Frydie Funies

Submitted: Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 06:40
ThreadID: 98731 Views:3749 Replies:8 FollowUps:5
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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
('el computador'), because:
. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and


4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

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Reply By: you eat the bear - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 12:27

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 12:27
The next time you feel that nobody loves you, no one cares, or that no one ever notices you, think AGAIN:

Things Got You Down? Well Then, Consider These . .READ ON!!


In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.


No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits Just when the clock struck 11:00, Fernando Rodriguez , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.




Still Having a Bad Day?



The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00 At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.




Still think you are having a Bad Day?



A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod



Are You OK Now? - No?


Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.



What? STILL having a Bad Day?


Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.


There, Now You're Feeling Better?
AnswerID: 497435

Reply By: Bravo Man - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 14:11

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 14:11
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and
he smiles.

'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know bleep ?
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Reply By: Member - Scott M (NSW) - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 14:16

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 14:16
A Californian and an Arizonian were Elk hunting in the Hualapai Mountains when an illegal alien runs across a clearing.

The Arizonian takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.

"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.

"No, no... Remember this is a Red State , it's legal here in Arizona " replies the Arizonian.

Later that night the Californian goes to Kingman to buy some beer from Wal-Mart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.

The Californian thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.

As he is retrieving his beer the police come and arrest him.

"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Arizona !" protests the Californian.

"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
AnswerID: 497439

Reply By: Member - Scott M (NSW) - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 14:19

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 14:19
A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher in MA, but just before the school year started, he injured his back.

He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.

There was dead silence.
He had no trouble with discipline that year.
AnswerID: 497440

Follow Up By: Bonz (Vic) - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 16:50

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 16:50
what a classic, I like it!
.
Time is an illusion produced by the passage of history
.

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Follow Up By: Member - MUZBRY(Vic) - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 21:57

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 21:57
Can't you do that Bonz?

Muzbry
Great place to be Mt Blue Rag 27/12/2012

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Follow Up By: Bonz (Vic) - Sunday, Oct 28, 2012 at 07:28

Sunday, Oct 28, 2012 at 07:28
Not without grimacing Muz
.
Time is an illusion produced by the passage of history
.

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Follow Up By: Member - MUZBRY(Vic) - Sunday, Oct 28, 2012 at 07:48

Sunday, Oct 28, 2012 at 07:48
Gee Bonz, only two weeks to go, and have you made that loverly lady of yours a coffee this morning?

Muzbry
Great place to be Mt Blue Rag 27/12/2012

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Follow Up By: Bonz (Vic) - Sunday, Oct 28, 2012 at 07:50

Sunday, Oct 28, 2012 at 07:50
Still in bed mate
.
Time is an illusion produced by the passage of history
.

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Reply By: Bonz (Vic) - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 16:52

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 16:52
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news" the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings". "That's wonderful" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor".
.
Time is an illusion produced by the passage of history
.

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Reply By: Life Member - esarby (NSW) - Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 17:25

Friday, Oct 26, 2012 at 17:25
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...

when behind him he hears:

Bump...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...

FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...

through his door, wlocks the door behind him.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and
However, the casket crashes `with the lid of the casket clapping


clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
















The coffin stops.....




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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Saturday, Oct 27, 2012 at 12:37

Saturday, Oct 27, 2012 at 12:37
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the
place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to
break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone
would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese
man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts
at the top of his voice...
"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences
in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to
play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult
Jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes
the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up

again and shouts...
"No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".
A bit nonplussed by this, Stevie, being the professional
that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation
with his band around the B flat minor chord and really
tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this
impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz
chord, play a Jazz chord".
Well and truly brassed off that this little guy doesn't
seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to
him from the stage "OK smart ass, you get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold
of the mike, and starts to sing.....
(wait for it...)

"A jazz chord to say I ruv you................."

bill



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AnswerID: 497494

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Saturday, Oct 27, 2012 at 12:41

Saturday, Oct 27, 2012 at 12:41
My Inconclusive Travel Plans for 2013

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.

Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito.

I hear no one recognizes you there anyway.

I have, however, been in Sane.

They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there.

I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends and family.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt.

That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense!

It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!

At my age I need all the stimulation I can get !

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in.

It's an age thing.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.

You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another. I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!


bill



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AnswerID: 497495

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