Phryday Phunny, anyone? May be an olde....

Naughty boy, JR.

'A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha - printed this one for Doyley. Hahahahaha.

at least he was being safe :))

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar.
.
"Ah, Pierre," asks one, " 'ow 'av you been doing?"

"Merde!" answers Pierre. "I 'av 'ad a mos' terrible day. Terrible! At seex
zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed
and on to ze parade ground."

"And zen what 'appened?" inquires his mate.

"I weel tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis silly leetle
platform five feet off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!".

"And did you jump?" asks his mate.

"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jump five
feet. It is beneass my dignity."

"And zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.

"Zen 'e made me climb up zis silly leetle platform ten feet off ze ground,
and 'e said "Jump!".

"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.

"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. It is beneass my
dignity to jump ten feet."

"What 'appened zen?" asks his mate.

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform a 'undred feet above ze
parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous willy, and 'e
said: "If you do not jurmp, I am going to stick zis right urp your burm."

"Ooooh!" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"

"A leetle, at ze beginning."

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won Crosslotto!"

Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!" 8)

A bachelor, Ed, tried to take a vacation every year. He was a golf nut and spent two weeks at Hyatt Regency Golf Course on the Sunshine Coast. Last month he met a woman there and fell head over heels in love with her.

On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner in Noosa and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.

They agreed that total honesty was important so there would be "no surprises" later that would destroy their love.

"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now."

"Well, if we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker."

"I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment.

Then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off."

Just a few jokes I found recently ;-)

Regards
Peter

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps,
>> >> were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a
>> >> Young blonde Swiss girl with nice breasts.
>> >>
>> >> The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there
>> >> is the sound of a loud slap.
>> >>
>> >> When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red
>> >> Hand print on his cheek.No one speaks.
>> >>
>> >> The old lady thinks: The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in
>> >> The dark, and she slapped his cheek.
>> >>
>> >> The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That Kiwi guy must have tried to
>> >> Grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she
>> >> slapped
>> >> his cheek.
>> >>
>> >> The Kiwi thinks: The Australian bloke must have groped the
>> >> blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me
>> >> instead.
>> >>
>> >> The Australian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I
>> >> Can smack the Kiwi again.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs
into action.

As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins
to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her
best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.

The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly impervious to its
slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and
throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup

She is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as her head is
struck against the ground time and time again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworth's
trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger.
When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and
there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Doug ...

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie.

When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to
get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health insurance that
we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her
age. I usually get home from the golf course bout the same time she gets
home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says
she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.
I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me
when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the BR club so eating out is
not reasonable.
I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not
unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that they won't clean themselves.
I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get
them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say
that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during
her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile
and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three
days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that
missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know
what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She
had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the backyard.
I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice,
big, cold glass of freshly-squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.
And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for
me too.
I know that I probably look like a Saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not
saying that showing this much consideration is easy.
Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, fellas, even if you use just a little more tact and a little less
criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that
writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help
each other ...
Signed,Doug

EDITOR'S NOTE: Doug died suddenly Thursday 26 of May 2005. He was found with
a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II (golf club)rammed up his
arse, with only 2 inches of grip showing . His wife Julie was arrested, but
the all-woman jury accepted her defence that he accidentally sat down on it
very suddenly.

http://redirect.stileproject.com/r.php/1/dl/e7456ae2feabeeeaab61299f424472f5/43996a49/skeez19.wmv

drugs are bad..

Hi john i read in a previous post that you have the user manual for a phillips fm620 uhf radio and that you can scan it and email it would it be possible to have it scanned we have just got into this four wheel driving and purchased the uhf radio and dont have a clue what were doing i am willing to pay for it if you could get back to me my emails brugem@supernerd.com.au thanks Mandy

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got in the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "IT's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."