*** Phriday Phunnies ***

Submitted: Friday, May 08, 2009 at 05:46
ThreadID: 68626 Views:3882 Replies:12 FollowUps:14
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They said pigs will fly if America ever gets a black president.
Well, Obama became president. What happened next?

Swine flu.

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Reply By: jdwynn (Adelaide) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 05:56

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 05:56
It's been a while since we've done this forumites - give us a caption, for this rather large motor!!

Image Could Not Be Found


AnswerID: 363795

Follow Up By: Willem - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:29

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:29
The new ZD 30



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Follow Up By: Sir Kev & Darkie - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:33

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:33
The motor Missan made out of all the melted down ZD30 Lemons
Russell Coight:
He was presented with a difficult decision: push on into the stretching deserts, or return home to his wife.

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Follow Up By: jdwynn (Adelaide) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:35

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:35
I knew ZD30's would feature - here's mine:

from little ZD30, "just watch me explode now!!"
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Follow Up By: Member - KC (TAS) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:41

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:41
WAIT till tomorrow, I'll give you NISSANS, Beat me off the bl88dy lights.......
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Follow Up By: techo2oz - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:53

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:53
If you think this is big, just wait till you see the size of the hyclone..
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Follow Up By: techo2oz - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:58

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:58
Yeh, the new donk returns pretty good fuel economy... Averages out to 14 litres a kilometer.
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Follow Up By: Member - John M (NSW) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 07:04

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 07:04
This is the axuliary engine for my new boat, the Main Engine is expected to be delivered next week.
Invitations are being printed to all for the launching party.

Regards
John
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!

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Follow Up By: Boobook2 - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 07:37

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 07:37
Geez that truck and building are pretty small aren't they.
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Follow Up By: Gramps - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 07:44

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 07:44
Roachies new motor LOL

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Follow Up By: Member - Mark G Gulmarrad - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 08:27

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 08:27
..........Sir Kev's answer to keep up with my navara at st george!!!!
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Follow Up By: Member - Josh (VIC) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 09:01

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 09:01
Told you I had the engine in the cruiser rebuilt. No wonder it took 3 weeks to fit it though

Josh
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Follow Up By: Member - Porl - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 10:25

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 10:25
Project Toni takes the next logical step. Engineer not happy.
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Follow Up By: Welldone WA - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 23:49

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 23:49
Stihl unveil the new motor for their latest chainsaw "The Loginator"
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Follow Up By: Bonz (Vic) - Thoughtfully- Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 14:10

Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 14:10
Uhhh - I don't think so Tim.
.
Time is an illusion produced by the passage of history
.

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Reply By: tonbon - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:52

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:52
Hey! Guys! Just took delivery of my knew engine :-) But had to take a second mortgage to fill it with oil :-(
AnswerID: 363798

Reply By: Member - Fred G NSW - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:53

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 06:53
This post has been read by the moderation team and has been moderated due to a breach of The Inappropriate Rule .

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Reply By: Kumunara (NT) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 09:01

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 09:01
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be f**ked if he needed glasses".
Life's great and it just keeps getting better

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Reply By: Serendipity of Mandurah (WA) - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 10:21

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 10:21
Computer Support ... the joys of it all.......

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

When we do something as a favour in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticise us.

That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.

When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's
electronics in it.

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home,call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".

When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.

Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.

Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the
mail/NT/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.

Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that
computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party





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Reply By: The Explorer - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 11:07

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 11:07
THE LION TAMER

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up to apply for the position. One is a very nice looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.

Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.
He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get the damn lion out of the way."


I sent one final shout after him to stick to the track, to which he replied “All right,” That was the last ever seen of Gibson - E Giles 23 April 1874

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Reply By: ExplorOz - David & Michelle - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 12:17

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 12:17
STUDY WORTH SHARING WITH FRIENDS BOTH MALE AND FEMALE:

A study conducted by Tulane's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth with a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.
David (DM) & Michelle (MM)
---------------------------------
Always working not enough travelling!

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Reply By: ExplorOz - David & Michelle - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 12:21

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 12:21
and this week's one from David's mother!
--------------------------------------------
Rudd , Gillard and Swan are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in Canberra when Rudd turns to Gillard and says, chuckling,

'You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy .'

Gillard shrugs and replies, 'Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy.'

Not to be outdone, Swan says, 'Well I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy.'

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, 'Such arrogant jerks back there. Heck, I could throw all three of them out the window and make 21 million people happy.
David (DM) & Michelle (MM)
---------------------------------
Always working not enough travelling!

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Reply By: tim_c - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 13:15

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 13:15
The other day I was in the local Super Cheap. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap.

All the staff behind the counter looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?"

She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it on?" they asked thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said its a green Toyota.

"OK Ma'm, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 7cm in diameter.

What does it do?," the staff asked. She said, "I don't know, but its always been there."

One of the staff gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it.

So she makes a circle about 7cm in diameter and in the centre she writes "710".

The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics.


(for those who didn't get it, the directions... draw a circle, write 710 in the middle of it, and turn it around)
AnswerID: 363838

Reply By: Welldone WA - Friday, May 08, 2009 at 23:31

Friday, May 08, 2009 at 23:31
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has ever gone
before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of them all...

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?"

AnswerID: 363946

Reply By: bbuzz - Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 19:10

Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 19:10
A story about mateship
Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been rooting around so rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.

Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where the hell he'd been. Bruce says he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive and crash out there. Sheila thinks he's been rooting around so rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.

An Ukrainian migrant to Australia wanted to become a cabbie so he had to go for an eye test for his drivers licence. He was shown a card with the text CWNSCZYZQOCTAZS. He looked at it with wide open eyes, looking very surprised. The examiner said impatiently; well? And the Ukrainer answered; I know that bloke...
Aussie sheila - Anglea Sceats was over in Pommieland to do some studying when she was running a bit late to catch a plane. So she sent a text message to her friend that read; "Call the police and say there is a bomb on board". Her friend, also an Aussie, did just that, with the result that the cops stopped three planes from departing and nearly shut the whole airport down. She managed to convince the judge to let her off the hook but had to pay her own legal costs, estimated to be over thirty grand!

On 5 January 2008 a crowd of 4500 people paid $90.- each to get in to a show at the Australia Zoo where controversial American psychic John Edward was supposed to make contact with the deceased Steve Irwin. You guessed it, nothing happened....
The American cartoon show South Park has devoted a whole show to John Edward in which he wins the award of Biggest Douche In The Universe, beating several douche contestants from other galaxies.


Aussie bloke Patrick Carroll was at Darwin airport when he got a bit thirsty, so he left his luggage on a trolley to go and buy a beer. When he returned from the bar a security man was inspecting his luggage and Patrick called out to him; "Don't worry, I left the bomb in Iraq, mate!" He ended up in court, managed to be released on bail and had to come back to Darwin court later that year to hear the end of it.

A coupla blokes in the South Australia outback were entertaining themselves with the politically incorrect game of tying sticks of dynamite to rabbits which would then run in to their burrows to hide and boof! huge clouds of dust would fly out of the holes in the ground. This went on for a little while until karma caught up with the blokes and the next rabbit did not go down its hole but hid under their brandnew Landcruiser !!

An Ukrainian migrant to Australia wanted to become a cabbie so he had to go for an eye test for his drivers licence. He was shown a card with the text CWNSCZYZQOCTAZS. He looked at it with wide open eyes, looking very surprised. The examiner said impatiently; well? And the Ukrainer answered; I know that bloke...
AnswerID: 364046

Reply By: gopher - Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 21:49

Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 21:49
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says,
‘If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'F**k him'.
Living like a millionaire on the pension

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