Friday, Feb 16, 2018 at 15:07
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
In
Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital.
He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see the Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to Parliament and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; the Prime Minister and Treasurer would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, The Prime Minister commented to the Treasurer, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly will help our images and might even get me re-elected as Prime Minister. After all, ...I'm IN IT TO WIN IT".
The Treasurer agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took the Prime Minister's hand in his right hand and the Treasurer's hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally The Prime Minister spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen", said The Prime Minister . "Amen", the Treasurer said .
The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."
A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government 'Welfare' officials sent to interview him.
One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done."
The elder nodded in agreement. The official continued: "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the whitefella go wrong?"
The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute and then he calmly replied: "When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty kangaroo, Plenty fish, Women did all the work, Medicine man free, Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing, All night having sex."
Then the elder leaned back and smiled: "Only whitefella bloody stupid enough to think he could improve a system like that".
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said.
'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied,
'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
At last, confirmation of 'Murphy's Law' with a wonderful Irish explanation:
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor, and lo behold.......and it lands butter-side-up.
He looks down in astonishment, for he knows it's a law of the universe that buttered toast
ALWAYS ls butter-down.
So he rushes round to the Parish to fetch Father Flanagan.
He tells the Priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen. He won't say what it is, but asks
Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.
He leads Fr. Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.
"Well," says the Priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some
buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."
“No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy.
"Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan, "Dropped toast never falls with the butter side up.
It's a miracle.... but wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter
to the Bishop, and, he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people (a)round to interview you, take photos, etc."
A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the Archdiocese but by scientists
sent over from the Curia in Rome. No expense is spared.
There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much needed tourism revenue.
Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.
"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen,
quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be
very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out."
"Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared 'No Miracle', because they think .. . .
Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"
AnswerID:
616980
Follow Up By: RMD - Friday, Feb 16, 2018 at 16:30
Friday, Feb 16, 2018 at 16:30
Was all this last Friday or the one before?
FollowupID:
888425