Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 08:36
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Some highbrow intellectual jokes....

My favourite though is

2 Jumperleads walk into a bar....the bartender eyes them suspiciously and reluctantly says... "I'll serve you but dont start anything!!"

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: "No, I'm travelling light."

2. "Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?"

3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: "Hello, I'd like a beer." The barman replies: "Hello, you'd like a beer?" "Yes," replies the TCP packet, "I'd like a beer."

5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: "Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?" The electron goes: "Oh great, now I'm lost."

6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: "Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!"

7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don't.

9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.

10. The barman says: "We don't serve faster-than-light particles here." A tachyon enters a bar.

11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: "Make me one with everything".

12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can't see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: "Can you see me now?" The four men answer: "Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja."

14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.

16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?" Gödel replies: "We can't know that because we're inside the joke." Chomsky says: "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."

19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: "Five beers, please."

20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: "What'll it be, boys?" The first mathematician: "I'll have one half of a beer." The second mathematician: "I'll have one quarter of a beer." The third mathematician: "I'll have one eight of a beer." The fourth mathematician: "I'll have one sixteenth of a…" The bartender interrupts: "Know your limits, boys" as he pours out a single beer.

22. What does the "B" in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies: "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: "Euripides?" The professor replies: "Yes. Eumenides?"

25. A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Kerry W (Qld)
Security is mostly a superstition. It doesnt exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 09:15

Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 09:15
Kerry, you haven't been on the Forum for a while heh?

Clever jokes but......

Bill B

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Reply By: Member - Warrie (NSW) - Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 09:56

Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 09:56
Yes, 26 for the nerds among us. School boy howlers but a Physics lesson or two there amongst the incomprehensibility LOL...... W

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Reply By: Member BarryG - Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 10:07

Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 10:07
Thanks Kerry,

As an ex-programmer, I particularly love No. 25. Still chuckling!

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Reply By: Nomadic Navara - Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 10:42

Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 10:42
Is this the thin edge of the wedge making an attempt to get around this instruction?

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Reply By: Glenn C5 - Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 10:44

Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 10:44
HOORAY The Funnies are back .
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Reply By: ModSquad - Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 11:30

Friday, Oct 09, 2020 at 11:30
Sorry folks, but as notified in this post Friday Funnies are no longer allowed.

There is nothing harmful in this one, so it remains visible but locked.


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