Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 03:12
Bring Em Back Alive Clive’s Billy Tea Yarn – funny story,
well it was to me at the time.
My ol mate “bring em back alive Clive”, was a long time main roads worker – he could lean on a shovel like no one I know! Raised on a
farm down Rocky Gully way, his dad would send him out with 3 x .22 shells and tell him to come back with 3 rabbits for tea. If he missed the first shot that meant he had to line up 2 rabbits at once, for the next shot or dad would kick his butt till his nose bled when he got back with only 2 rabbits.
We used to go shooting together, 25 or more years ago and I never saw him waste a shot, pretty much you could guarantee he would hit what he aimed at.
The whole Main Roads thing, got him into the habit of boiling the billy at about 10 am, Billy brand tea and add a gum leaf – swing the billy round ya head 3 times etc etc – it was a kinda ritual thing with Clive.
Well – me being the more lazy type would bring a thermos of really hot water, one of the old
Stanley Thermos.
Every time I’d offer him hot water from the thermos instead of lighting a fire to boil the billy and every time he would refuse and go thru his whole boil the billy routine. I didn’t mind – I lay out on the bonnet of the ol holden ute and warm up in the sunshine, with the heat from the engine coming up thru the bonnet to warm my cold butt, and watch BEBAC go thru his Billy routine – no harm and it kept him happy.
Now “BEBAC” (Bring em back alive Clive) got a LOT of enjoyment teaching me all about the bush and animals and stuff, almost a junior Harry Butler. BUT – trying to TELL BEBAC anything was pretty much a waste of time – coz he sure like to tell me stuff but never learned to listen too
well.
So one day here we are in a paddock in winter at about 10 am and it’s still cold, the dew is still heavy on the grass, and we stop for a cuppa.
BEBAC is into his routine – circle of rocks, gathered from all over this huge paddock, then sticks fossicked again from all over this huge paddock. Then he gets to sitting the billy on top replete with tea and gum leaf in it etc.
Meanwhile, I’m on the bonnet by now, sipping coffee and eating cake and soaking up a few rays….& watching BEBAC in his routine, but not bothering to tell him anything, or make constructive comment, coz, I know he doesn’t like it and won’t listen anyway – better to keep mum.
So the billy is giving him trouble, won’t sit level, and he re arranges the rocks and the couple stout sticks he has set across the rocks for the billy to sit on, in the hope he can come up with a combination of the right rocks and the right sticks, to result in a level billy, before he sets the match to the tinder underneath.
3 or 4 goes and bye now he’s getting frustra-pated (Nothing normal in Clive he doesn’t get frustrated he gets animatedly frustra-pated – a term I coined specially for him!!).
I can see he can almost taste this billy tea – but It ain’t working at all.
Eventually in frustration he takes, what I consider to be a unwise shortcut….he replaces one of the stout sticks the billy is to sit on, for an incredibly thin one in order to get the blessed billy to sit upright/level, and he then lights the fire.
I’m thinkin’ to myself (while sipping coffee and eating more cake) – “self, that’s probably a dumbassed thing to do, what’s gonna happen if/more like when, that thin stick burns thru, the damn billy’s gonna tip over and put out the fire & that’s all the water that BEBAC has with him etc etc”.
So BEBAC heads off in a hurry to find more sticks to keep the fire going and they are hard to come bye in this wet paddock – the only supply about 100 yards away under a old pine tree.
Before he heads off BEBAC says to me – almost as a last thought “keep an eye on me billy for me will ya?” “sure“ says I!
Now another thing about BEBAC, is that he doesn’t take
well to people messing with his things – he’s a kinda particular bloke about his things and I know better than to mess with them, but keeping an eye on em? – hell yeah - I can manage that - without crossing that fine line.
So, more coffee and cake – the suns getting warmer and my butts thawing out, and I notice the fire crackling nicely…except the thin stick cracked a little and sorta sagged a wee bit – and now the billy’s leaning a bit!
It’s not about to tip over but it’s headed that way if something isn’t done in the next few minutes or so.
I do the decent thing and yell out to BEBAC, “Hey Clive”….to which he answers – “yeah, yeah – I’ll be there in a minute”, which isn’t like “yeah, what’s wrong?” - It’s more like – “Yeah but dont bother me right now I’m busy”!
Minute or so later, another crack from the fire and now the billy’s leaning a lot more and the thin stick has sagged a lot more – now the billy is in imminent danger of tipping over for real this time.
I know better that to try n fix it – he wouldn’t appreciate me messing with his whole billy routine – no doubt the tea would be off coz I did something to it that I should na, so I yell again with a little more urgency this time “Hey Clive”.
Dammit – same answer. “yeah, yeah – I’ll be there in a minute”
Well Ok then it hasn’t tipped over just yet!
Now I’m much warmer and on my third piece a cake for morning tea and second cuppa coffee from the hot water in the thermos, and I hear a louder crackle than usual from the fire.
Yep – the billy now is on the point of balance for sure and the thin supporting stick is sagged like a archers bow and fire is crackling away nicely at the thin stick.
Time to do something a bit more urgent.
I look up to see if BEBAC has time to make it back – to save his precious billy. He’s finished his fuel gathering activity under the tree and his headed my way with an armload a sticks at a sort of ambling pace.
I did the decent thing and yelled out again, this time MUCH more urgent tone, “HEY CLIVE!”..
He looks up at me to see what’s wrong, and then sees the predicament with his billy, instead of answering and saying “grab me billy will ya” (See I was right I KNEW he didn’t want me to touch it) he starts running – without answering me!
It’s like that “Chariots Of Fire” movie about the Olympic runners, filmed running in slow motion on
the beach, here comes BEBAC at full tilt – sticks etc falling from his arms hugged to his chest fulla sticks as he runs…
And he gets there almost in the nic of time, with just ONE large piece of tree branch about as thick as my forearm… remaining in his arms, only to hear the final “crackle crackle SNAP” as the thin billy supporting stick succumbs, and the billy tips over, and the water puts the fire out!
He look up at me and shouts “WHAT?” (in belated answer to my 3 previous “Hey Clive” yells).
Well – as cool as I can….trying to hide my smirk……I reply “Ya Billys about to tip over!”
That’s it, the only time in our longstanding friendship I’d ever seen him so angry – I really thought he was going to hit me. He starts swearing the F word over and over, whooping like an Indian in a war dance, around and around the fire, all the while beating the aluminium Billy can with the big stick he has left in his hand.
The steam is coming up from the fire along with wet hot tea leaves outta the billy, and the sodden fire ash – and it’s all over his face – and running down his cheeks in the sweat he has now built up with this sudden outburst of temper.
I felt kind a bad for him, so again offered the last of my hot water from the thermos if he wanted a cup of tea!
I can’t repeat the answer I got (“no” is a brief summary).
He looked at me…and he pointed at me….and he slowly said – like my life depended on it “we NEVER speak of this episode again” – I could tell he meant it! I figured the unsaid bit was “Or I’ll give you the hiding of your life!”…
True to my world – we never did, speak of it again!
A few years later, we moved to another town a long way away and I never saw much of my mate BEBAC again, for many many years, we were
young maybe 25 ish.
To my surprise I get an invite one day from his wife to come to his 40th Birthday party bash (me and the whole tribe), a big shindig at the local town hall. What the heck – why not, it would be good to visit our old town and catch up with all the old crew.?
Just one problem…
What to get for BEBAC as a birthday gift?
I asked everyone I knew for ideas and nothing seemed to fit for BEBAC.
Then suddenly it came to me!
A new billy can (the old one had been badly beaten beyond recognition in the Indian fire dance event described above).
I searched high and low and eventually found one….just like his old one!
I wrapped it all up in a big box & lottsa torn paper padding along with a piece of tree branch about the same size and length as the original…no card, no name of the giver. When we got to the town hall shindig we had a great time and I just put the box on the
table with all his other 40th presents…
After much eating and drinking, and dancing etc it was time for BEBAC to get up on stage and open all his presents – which he did reading out from the cards – who it was from and displaying what he got etc.
Well – he eventually got to
mine…..and said “this is a mystery – no card?”.....”Hmm – wonder what it could be and who it’s from?”...... shakes it a bit and can’t make out head or tails from the rattling emanating from inside, so he opens it up in front of everyone!
Fiddles about in all the cut up paper packaging inside the box and comes out with the tree branch…
Man is he confused! “ Tree Branch – who the hell would send me a tree branch” he’s saying, really confused by now, and he keeps fiddling around inside the box and pulls out the Billy can!
Bye now every one’s wondering what this charade is all about and looking on in expectation of him having to “tell a story” to explain it all.
At the sight of the Billy can, – I could see the look of remembrance on his face!
All he said was “XXXXX (my name) you expletive, expletive, expletive etc” and then laughed aloud for a long long time until he could get his breath back.
Then he had to tell (his side) of the “Billy Can” story to all his guests – something neither of us had ever spoken of, in the intervening 15 or so years!
Everyone laughed hard for a long time at the story re telling – everyone there knew BEBAC as
well as I did, and could see right thru his “mitigating circumstances explanation” on his own behalf, painting me as the bad guy!
To his credit, I’d never seen him lose his temper that way, either before or after, and we remain firm friends to this day, although we never miss the opportunity to “extract the urine” out of each other at any chance!
Just one of a BIG collection, of Aussie bush yarns about Bring Em Back Alive Clive
One day I’ll get around to putting them all in a book about his and my antics together!!
Cheers
AnswerID:
376255
Follow Up By: Member - DAZA (QLD) - Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 07:22
Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 07:22
Geez Flywest
I downed 2 Cups of Tea reading that yarn,
I drink 5 cups of tea a day, each with half teaspoon raw sugar and a splash of milk, now when it comes to coffee I like to drink
mine with a glass of Port, it's nice when I'm on a fishing trip and sitting around a fire.
FollowupID:
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Follow Up By: Member - TonBon (NSW) - Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 08:39
Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 08:39
Flywest, what a fantastic story,
well done :-) More please.
Tony
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Follow Up By: JohnMich - Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 11:17
Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 11:17
What a great story! Thanks for that!
FollowupID:
643643
Follow Up By: warfer69 - Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 14:14
Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 14:14
LMAO Good on ya Flywest,that reply will teach Axel to ask the bloody question..(length lol).
FollowupID:
643656
Follow Up By: Member - Axle - Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 17:51
Sunday, Jul 26, 2009 at 17:51
Good one FlyWest!.... Stress release Humour.
Can i have first copy of the book..lol.
Cheers Axle.
FollowupID:
643680
Follow Up By: tim_c - Monday, Jul 27, 2009 at 14:24
Monday, Jul 27, 2009 at 14:24
Good one Flywest - and to think I was just going to skip over all that text (I'm glad I didn't!). Please put me on the invitation list for the launch of your book!
FollowupID:
643813
Follow Up By: Isuzumu - Monday, Jul 27, 2009 at 16:06
Monday, Jul 27, 2009 at 16:06
Just steal this follow up for a second...
Hi TonBon, Tony you are probably the first member here with a D.Max, I always feel lonely here with my two Isuzu MUs lol
check out our club site, we have one member with a new D.Max, most are MUs www.clubisuzu.com
FollowupID:
643829
Follow Up By: Member - Warwick K (WA) - Monday, Jul 27, 2009 at 21:19
Monday, Jul 27, 2009 at 21:19
Flywest, Australia needs such yarns preserved for future (and present) generations. Given your captivating style of writing, such a book should be a hit.
-
Warwick
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643889