NZ PM Jacinta Adern just gave a lengthy press conference in which she explained she will need to take a month and a half off around the time of the birth, and how her partner, the baby’s father, will be a stay at
home dad when she returns to work.
Unfortunately her Kiwi accent didn’t help clarify exactly what her priorities are, when she stated:
‘After sex weeks off I will be back on dick’..
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It's a very sad day. A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school, has been fired for one minor mistake. He slept with one of his patients, and now he can no longer work in his profession. Such a waste of time, effort, training and money! Sadly, he is still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mishap can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family right now in this time of sadness. He really is a great guy, and a brilliant veterinarian.
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A Yorkshire farmer sees a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts,
“Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer, it's full o' hoss piss an' cow shite an' it could kill thee”.
The bloke says: "Sir, I am a Muslim from Pakistan , can you be speaking clearer, and slower please” .
The farmer replies: "if....You.... Use.... Two ...Hands.......You.... Won't.... Spill ...Any" .
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While golfing, a senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon.
A very attractive,
young, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you OK?"
"I’m OK, thanks," he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart.
She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later."
The old guy noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.
"That’s mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don’t think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now!" she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. He was weak.
"Well, OK," he finally agreed.
After a couple of Scotch and sodas, he thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d better go now."
"Don’t be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her
robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. Your wife won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?"
He replied, "Still under the cart, I suppose."
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Best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided
that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice
together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist;
they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and
Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was
also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics
and High Colonics - no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal
Retentives - thumbs down again.
Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted
in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts
and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and
Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came
up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.
Everybody loved it.
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