Friday Funnies

Submitted: Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 08:51
ThreadID: 139146 Views:2397 Replies:7 FollowUps:0
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

David grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 09:06

Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 09:06
Norman is 89 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement over 20 years ago. One day he arrives home upset. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight is so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where the dang thing goes."

His wife sympathises and makes him a hot cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one last try."

"That's a terrible idea" says Norman, "your brother's 102 years old. How could he help?"

"He may be 102 years old", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

Norman figured he'd give it a try So the next day he heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Norman.

"Where did what go? Do I know you?"

AnswerID: 627983

Reply By: RMD - Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 09:54

Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 09:54
After intense lobbying by the Australian Government and Diplomats, China has finally bowed to the pressure and agreed to fly the AUSTRALIAN FLAG above all of it’s police stations on AUSTRALIA DAY each year.
AnswerID: 627986

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 10:28

Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 10:28
At a Tyre Shop: "Invite us to your next blowout.”;

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts.”;

In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”;

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push.”;

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”;

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”;

A sign outside a shop; “Push. If that doesn’t work…Pull. If that doesn’t work...We must be closed.”

Outside a pub; “Today’s offer: Buy any 2 Drinks and pay for them both.”

Outside a Library; “Library is closed until opening time.”

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”;

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait.”;

Beside a computer; “Every time you make a typo, the errorists win”

Outside an Ice cream shop; “I Scream, You Scream, The Police Come, It’s Awkward.”

In a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.”;

Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

On another Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids - I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'What have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them

'On the other side of the river near the Parliament car park in Pretoria.

'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?' asked the big Croc.

'Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a Politician, there's nothing much left but an a**hole with a briefcase.'

Living like a millionaire on the pension

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AnswerID: 627988

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 10:39

Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 10:39

Living like a millionaire on the pension

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AnswerID: 627989

Reply By: Member - bill j (VIC) - Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 11:16

Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 11:16
Only in TEXAS - Redneck

Living like a millionaire on the pension

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AnswerID: 627991

Reply By: Gerard S - Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 19:16

Friday, Oct 04, 2019 at 19:16
AnswerID: 627992

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