I think its friday

Submitted: Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 10:22
ThreadID: 138609 Views:2513 Replies:6 FollowUps:7
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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles, looking at many things.
After some time passes, the sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he brings a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string and places them on the counter.

Dumbfounded, she says, "Sir, I don't want to be nosy and feel free not to answer me... but thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife.
You don't seem to have any and you bought some other, seemingly random things. What gives?"

He answers, " You see, it's like this...

yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; because "it's sooo-ooo-ooooo much cheaper". So, I figure if I have to roll my own - so does she."

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A hunter lived alone in the middle of a forest, in a small house by the river. A short distance down a slope in front of his house, he had a garden where he would grow vegetables to supplement his diet of forest game and fish. One morning, he awoke to the sounds of a thunderstorm and rushing water. Quickly getting dressed and stumbling outside, he saw the river had flooded.

Overflowing its banks, the waters swelled and flowed past, getting ever so closer to the hunter's abode. It would not reach the house, the hunter observed, for it had the higher ground. But there was no hope for the vegetable garden -- it was only a matter of minutes before the floodwaters would wash over it, ruining his harvest for that season.

"Goddam*it," the hunter muttered.

Right before the hunter's eyes, a bolt of lightning struck the bank at the other side of the river, followed by a deafening clap of thunder and a massive explosion. Trees, rocks and chunks of dirt flew hundreds of feet into the air!

No sooner had the debris started falling back to the ground when a monstrous tornado blew in from parts unknown and scooped them right up again. The tornado headed straight towards the river, uprooting more trees and rocks in its path, carving a deep gouge into the earth.

As soon as the tornado blew across the river, there was another flash of lightning and deafening clap of thunder. The tornado disappeared as quickly as it had materialized. The uprooted trees, rocks and dirt crashed into the river, diverting its waters into the deep gouge in the earth. The floodwaters receded, having come within inches of the hunter's vegetable garden.

Having witnessed the whole extravaganza from start to finish, the hunter could only stare, wide eyed, his legs shaking and mouth hanging stupidly open. It was a while before he finally managed to speak.

"Whoa."

Then, from above him, a voice boomed:

”YOU'RE WELCOME."
Living like a millionaire on the pension

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Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:03

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:03
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few
days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar
diabetes.”

Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

********************************************************************************************

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.

2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.

3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.


Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it
too.

10) You are probably going to send this on to see who else falls for it.

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

bill
AnswerID: 626410

Reply By: Member - bbuzz (NSW) - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:10

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:10
Thailand:

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of
18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony:

They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward.

A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each of the men.

She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his
navel to attract flies and insects. This keeps them off his face during the
ceremony.

A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a s*xy
and sensuous dance in the centre of the circle.

As soon as all the men become fully aroused, the kneeling girls then reach
over the knees, pull the erect penises downwards as much as they can and
then, on a given signal from the centre dancer, release them.

The men's penises would then spring back up and go "WHAP!" against their
belly buttons.

This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity. . .

The man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the King.
And that, folks, is why the capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok.
I bet you never knew this.

bill
AnswerID: 626411

Follow Up By: RMD - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:32

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:32
Bill
Unusually low belly buttons those Thai boys.
3
FollowupID: 900189

Follow Up By: Member - johnat - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 18:55

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 18:55
Or unusually long things!
Or (more likely) overactive imaginations.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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3
FollowupID: 900196

Reply By: Zippo - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:41

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 11:41


AnswerID: 626414

Reply By: Member - torro - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 13:35

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 13:35
A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these Fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realised that two of the Fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other Fokker was right on my tail".

At this point, several of the elderly ladies of the church were blushing with embarrassment, the girls were all giggling and the boys laughing loudly.

The pastor finally stands up and says "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company, who made many of the planes used by the Germans during the war".

"Yes, that's true". says the old pilot. "But these Fokkers were flying Messerschmitt's!"
AnswerID: 626417

Reply By: Member - MIKE.G - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 14:10

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 14:10
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD
AnswerID: 626418

Follow Up By: Member - johnat - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 18:53

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 18:53
Looks like a vet surgery to me ... everyone with pets.
Which one has the piles?
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

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2
FollowupID: 900195

Follow Up By: Member - PhilD_NT - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 18:57

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 18:57
Thanks Johnat for pointing that out. I hadn't noticed that as I was too busy appreciating a good bit of humour.??
5
FollowupID: 900197

Follow Up By: Member - MIKE.G - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 20:18

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 20:18
She is obviously referring to the girl at the top with the grey long haired dog, as we know, only dogs and not cats, can get hemorrhoids!
1
FollowupID: 900199

Follow Up By: OutBack Wanderer - Saturday, Jun 29, 2019 at 01:43

Saturday, Jun 29, 2019 at 01:43
I didn't know that, well I'll be, you learn something every day, good for my trivia night, thanx

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1
FollowupID: 900203

Follow Up By: Michael H9 - Saturday, Jun 29, 2019 at 15:53

Saturday, Jun 29, 2019 at 15:53
Cats lick their butt a lot.
1
FollowupID: 900230

Reply By: Member - Balvenie Pastoral - Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 14:59

Friday, Jun 28, 2019 at 14:59
People frequently complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburettor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside.
The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
"What's the matter?" asked the Trooper.
“Carburettor’s frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
“OK, watch me closely and I'll show you."
The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburettor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers' office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.


It began:
"On behalf of my daughter Janice . . . "
AnswerID: 626422

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