friday funnies

Submitted: Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 11:37
ThreadID: 138184 Views:2533 Replies:7 FollowUps:9
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An Atatheist Professor.

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has
With GOD , the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . ....

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent )

Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From .... . GOD . . ...
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?

(Student ha d no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . .. . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD , Tasted your GOD , Smelt your GOD ? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't..

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,
a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something
You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . ..... But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The Class was in Uproar )

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

(The Class broke out into Laughter )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . ..
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son
Student : That is it sir ... . . Exactly !
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.


I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation ... . and if so .. ...
You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you?
Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH

That student was Albert Einstein.

Have a great day Bushy.
Back Expand Un-Read 5 Moderator

Reply By: Iza B - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 14:13

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 14:13
Still looking for the humour in that!

AnswerID: 625034

Follow Up By: Member - Suitcase (QLD) - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 14:35

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 14:35
If you have faith you'll probably see it.
Prado SX and a little van

My Profile  My Position  Send Message

FollowupID: 898612

Follow Up By: RMD - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 14:51

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 14:51
Iza B
Keep looking, you may find it, then again perhaps not.
FollowupID: 898613

Follow Up By: Aussie1 - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:07

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:07
For some real humour try Googling "The Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Told". By George Carlin. Not only humorous but true, in my view. Beats the Professor and his student hands down.
FollowupID: 898615

Follow Up By: Member - silkwood - Wednesday, May 01, 2019 at 15:33

Wednesday, May 01, 2019 at 15:33
Still looking for a shred of reasonable discussion in that...

Oh, and Einstein was self-described as either agnostic or a non-believer.


FollowupID: 898923

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:43

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:43
I tried to bring it up to date but no go. Still, a valid comment on the situation.

AnswerID: 625035

Follow Up By: RMD - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 16:48

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 16:48
Bill B

Cartoonist, Larry Pickering's, "why I hate Bill Shorten" is a good read. Sort of puts everything in a realistic perspective.
FollowupID: 898618

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:46

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:46

AnswerID: 625036

Follow Up By: Genny - Monday, Apr 22, 2019 at 16:01

Monday, Apr 22, 2019 at 16:01
The amusing thing is, if Jesus was real, his name would not have been Jesus. Just as Giovanni is the Italian form of John, Jesus is the Greek form of Joshua.

So you botherers of God, praise your lord and saviour Joshua bin Yossef.
FollowupID: 898687

Follow Up By: Member - Suitcase (QLD) - Monday, Apr 22, 2019 at 18:45

Monday, Apr 22, 2019 at 18:45
Still looking for the humour in that! ;-)
Prado SX and a little van

My Profile  My Position  Send Message

FollowupID: 898689

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:47

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 15:47
The Easter Bunny

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says...

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is) It says, "

"Hair Spray Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave."
Happy Easter!!!

AnswerID: 625037

Reply By: Member - MIKE.G - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 19:44

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 19:44
AnswerID: 625042

Reply By: Member - torro - Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 20:42

Friday, Apr 19, 2019 at 20:42
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldnt do it while he waited, so he said he didnt live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?

The farmer said, Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I cant carry this lot.

The old lady suggested, Why dont you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?

Why thank you very much, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home after following her advice.

On the way, he said, Lets take my shortcut and go down this alley. Well be there in no time.

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me How do I know that when we get in the alley you wont hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?

Shocked, the farmer responded, Holy smokes, lady! Im carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?

The old lady replied, Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and Ill hold the chickens.

AnswerID: 625043

Reply By: Ron N - Sunday, Apr 21, 2019 at 00:13

Sunday, Apr 21, 2019 at 00:13
It's an urban legend, Einstein never was in an argument like this - but it's an interesting argument, all the same.

Einstein was actually of Jewish origin, but renounced Judaism and sought an unconventional religious view - that there is a God, he built the Universe with precision and harmony - but that God was little concerned with the fate of individuals.

This is against all Biblical teachings, and Einstein angered many conservative Christians with his unconventional views on religion and God.

But one of his more famous quotes rings true - “Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.”

I personally like this one, below .....

The Atheist professor was teaching a college class, and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God.

He said, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by.

The professor kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am, God. I’m still waiting.”

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty, and newly registered in the class, walked up to the professor, hit him full in the face, and sent him flying from his platform.

The professor struggled to get up, obviously shocked and shaken, and yelled, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The Marine replied, “God was busy, so He sent me.”

Cheers, Ron.
AnswerID: 625061

Follow Up By: Iza B - Sunday, Apr 21, 2019 at 10:31

Sunday, Apr 21, 2019 at 10:31
Cheers, nothing. We normally lament the behaviour of religious nutters who do violence against others who do not agree with their beliefs. Perhaps a story of some Muslim cutting the throat of some infidel might be worth inclusion in the Friday Funnies.
FollowupID: 898660

Follow Up By: Member - David M (SA) - Sunday, Apr 21, 2019 at 12:04

Sunday, Apr 21, 2019 at 12:04
Think you might have touched a nerve there Ron. :)
FollowupID: 898663

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