Phriday Phunnies

Submitted: Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:29
ThreadID: 96420 Views:3875 Replies:18 FollowUps:28
This Thread has been Archived
Milk.

Mum used to put a crockery jug out on the front step for the Milkman. Over the top of the jug was a doily to keep out dust, bugs and the bloody Pee Wees or Mudlarks as our southern brethren call them. The doily had a tasselled edge, to which were attached tiny periwinkle sea shells to act as weights and so stop it being blown off in a breeze.

The "Milko" had a two wheeled cart with a squarish wooden body, inside the body was a tank containing the milk which was delivered via two silver coloured taps at the rear. Milko used to fill a largish galvanised churn from the tank then one pint "dipper" in the other hand would move from doorstep to doorstep ladling out the measures. Cream was sold off the van in wide necked glass bottles with stiff cardboard plugs. Cheese was also sold however I don't recall the actual method other than it certainly was not pre-packaged. Some Milkos also had a sideline with so-called "fresh" eggs.

By the way! If the Milkman comes past your place tomorrow don't go near the cart, his horse is a bitch and bites.

Bread.

The "breadman" also had a two wheeled horse drawn cart. The breadman came day other than Sunday about the same time to the cry of "breado". He never touched the reins and I never saw him on the seat of the cart. The horse used to walk along the street and stop at the same place every day for the same period of time, if the breadman got "ahead" the bloody horse would make him run back to the cart until the horse decided that it was time to move forward.

In those days bread was bread, no plastic bags and none of that so called "value added" crap. (Value Added is where you add 15 cents of extras, change the name and slap an $2:75 on the sales price).

Square loaves! Big selection, white or brown? Take your pick.
Then there was Cottage, Vienna or Tank. You could have your bread sliced any way you wanted it, thick, thin or half and half, all sliced by you on your own kitchen table.

The Breadman also had his "extras". A couple of styles of bread rolls and other similar attractions. Nothing too fancy mind you, the Breadman was not allowed by law to retail cakes or confectioneries lest he have an unfair advantage over the retail Cake Shop.

The Breadmans horse is a sweetie, is happy to be patted and will take apples, carrots, bread crusts and even dandelion flowers from the palm of you hand very delicately so as to tickle your hand with her satin like nose as she does so.

Now one day, if your good I might just tell you about the "bottle o" and his legendary battles with his missus.

Bill
Bill B

Member
My Profile  Send Message

Back Expand Un-Read 0 Moderator

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:30

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:30
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came."

Bill
Bill B

Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 489128

Follow Up By: NTVRX - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:43

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:43
Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.'

'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look- out.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'

'I can't find a No. 91'

'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.






0
FollowupID: 764265

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:35

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:35
OVERWEIGHT? .....TAKE IT OFF

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day,5 kg. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
"If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing
and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four
days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 kgs. as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/10 kg program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
"If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers
that he has lost another 10 kgs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/20 kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone.

"This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,

"If I catch you, your arse is mine."

He lost 32 kgs that week!!

bill
Bill B

Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 489129

Follow Up By: NTVRX - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:51

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 08:51
A police motorcycle officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real bar steward, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying a dickybird.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower
right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to
the 'violator' for his signature. The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and
When presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know
What it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're
An bleep !"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record
And he has a heap of demerits and is in danger of losing his license,
So he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; "Officer is this a
Reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and
Mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket
You don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH,"
Underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.”

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for bleep ?"

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”



~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client~~~~







0
FollowupID: 764266

Reply By: Member - Geoff M (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:35

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:35
Earthquake in Victoria centred near Moe. Recent news report on this incident...


A major earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit this evening with the epicentre in Moe.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering, "F**kin ell" and "Whadda carnt". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Commodore Appreciation Society and the Moe Progress Hall were damaged beyond repair....

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.

Moe Radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later".

Another, complained, "I was jus havin a toke when me f**kin bong fell off the table and on the floor! I thought, "Whoa, good green, but then all me spares fell off the shelf too. Now I gotta get up to 'Off Ya Tree' to buy some more. Do ya think insurance will cough up for em?"

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Vegemite to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, flannelette shirts, jewellery from Priceline and bone china from Safeway

*************** HOW YOU CAN HELP ****************

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Items most needed include: baseball caps, tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell Suits (female), white sport socks, sturdy boots And any other items usually sold in Op Shops.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include, Fruit Loops, Kebabs, McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and cans of Tooheys Red, Bacardi Breezer, or UDL.

If you would prefer to donate money, 25c buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms; $5.00 buys chips, saveloys and gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9; $10.00 will pay for a packet of Longbeach extra milds or Horizon 30's and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

PLEASE do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the neighbouring areas.

END OF NEWS STORY
AnswerID: 489131

Follow Up By: OutBack Wanderers - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 20:29

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 20:29
As a non-member I would love to send a message to your send message, but I can't, thank God I'm not a member, why would anyone want to associate with the likes of you. I would bet my bottom dollar if you were in USA, you'd be a member of KKK.

Yes, there are some ppl like that in Australia, but in all my years, I have never come across a 15 yo mum with 5 kids, that is such a disgusting thing to say the least. You've made your point, everyone on welfare are bogans.

Would you like to tell those 1500 workers in Kurri who lost their jobs because the Alum smelter closed down that they are now in the same boat as your "News Story". Thank God for welfare to help those who need it, until you live on welfare, you have no idea.

This "News Story" is just a front for your bigot views.

Lifetime Member
My Profile  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 764329

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:46

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:46
For all Who Work With Rude Customers!


An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo..
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'..
The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal - 'we have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!'

Without flinching, she smiled and said, 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.




Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!


Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,with a glorious and all conquering past.


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.



Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


THEGEOGRAPHY OF A MAN



Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran,
ruled by nuts.













AnswerID: 489132

Follow Up By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 10:04

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 10:04
Little Johnney


A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need

at home.

1st kid says "A computer".

Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."

2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.

Little Johnny pops up and says " At my house we don't need nuthin."

The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs

something.


Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a

Muslim,


I remember Dad saying,” Well, that's the last f#@*ing thing we need."

0
FollowupID: 764268

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:51

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:51
Ransom note


Image Could Not Be Found
AnswerID: 489134

Follow Up By: Aussi Traveller - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 12:04

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 12:04
Phony Tony
0
FollowupID: 764271

Follow Up By: Nomadic Navara - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 13:29

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 13:29
and we can keep going - Site Link - Site Link - Site Link --
PeterD
Retired radio and electronics technician

Lifetime Member
My Profile  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 764278

Follow Up By: dazren - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 15:04

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 15:04
They say Julia cannt do anything Right !! But she has done a very good Job of making Phony Tony look good. There is an Election coming, the Australian public are not stupid, and the Majority will eventually be heard not Ignored

when that election is held, the decision will be that of the majority of Australians, And then it will not be little discussions on threads like this, with your opinion ? my opinion ? his opinion ? or her opinion ?. It will be the opinion of the Majority ?
Then we can read threads '' saying '' well us Majority has finally showed those Noisey Minority Idiots, who was right ?? And the Noisey Minority will be saying ?? those Majority of Aussies are a pack of Idiots !!

''And never the twain shall meet'' So to those who end up on the Majority side ?? Well Done. and those who end up on the Minority side ?? live with it !!
0
FollowupID: 764286

Follow Up By: Member - Josh- Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 15:55

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 15:55
Bill, that was funny. The other 3 need to read the rules and keep their political rants out of friday funnies.

Josh
0
FollowupID: 764291

Follow Up By: Aussi Traveller - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:13

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:13
Hey Josh I'm not sure what your problem is I thought my clip was FUNNY, the same way you thought Bill's was FUNNY, that is why I posted it.

There was no political rant from me, maybe you need to check your sense of humour.

Phil.

0
FollowupID: 764293

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:59

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 09:59
THIS PHOTO BELOW WAS TAKEN WITH UNDERGROUND CAMERAS OF TWO AFRICAN MINERS TRAPPED WAITING TO BE RESCUED.

The miners were trapped inside the African Rainbow Minerals gold mine in Orkney, South Africa 110 miles southwest of Johannesburg

(REALLY HEARTWRENCHING STUFF)

PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT PHOTO IF YOU ARE A SENSITIVE VIEWER OR EASILY UPSET.







Image Could Not Be Found



AnswerID: 489135

Reply By: Member - Bruce C (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 13:01

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 13:01
Mick and Paddy are having a drink in a bar when Mick turns to Paddy and says
“I’ve had dis town, noo bloody work and noo bloody future, I think I am going to Dooblin in the morrnin.”

Mick replied “Yeah I agree wid ya dare Paddy, Dares no future in dis town. I tink I might cooome wid ya.”

Mick continues “But wairt a minute, we don’t know da way ta Dooblin, how are we gunna git dare”

Paddy responded “Arhh dats noo problem Mickey me mairt, we’ll just follow the train tracks seein as how we airn’t afforden da fare. The train goes ta Dooblin. Too easy maite.”

So they set off the next morning following the train tracks and about 3 mile out of town Paddy hears a train coming so he says to Mick

“Quick Mick, dares a train coomin maite, get outta dah way.”

So the train comes boring down the track and runs straight over Mick running for the lick of his life down the track. Knocks him flat!

Paddy runs up to him and said “Mickey me maite, why didn’t ya run up the bank like I did maite.”

And Mick said

“You must be bloody stupid Paddy”






“I couldn’t beat it on the flat, How was I gunna beat it up a hill
At home and at ease on a track that I know not and
restless and lost on a track that I know. HL.

Lifetime Member
My Profile  Send Message

AnswerID: 489144

Reply By: Life Member - esarby (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 13:16

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 13:16
THE TRUE HISTORY OF THE BEGINNING OF AUSTRALIA
Australians originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and gatherers. They lived on kangaroos on the plains during the summer and would then go to the coast and live on fish and mussels in the winter. The two most important events in all Aussie history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man tothed beer. These were the foundation of modern Aussie civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of Australians into two distinct sub-groups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Labor.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented, so that while our early Aussies were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night, while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Liberal movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the Liberals by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Labor movement. Some of these labor men eventually evolved into women. They became known as pooftas. Some noteworthy Labor achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and voting to decide to divide the meat and beer that the Liberals provided.
Modern Laborites and Union leaders like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish - but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard Labor fare. Another interesting, evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, government workers - state and federal, personal injury lawyers, journalists (especially at The Age), ABC staff, and group therapists are Laborites. Liberals drink domestic beer, mostly Carlton or XXXX. They eat red meat (rare), and still provide for their women. Liberals are big game hunters, forestry workers, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
Liberals, who own companies, hire other Liberals who want to work for a living.
Laborites produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producer’s and decide what to do with the production. That is why most of the laborites created the business of trying to get more for nothing - and usually plead for government money to fund their unproductive, parasitical activities.
Here ends today's lesson in Australian history.
I'm going to have another beer and light the BBQ. I’ll bring the steaks.

Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Blog  Send Message

AnswerID: 489147

Follow Up By: Aussi Traveller - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:26

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:26
The only funny thing about that is, that if the liberals get in you will soon be crying in your beer, you won't be able to afford any steak, or gas for your BBQ.

The reason is that Abbott and Hockey have the economic credentials of a Greek finance minister, now that is funny and they are a JOKE.
0
FollowupID: 764284

Follow Up By: dazren - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 15:28

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 15:28
Greece got into trouble by borrowing to much money, whilst living beyond their means to pay,, Can you please advise when and which Labor goverment Ever delivered a Surplus ??? Your Kevin/ Julia was handed the keys to our Country with 20 Billion dollars in the Bank, and NO foreign debt, They wasted the 20 Billion, and to date has Borrowed 350 BILLION PLUS,
All on the back of the Mineral and resources boom, allowing us to meet the Huge interest bill on it, And if the world economy crashes ?? [ and it can ] how do we then meet those interest payments ???
If the world economy crashes, so does the mineral and resources demand !! and if that happens, so does Australia AS we have nothing else ??
0
FollowupID: 764287

Follow Up By: Member - Josh- Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:02

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:02
Aussi Traveller and dazren, This is friday funny not friday pollitical crap. By the way, they have found the cause of the earth quake in Moe. Julia gillard opened her mouth again to change feet.

Josh
0
FollowupID: 764292

Follow Up By: dazren - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:25

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:25
You are quite right Josh ?? wrong subject and wrong place ?? dazren
0
FollowupID: 764296

Follow Up By: outback epicurean - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:42

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:42
Well, who started the the political crap today, appears to be a Liberal supporter who apparently is very happy to see a small number of individuals collect the vast majority of the profits from the mineral boom by selling resources owned by all Australians.

Agree that this is Friday Funnies but all some people are trying to do is provide some balance to a constant tirade of misinformed comments about a government trying to make the best of the cards dealt to them in the last election, ie a coalition with other parties.
0
FollowupID: 764297

Follow Up By: Aussi Traveller - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:46

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:46
Once again Josh that was my sense of humour not a political rant, as outback epicurean says I'm just showing some balance.
0
FollowupID: 764298

Follow Up By: Aussi Traveller - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:53

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 16:53
As a believer of democracy when someone posts a joke about Julia Gillard or the Labor Government, I will post a joke about Tony Abbott and the Liberal Government.

Just saying.

Phil
0
FollowupID: 764299

Follow Up By: dazren - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 17:18

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 17:18
Hmmmm??

Democracy is an egalitarian form of government in which all the citizens of a nation together determine public policy, the laws and the actions of their state, ...

Definition of SOCIALISM
1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods


One of these will be the winner at the next election ????????
0
FollowupID: 764303

Follow Up By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 17:26

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 17:26
As i have said before if i get sent a joke about labor or liberal and i think its funny i will post it


Bill j


0
FollowupID: 764305

Follow Up By: ferris - Sunday, Jun 24, 2012 at 17:53

Sunday, Jun 24, 2012 at 17:53
I'm still trying to find the joke about Julia????????????
0
FollowupID: 764473

Reply By: Members Pa & Ma. - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:11

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:11
Hi,,
I remember those days, living with my Gran, I still have the bells off of the horses head. A big Clydesdale. I reckoned that the Bells would drive him mad. Grans house had a door in the side of the Kitchen wall (like some Motel rooms)
The "Bottle O"? no Never met him?? & can't remember but I think this horse cart had the Bread I was only about 4.
Our cart horse did that too.
the soft velvet nose on your hand but he just plod along as the master ran along!
You tell some good jokes ,We'll be good.
Take care, safe travels .Ma.
AnswerID: 489149

Follow Up By: Members Pa & Ma. - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 19:12

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 19:12
It would seem that somehow my reply to Bill has found itself in the wrong place ?
I was waiting to hear what happened between the" Bottle O " & his missus.??.

I must have misunderstood Bill??
Off topic, yeh, I know! but I'm not the only one.

I'm worried that Black Caviar's love life might ruin her chances of winning unless they have him waiting at the finish line waiting for her?! She might run back to him at the stables. Tragic ,but funny! to some , yes, but not others.
Bye for now Ma.
0
FollowupID: 764325

Follow Up By: Member - Dunworkin (WA) - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:02

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:02
" I'm worried that Black Caviar's love life might ruin her chances of winning unless they have him waiting at the finish line waiting for her?! She might run back to him at the stables. Tragic ,but funny! to some , yes, but not others. "

Never thought of that one Ma, now that was funny

Cheers

D


Simba, our much missed baby.

Lifetime Member
My Profile  Send Message

0
FollowupID: 764379

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:21

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:21
OMG.


Image Could Not Be Found


Image Could Not Be Found


Image Could Not Be Found


Image Could Not Be Found


Also

Image Could Not Be Found


AnswerID: 489152

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:33

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 14:33
Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker, and a highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound! Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait. Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.


Image Could Not Be Found

"I have outlived my pecker."



The bleep Poem--by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,

My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,

Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,

From my trousers it would spring.

But now I've got a full time job,

To find the f***in' thing.

It used to be embarrassing,

The way it would behave.

For every single morning,

It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,

It sure gives me the blues.

To see it hang its little head,

And watch me tie my shoes!!



AnswerID: 489153

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 17:36

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 17:36
Hooray for pickering

Image Could Not Be Found

Image Could Not Be Found

Image Could Not Be Found

Image Could Not Be Found

Image Could Not Be Found



AnswerID: 489172

Reply By: Life Member - esarby (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:00

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:00
Image Could Not Be Found



Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Blog  Send Message

AnswerID: 489177

Reply By: Life Member - esarby (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:29

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:29
My IT devision just fixed my computer

Now let's get back to reality

Image Could Not Be Found

Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Blog  Send Message

AnswerID: 489180

Follow Up By: Fred G NSW - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:50

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:50
:-)))
0
FollowupID: 764320

Reply By: Fred G NSW - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:48

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:48
I'll be the one to say it.........

Friday Funnies just aint what they used to be :-(

Might be time to pull the pin on them, aye ??
AnswerID: 489183

Follow Up By: Members Pa & Ma. - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 11:17

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 11:17
Hi Fred G.,
Some of the jokes today were very funny.
I look forward to Friday Funnies, no need to pull the Pin on them.
If Politicians weren't so pathetic they wouldn't be made fun of. All of them are a joke....... Sadly.( Laughter is the best medicine.)
Bye for now. Ma.
0
FollowupID: 764370

Follow Up By: Fred G NSW - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:15

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:15
Hello Ma. Nobody likes a good joke more than me, including political stuff, and yes, this weeks were very funny. I look forward to the Funnies each week.

My criticism was aimed at those respondees who seem to take the opportunity of the thread to unload personal attacks on contributers, such as those we saw this week, obviously because they have different political beliefs. Personal attacks on the members putting the jokes up, are not on, and as such should have been moderated.

Fred

0
FollowupID: 764380

Follow Up By: Members Pa & Ma. - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:37

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:37
Hi Fred & Dunworkin,
I know Fred. Some of the Political jokes are really funny no matter which party.
The personal attacks aren't.

Dunworkin,
I hope Black Caviar wins ! She can brag to him after she goes back to the stables..
Take care, safe travels.
Bye for now Ma.
0
FollowupID: 764382

Reply By: Life Member - esarby (NSW) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:53

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 18:53
Image Could Not Be Found

Lifetime Member
My Profile  My Blog  Send Message

AnswerID: 489184

Follow Up By: Member - Longtooth (SA) - Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 21:31

Friday, Jun 22, 2012 at 21:31
The whole site today made life worth living. Should be more days like this.

Longtooth
0
FollowupID: 764338

Reply By: Member - Netnut (VIC) - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 10:09

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 10:09
Hey Bill,
Do tell us about the nightsoil collection !
Cheers.
Netnut
AnswerID: 489213

Follow Up By: Member - Netnut (VIC) - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 11:01

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 11:01
To the many FFs contributors ...... I enjoy Friday Funnies because I'm rarely politically correct among my friends and associates. I don't consider myself uncouth or insensitive and I'm not picked on for trying to have some fun.

Seems to me that a growing mass of politically-correct people is hellbent on making life miserable for those of us who like a joke. We all need to laugh .... and sometimes at the expense of others. I don't think Julia or Tony would be greatly upset by being their lampooned or criticised. They probably have a collection of stories and photos ready for their memoirs ! I have aboriginal acquaintances who openly tell jokes about their kind. I've heard Irish jokes from Irishmen, and I've yet to meet an Englishman who's been offended by being referred to as a Pom.

Life is much more enjoyable when you can laugh at the ridiculous, read and consider the opinions of others, and pass by the things that you consider offensive. I also know that if religion, sex and politics were to be taboo subjects for FFs, we'd be much poorer for it.

Willy Nelson has the right idea ......... keep it up I say.
Cheers,
Netnut

0
FollowupID: 764369

Follow Up By: Fred G NSW - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:22

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:22
Good onya mate. Well said.
0
FollowupID: 764381

Reply By: Fred G NSW - Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:26

Saturday, Jun 23, 2012 at 13:26
Image Could Not Be Found
AnswerID: 489225

Sponsored Links

Popular Products (13)