries all day and night (if they don’t leave I can throw em out). Another cost cutting exercise)
Has a desire to spend innumerable hours drinking and snoozing at public functions where there’s a freebie.
Can say sorry all the time (I already do!)
Can provide advice to the Govt fleet of 4wds...as long as they don't use Nissans.
Would travel to
places where they haven’t seen a pollie...never mind a GG.
I'd even consider providing my own bulletproof vest...if the salary was right. (VERY right)
No Fedpol protection necessary...I have my own dogs who would lick intruders to death.
Has the time and vigor (yawn, is it snooze time yet?) to fill this crucial post for the foreseeable future.
Comes from the same state as the PM.
Believes in jobs for the boys.
Wife doesn’t run any multinational companies.
No conflict of interest. (What interest?)
Even though a non-drinker, will support the Free Beer Party. (Now that should be worth a vote or two:)